Am I being unreasonable wanting a reason why???

[Sogo1]

My partner broke up with me just over 2 weeks ago completely out of the blue and can't give me a reason why. We were together for 18 months and got on amazingly, genuinely never had an argument. We were getting on fine before this happened and had just come back from spending 4 days at his parents (who I had never met) and his children (who I had only ever spent a couple of hours with).He came round and I asked if he was ok, his response was "not really" and when I asked him what was wrong he said "everything". I jokingly said "what even us" and laughed and he turned around and said "maybe yeah". I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said he didn't think so. We went back to his and I text him and asked what had happened to make him feel like that and he just said he "didn't know why, just didn't think he loved me like I deserved". He saw my mum 2 days later and he said he genuinely couldn't give a reason he just didn't think he could be the person I wanted him to be. I've asked if we could meet for a chat because I have so much going through my head and he said he doesn't think it's a good idea because he honestly cant give me a reason and he doesn't think it's fair. Am I being unreasonable for wanting some sort of reason why someones feelings can change from wanting to spend the rest of his life with me (which he had only said a few weeks before we split) to not wanting to be with me anymore???

[scoobydoo1971]

As awful as you feel now, things will get better and if this man couldn't end things with you in a more dignified way then you will come to see how this was never going to work out long-term. He may be depressed or having work trouble. He may have met someone else, or perhaps his family did not like you...some men are influenced by parents etc. He may have said to you he had planned a future with you, but the red flags should have been flying when you have been dating quite a while and only spent a few hours with his children, and just met the parents. I met my DH parents (who lived abroad so I had to fly out) within months of meeting him, and I would expect to be spending significant time with a partner's children by 6-8 months of dating as a reflection of him trusting me and feeling that I was going to be a part of their lives (not a step-mother as such but Dad's girlfriend/ wife).

Perhaps if you give him some space, he will come back. But be careful if he does, as this relationship should be working for both of you, and he has made you unhappy in his recent decision.

[Straycatblue]

You are not unreasonable for wanting a reason, thats only natural, especially if he has indicated recently that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

However, you are unlikely to get any sort of answer that will make youfeel better or bring you closure, it may be that the visit with his family has caused him to see things in a different light.
It may be that he has been feeling this way for a long time but hasnt wanted to even admit it to himself. You may find out later down the line there is someone else involved.

Peoples feelings do change and sometimes there are no reason for it and thats is maybe why he can't tell you, he maybe just doesnt know. People fall out of love all the time.

As frustrating and heartbreaking as it is, try to move the focus on there not being a clear reason to the best way that you can heal.

[missmollyhadadolly]

Sorry, but I think he's into someone else or cheating on you, but doesn't have the guts to admit it.

Whatever the reason is, let the coward go. Chalk it down as a lucky escape

[hellsbellsmelons]

Or it could be that his mother or his kids hinted at a dislike towards you, for what ever reason.
That would make him cool off as well.

[2littlemoos]

Urg what a coward. My ex spent a night at mine when parents were away (several years ago now). We had a lovely evening together. Next day he was suddenly was
acting quiet on the phone so I pushed like you did with "is it us" to which it was. Coward. Anyway I left him to it and he begged me back a few days later. I foolishly got back with him and then finally ended it a while later for good.

We were young and I think he wanted to play the field a bit. Realised no one was interested and came back to me. I wish J never gave him a second chance as I look at my old self and I'm shocked at how I allowed myself to be used.

OP of course my sceario is probably very different but don't pester him or question him.

Let him get on with it!

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

He has given you a reason.
It's not a nice reason- he doesn't love you enough- but its a reason

[HeddaGarbled]

Think about the reasons why you've split up with boyfriends before. You don't fancy them anymore, they've started to get on your nerves, you've met someone you like more etc. But you didn't say that, did you, because you didn't want to hurt their feelings. So you said something like, I'm not sure I'm ready to date at the moment or it's not you, it's me, etc.

He isn't going to tell you the real reason, not because he's a coward or a shit, but because he's a decent guy trying not to hurt you any more than he knows the split already has.

[MrsXx4]

This exact thing happened to me. We were fine, had been together for 4 years, no problems and very happy. We had just come back from a holiday abroad - the day it happened we were walking into town and messing around together etc just as normal. We sat down and ordered lunch and before our food came he had ended it and told me he didn't love me anymore. That was the last I ever saw of him as I just got up totally shell shocked and walked out of the restaurant. I text him a few days after and asked why, he couldn't give me a reason other than he couldn't give me what I needed!? but I didn't NEED anything?! I was happy!

It took me a long time to get over that and I didn't have a relationship for a long time because I honestly thought 'what is the point' I never saw it coming and he could so easily walk away from me. I found out years later by someone who knows him that he had been seeing someone else and had been unfaithful to me all along in our relationship. Even though I had moved on (I was living with DH at this point) it made me cry. But it was like a relief...after all those years to know it wasn't something I had done, there wasn't anything I did to cause it. It was unfair and he was a coward for letting me go through that.

I hope this isn't the case for you but my point is, please don't question yourself or spend years going over it. I destroyed myself for a long time only to find out it wasn't me after all! xx

[PickAChew]

You have a reason. He's not in love with you. Horribly painful for you, but perfectly valid. Better that he admits to it and walks away after a year and a half than a decade and a half.

[ScarletForYa]

Someone else. Possibly on that 4 days away.

[SleepFreeZone]

I would say it'll be someone else too. Just watch and wait and she will appear.

[Ellisandra]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But I don't see what more he can give you. I don't even think it's so likely there's anyone else. Perhaps on his break his mum said "should I be buying a hat?" and his own reaction made him realise this relationship wasn't going anywhere for him. It's tough on you, but I don't see why he would agree to meet up for an awkward and embarrassing conversation about it.

[Bibidy]

I wouldn't necessarily say there's someone else OP.

As hard as it is, sometimes people just fall out of love.

I am so sorry to say this, but given that you'd been together 18 months and had never met his parents and only spent a couple of hours with his kids (assuming they're children, not grown up), I'm not sure he was being truthful with you about how serious he felt the relationship was.

I don't think there's any value in chasing him for a reason is. Whatever his reasons, he's chosen to end the relationship.

Just focus on yourself, things will look up soon x

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

It's crap but it's an excuse. Don't take it as a reflection on you just him. Dust yourself off and move on

[c3pu]

Sounds a lot like the reason why i ended a 10 month relationship with a lovely woman - I just didn't love her like she deserved and couldn't see a long term future.

That was the only reason. This situation doesn't strike me as involving OW unless there's other signs, being mysteriously unavailable all of a sudden, secretive with his phone etc?

Just sounds like it's run its course for him and it's the correct thing to do to end it sooner rather than later if that is the case.

[TheNaze73]

He's given you the reason

[butterfly56]

When people tell you that they are not happy in the relationship no amount of asking them questions will make you feel any better about the situation.
It's going to be really difficult for you to get your head around this because it has obviously come as a big shock to you.
There may be someone else or there may not, whichever way he is not going to open up about his reasons.
He probably is not able to commit to you in the way that you want and that isn't your fault at all.
It's best to accept it's over and try and get on with your life than spend months and months trying to work out why he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.
I just hope you can move on and don't blame yourself