Handhold please *Trigger - rape*

[Thistleblue]

I've NC for obvious reasons.

I've reported an ex for rape and abuse. The police have taken it very seriously and are going to arrest him.

I don't want to say much more at the moment because I'm feeling very paranoid and on edge. I'm struggling to sleep or eat and just keep thinking to myself, 'Is this the biggest mistake I'll ever make?'

He still lives in the same city as me. I'm really frightened of the fallout. I wish it wasn't so hard to do but I know I need to do the right thing.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It is really hard to do.
But you did it.
That's a huge and brave step. Well done!
I really hope you get the outcome you want and he pays for what he's done.
Stay strong on the outside - you are doing a truly courageous thing here.
Helping to protect other women in the future.

Are you getting any professional support?
Are you in contact with Rape Crisis?
Make sure you get some support for you in all of this.

[Thistleblue]

I don't really know where to go. The police did offer me some numbers but I didn't think I'd need them. They've assigned me somebody to talk to but she isn't available for a couple of weeks.

My biggest fear is that I won't be believed. He made me out to be a nutcase when we were together and I expect that will be his defence this time.

I do have a very supportive DP but I'm very aware I don't want to put all of this on him.

[WingsofNylon]

I understand the fear of not being believed but the police are arresting him. That means the believe you. Where it goes from there we can say but hold on to that. Well done for deciding and following through. Do you have a family member who can be with you?

[madja]

I didn't report mine ( ex years ago ) and still feel bad that I didn't. I should have but I let all those fears get on top of me.
You are being really brave

[Thistleblue]

Hello again, thank you for your replies.

I'm finding it really hard and I'm not coping very well at all. I phoned Rape Crisis on Friday who were supportive and helpful but I still feel all mixed up. Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed followed by lots of alcohol at home to try to drown my thoughts

I was looking at old text messages between us today because I know these are going to come up with the police and in court if it gets that far. They already have my old phone. In some of the messages I don't come away looking good. Nothing terrible, but a bit angry and needy I suppose. I'm really worried the police will think I'm a horrible person and deserved it, even though I know that isn't rational.

I don't know what to expect from now. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for them to make the arrest. But then I'll feel in limbo again, waiting to see if he's charged etc. I need to find a way to cope with this and stop beating myself up so much. I wish I could knock the booze on the head but I'm not sure what to replace it with.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Sorry you feel like this. I've not much advice but didn't want to read and not comment. No matter how needy or angry your texts appear YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS. If they're arresting him they must feel it's warranted, they don't arrest people on one person's say so.

[LoyaltyAndLobster]

[chitofftheshovel]

Well done you. You've made the first step which shows incredible strength and bravery.

I'm sure you know this but alcohol is a depressant. Do try to cut down, I know it's hard, I have my own issues with alcohol but it really doesn't help.

[Desmondo2016]

Police officer here... akways much more sus when the victims phone is comoletely clear of anything at all that paints them as anything other than mother Teresa . It's totally irrelevant. Don't worry about it, you're doing fab.

[Allthelightsgoout]

You've done a very brave thing.

If they don't charge him - it doesn't mean you're not believed.

If they do charge him and it goes to court, he pleads not guilty and is found not guilty- that doesn't mean you're not believed.

The criminal justice system is based on potential evidence and a situation having happened beyond all reasonable doubt. Not belief.

The sad fact is the justice system relies on victims to make their complaint and prove it. And it should be that way; if i'm accused of something it shouldn't be down to me to prove it didn't happen - it's down to the system to prove it did because that's where the complaint/accusation came from.

But that's hard in a lot of situations and particularly hard in sexual offences, even more so in situations within a relationship.

And it's shit. The burden is on the victim to make the complaint, go through the hassle and trauma of interviews and Court if it gets that far. But I don't honestly see how it could be any other way. And I've been through it.

But it doesn't mean that you're not believed if it doesn't result in a charge or a conviction.