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nothing i do is ever enough

(11 Posts)
lala349296 Fri 18-Aug-17 02:33:40

im probably being stupid, please tell me if i am

but i feel alone, and it's over something small
i play second best to my cousin in everything, he does nothing to help my grandma when i do, he doesn't even ring her or contact her, i do, but it's never enough, he still gets treated better than i do

i got my a levels 2 years ago when my grandad first got diagnosed with alzheimers, no card or anything off my gran, (i put it down to preoccupied) this year ive just got onto a degree at uni, still no nothing, yet my cousin has the same, a levels and uni this year, and today a card for him was mentioned, it makes me feel like shit, because nothing i do seems to be worthy.

his parents make everything about him, all the conversation, and it's all fine for that to happen, it's got to the point now where i don't even tell my family anything, because they genuinely don't seem to give a shit. id rather keep my business to myself than have someone who's bothered about no one but themselves just overshadow everything i do

sigh, im so fed up of shit

thestamp Fri 18-Aug-17 03:21:28

I'm sorry you're sad.

I do think you might need to find other people to concentrate on, rather than your cousin or what the rest of your family think. You are an adult - it's time to turn your focus away from family and towards your independence.

Your accomplishments are valuable regardless of how your family responds to them.

Do you have friends and a good social life? If not, it's probably time to start investing in building those things for yourself. They'll give you a sense of perspective regarding your family and that'll help you feel less put out when your cousin gets attention.

lala349296 Fri 18-Aug-17 03:25:06

i don't go out as much as i use to as ive gained almost 3 stone and i hate myself and don't have any confidence anymore, i just want one person to say ive done really well and good at stuff.
i attract selfish people in my life, ive never had praise properly

FritzDonovan Fri 18-Aug-17 03:44:08

his parents make everything about him
Of course they do, he's their child, not you. It sounds like you're unhealthily fixated on equal treatment by everyone, even though some things may have happened due to other circumstances (your grandmother understandably had more important things to worry about when you did your A levels). Is the mentioned card primarily a 'well done on your results' card, because I wouldn't think of giving a 'well done for getting a place at uni' card!?!
How exactly does he get treated better?

MissBabbs Fri 18-Aug-17 03:57:59

Counsellingand self help books is the way to go so you realise you can't change other people , you can only change yourself.
For some reason you are the whipping boy in the family. You need to find your own way in life and stop looking to these damaged people to fix you.

Atenco Fri 18-Aug-17 03:58:01

Your weight should not be an impediment to going out, in fact it should be an incentive to go out more.

Stop concentrating on the negatives. You've just won a place at university; I presume it is in a course you want to do. You've got your whole life ahead of you. I don't really imagine you have put all that effort into studying just so you could get a card, did you? Does it really matter if people recognise our achievements when our achievements bring us happiness and pride for a job well done?

VisitorFromAlphaStation Fri 18-Aug-17 04:27:38

You shouldn't compare yourself with others, you're good enough just as you are. Some elderly people like to compare their grandchildren with each other, which is quite pointless, and if you asked the cousin maybe you'd hear him say your granny talks about you instead, when you're not around that is. OK, three stone is a lot so you might want to put in an effort to go over your diet and check to see if you eat a lot of sugary stuff and soft drinks, and change those for something better, and to check if you get a couple of hours exercise every week. If you change your diet and see to it that you go out and take a brisk walk four times a week, one hour each time, you'll see that the overweight will disappear (unless you continue to eat sugary and sweetened stuff, or fast food, at the same time).

WingsofNylon Fri 18-Aug-17 07:27:33

Oh dear. Yoy arent getting the most sensitive replys. OP all my life I've craved the approval of my parents, rarely getting it. They aren't horrific, they didn't abuse me but they rarely praised me or gave me attention. For example they would be able to tell you what sibjects i took for a level. In seco dart school they fight know the names of any of my friends even though they came over often. They wanted me to be happy but they jsut didn't want to have to play a role in my happiness.

I have huge issues with food just last night I finished reading a book called ' When food is love'. It explains how the subtle message a we get growing up become our beliefes and how we then use control over food (yes over eating is about control even though it might feel we are out of control) to replace the pain.

I recommend you read it. I'm sorry, I truely understand how shit it feels.

WingsofNylon Fri 18-Aug-17 07:29:01


So many typos. Sorry. I was posting without my contact lenses in!

Atenco Fri 18-Aug-17 13:43:14

"WingsofNylon" I'm sorry you think my reply was insensitive, that was not my intention. Empathy has its place, but we belong to a culture where we always emphasise the negative. So here we have a young girl who has just got into university to study something that I presume she wants to study who is letting a lack of appreciation of this fact by her relatives ruin this moment. Yes, a lot of us comfort eat so if the OP wants to stop comfort eating she needs to stop feeling the need for comfort. She needs to go out and enjoy life, there is absolutely no reason why her weight should be a reason to stay at home.

OP, many years ago a friend of mine who was massively overweight all her life joined a cycling club. She met wonderful people, had a great time and the weight just fell off her. As far as I know she didn't even consciously go on a diet. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself because your family don't appreciate you is a hide onto nothing. Your family won't change, what you need to change is your reaction to them. Look on other people's approval as the icing on the cake. Your cake comes without icing, but you are young, you are healthy and you are going to be studying something really interesting.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 18-Aug-17 13:52:44

Please look into Mindfulness
It may help you.
Amazon have a lot of different books on it so see which one suits you.
I'm not into it but know a lot of people it has helped massively.

Really, you have!
Don't let others minimise that.
You did it - on your own and you achieved a lot.

Stop people pleasing.
Stop giving to people who give you nothing back.

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