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Is he trying to get rid of me & I'm making a fool of myself?

(149 Posts)
Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 20:17:06

I met this guy I really hit it off with. I just met him out of the blue, in a bookstore. We got talking and we ended up talking for hours right there and then. He cajoled me into going out for a coffee with him. It was amazing. He asked for my number, we texted back and forth, and he asked me to let him know when I’m next free. I told him Friday. He texted back immediately “that should be great. What sort of time do you have in mind?” I replied that I’m free on Friday from 2pm. That was Tuesday. Since then he’s not been in touch.

Was he just pretending to be interested in me? (I’m kinda insecure).

SonicBoomBoom Thu 17-Aug-17 20:18:32

Have you texted him to ask if you're still on for 2pm tomorrow?

Hassled Thu 17-Aug-17 20:21:04

He probably wasn't pretending at the time - but you have no way of knowing what else is going on in his life. He may have had second thoughts - you'll probably never know. Maybe there was always someone else on the sidelines? All you can do is shrug and move on - you at least know that there are nice guys out there, so you'll meet another one.

SendintheArdwolves Thu 17-Aug-17 20:26:30

Text and ask if you're still meeting up tomorrow. If no reply, forget and move on. There could be a million reasons, ranging from "he's a wanker and a timewaster" to "he lost his phone" to "terrible personal emergency". But none of them are anything you should waste time imagining.

I'm sorry - I know it sucks to get that sparkle of excitement with someone and then have it just vanish.

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 20:36:28

no I've not texted him to ask if we are still on for tomorrow. There doesn't seem any reason to. If he wants to meet up he'd text me

LanaDReye Thu 17-Aug-17 20:44:40

It's worth one final text. Don't expect a reply, but there may have been some miscommunication so a last text would cover that.

RidingRossPoldark Thu 17-Aug-17 20:47:27

No, Don't bother texting. If he wants to meet up, he would have got in touch...time to move on.

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 21:07:37


IAmTheDragon Thu 17-Aug-17 21:20:51

Send one final text. What have you got to lose? If he replies, great. If she doesn't, don't go. Much better than either of you standing the other up tomorrow out of a communication mishap.

Happytobefree17 Thu 17-Aug-17 21:29:04

What did your last text say exactly? Because he's either

A) interested but thinking you're not as interested because of the tone of your text

B) knows you're interested and playing it cool

C) playing you

If your think it might be B or C move on. If you have an idea it could be A, text.

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 21:33:08

Paraphrasing for brevity:

Him: I'd love to see you again
Me: That would be fun
Him: Let me know when you're next free. Can you do Thursday?
Me: Can't do Thursday, but can do Friday?
Him: That should be good. What time do you have in mind?
Me: I'm free after 2pm on Friday

No reply from him. That was two days ago. (Previously he replied to all texts instantly).

My interpretation of this is that I'd have expected him to text now to confirm etc

TheWildRumpyPumpus Thu 17-Aug-17 21:36:10

'Free from 2pm' would throw me if I were trying to organise a date with someone. Do you want an evening meetup with drinks/dinner or a casual coffee in the daytime?

SonicBoomBoom Thu 17-Aug-17 21:36:38

I don't understand why you don't text him saying "Are we still on for tomorrow?" and see if he still wants to meet. Rather than this silly game of waiting to see if he texts you.

If he replies in a positive way and you want to see him tomorrow then go. If he doesn't, or makes a flimsy excuse, then at least you know where you stand and you can move on (after blocking/deleting him).

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 21:38:43

my actual words were "I can do any time after 2pm"

JK1773 Thu 17-Aug-17 21:39:04

I agree with Sonic. Just ask him. What's with the games waiting to see if he texts? He might be thinking the same. Just bite the bullet, at least you'll know

NinonDeLenclos Thu 17-Aug-17 21:41:08

Just ask him already.

If he doesn't reply you have your answer.

PenelopeFlintstone Thu 17-Aug-17 21:43:38

I would NOT ask him. It's his turn and he knows that.

Twinseeks Thu 17-Aug-17 21:44:58

This isn't an uncommon scenario.

EVERY time I've had a texting dating situation like this ( whether it's meeting in person or online, old or young, whether I think they're out of my league or the other way round) the person has turned out to be weird/ flaky/ a time waster/ a passive type expecting me to drive out, pick him up, bring him back to mine, feed him, instigate and have sex with him as our first "date".

Or they're someone who "tests" their dates to ensure they're doing all of the chasing and organising.

Never mind being called "high maintenance" for expecting basic social skills, ignore him and go with your first instinct.

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 22:00:12

I agree Penelope. I'm not playing games. I think I've behaved completely normally. To text again after he ignored my last text would be virtually stalking

Artemisi Thu 17-Aug-17 22:00:41

Very sad, Twin.

Allwashedup Thu 17-Aug-17 22:05:58

Perhaps he didn't receive your text? Worth sending another. Or calling him?

TheFifthKey Thu 17-Aug-17 22:09:22

I don't think it's game playing not to text him. One thing I have learnt: if a man is interested, YOU WILL KNOW. You will be in no doubt. You won't have to be wondering or waiting around.

user1493413286 Thu 17-Aug-17 22:10:14

He might have assumed that you'd made the arrangement and message in the morning to confirm time/place. If he doesn't message by noon tomorrow forget him.

Ellisandra Thu 17-Aug-17 22:10:24

There's nothing ambiguous in the exchange - he knows you said yes to Friday, even if your very last text didn't send, or he broke his phone...
I would just leave it (though I'd probably ask a friend to break my fingers - I feel for you!)

It may have all been very exciting at first then he thought "woah, I don't want to". Or he may have a girlfriend who has seen his phone.

Let it go. Sympathy for you though! What a dick to leave you hanging!

NinonDeLenclos Thu 17-Aug-17 22:11:09

One text is not stalking ffs.

If he's not interested you'll never see him again anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

You're way overthinking this. He may not have received the text, you text him to clarify, and if he doesn't reply you delete his number and forget about it.

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