My relationship with my dad is starting to get me down.

KAF94 · 2017-08-17 16:26:16

Hi! I'm new to this so I don't know the abbreviations! Anyway, I'm a 23 year old girl. Since I was about 13 my dad has gone through periods of not talking to me, until now the longest was for 3 months. These would be for silly things, for instance when I was 15 I went out with a boy he didn't approve of. Each time I've made effort to speak to him. Him and my mum were together and I have witnessed a lot of emotional abuse from my dad to my mum. To be honest, they are only still together because its easier for them. When my dad isn't talking to me my mum won't do anything about it - it seems that she accepts his behaviour at times. Anyway, last year, I finished university and moved to England from Belfast. When I left, things with my parents were fine. I have never been close with my parents, i dont really feel they have ever made an effort to actually support me apart from physical care. From 16, I've had to loan them money, pay off my grandad's funeral bill from my savings and never been paid back. In December, I went home as it was my graduation. The uni only gives 2 tickets but you can request more. I requested one more so my dad, mum and boyfriend at the time (now my fiance), could go. I didn't know until the day before I couldn't get an extra ticket. I decided that I really wanted my boyfriend there, he had supported me the most through university and I wanted him there. I told my dad I would buy him a ticket to the garden party and he could watch from the students union until the ceremony was over. He sent me texts saying "I am done with you". I had arranged a family dinner and paid a deposit for them all to go. My dad refused to go so I didn't see him at all when I was back visiting. The week before christmas he sent me a card and a cheque, I text him saying thank you and he text saying "miss you". I thought this meant that everything was fine again. On Christmas day I rang at 9am, I hadn't got time off for work so couldnt go back twice in a month. I spoke with my mum, but my dad said he "was too busy" to speak to me... on Christmas day. That was probably the most hurtful thing. Two months later, I got engaged, I rang home to tell them and he said he didn't care (he didn't tell me this he told me mum). My birthday was in April and he didn't even send a card or text. He told my mum he wont speak to me until I apologise re graduation. However, whilst I can see why he would be upset, I dont see why I should apologise for deciding who I want at my graduation baring in mind hes been so hot and cold with me since I was teenager. It's impacted on my relationship with my mum because I struggle sometimes to see why she would let her husband treat her child this way. Anyway, so recently I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm starting to realise that even though I feel he is an emotionally abusive person, for some reason i'm really hurt that he has just disowned me and hasn't even acknowledged my existence. My family isn't a big family anyway so I don't really have a lot of family support. I know a lot of people might think I was wrong or selfish for not letting him be at my graduation over my fiance, but to be honest, I didnt really want either parent there because they don't support me or even pay attention to anything that I am doing. I just wondered if anyone knew any ways I could emotionally get over this and move on in my life. I would love to have his support, but I don't think I will ever get it and it will just continue to be on and off and I don't want that. Thank you

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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The OP has been in touch and asked us to remove this thread as she had concerns about it being too identifying. We agreed, especially as the thread was so short. OP was grateful for all advice received.