Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is my marriage over? Baby/ name calling/ other woman

(31 Posts)
Womble87 Thu 17-Aug-17 12:29:37

I have never posted anything before but i just feel lost. Me and husband were childhood sweethearts, been together for 13 years, married for a few, have house, cars, good jobs. We are both 30. For a couple years i have wanted a baby but he kept putting it off, eventually he agreed after 12 years together, we were trying for 7 months and i was desperate for a baby then he said he had changed his mind and didnt want it anymore, i was devastated. He said i forced him into it. He said there are enough humans in the world, why would he want to add anymore?! I am on anti depressants because of the stress. Over last couple months a woman at his work has started going out on lunch with him everyday, texting each other, people have thought they were a couple as they are so close. Has caused massive arguments. Last week she wasn't there and he called me at lunch, i said its nice he was calling me and he said "its only because i dont have anyone else to talk too" . This morning he called me a cunt, twat even though i did nothing wrong. Punched me in the arm too because he stalled the car and i sniggered. He uses the car over me as he paid for it. He blames me for literally everything, says im controlling and its all my fault. It will be hard to leave because of money, he earns double what i do. I feel so depressed and stuck, i want to curl up into a ball and never wake up again :-(

HensAndRabbits Thu 17-Aug-17 12:33:36

flowerscake I'm so sorry. He sounds like an absolute cunt. I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave the only person you've ever been with but you have to, you really do.

Not only do you want completely different things from life he seems to actively dislike you. When was the last time he did something for you that made you happy?

GlitterSparkles17 Thu 17-Aug-17 12:33:46

Firstly you need to get out of this relationship. He doesn't want kids and you do, it doesn't sound as though he will change his mind and honestly after the things you've said do you think he would make a good dad?

He sounds like a twat who's looking elsewhere while he's still with you. I think you know what's best to do.

AnyFucker Thu 17-Aug-17 12:34:35

That's not a marriage

Chloe421 Thu 17-Aug-17 12:38:40

I'm sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation... with this horrible man. Ultimately he is behaving abusively towards you, and you deserve much better. You say leaving will be difficult due to finances, I understand this. Could you call woman's aid for some practical guidance. It is tough but your wellbeing is priceless.

AdalindSchade Thu 17-Aug-17 12:41:25

If you stay with him you will end up lonely, alone and childless. Don't do it to yourself.

Heygirlheyboy Thu 17-Aug-17 12:45:08

Get out as quickly as you can. That's such a horrible way to treat you. You don't feel it but you are so young still, you'll come out the other side. flowers

PennyTentiary Thu 17-Aug-17 12:46:12

He's abusive and a cheat. Why do you think that's all you're worth?
The fact that you want kids and he doesn't is enough to end the relationship anyway. You'll find a way to manage financially. I'm currently a low earner, ex earns 4 times what I do (I can't work full time yet because childcare would wipe out my entire wages). I still split when he cheated because I deserve better. So do you.
Good luck, get some real life support from people you trust.

AufderAutobahn Thu 17-Aug-17 12:47:16

What an absolute abusive arse you're married to. He has no respect for you, please don't stay with him. Get out now while you don't have children with him xxx

Angelf1sh Thu 17-Aug-17 13:48:27

You need to ltb, this will escalate. Punching you because the car stalled is not just a red flag, it's a flashing red flag with a screaming siren blaring! This will get worse now that he's crossed that line and you haven't done anything about it. Get out whilst you're still safe.

Add to that, he's a cheat and has strung you along about kids. He's not a catch.

AgathaF Thu 17-Aug-17 13:57:09

He's physically and emotionally abusive. He's probably having an affair, at the very least he's having an emotional affair. You both want different things out of life (children). Why would you want to stay with him?

hellomarshmallow Thu 17-Aug-17 14:00:08

He sounds horrible and he's cheating on you.

The money may not be a big problem: rent a cheap place and cut down on all expenses. You cannot stay in this relationship: you have to leave. You're on drugs because you're so unhappy. You can find another partner in time, and maybe have the baby you want.

Get your finances sorted and paperwork together. Secretly get copies of his payslips, anything that may help your divorce settlement in the future. Get a free consultation with solicitors.

Get tested for STIs as soon as you you can too...sorry.

MeriWitch Thu 17-Aug-17 14:03:03

Oh my gosh OP. This broke my heart he sounds just like my X.

It's emotional abuse & punching you in the arm for sniggering is physical abuse.
You seem really unhappy, money isn't everything and trust me you will find a way around it if you leave.

Don't stay with him just because of money worries, you'll stay unhappy that way.
You clearly want children very much, if he doesn't want them then you're incompatible in that way.

I really think you should leave flowers

Goingtobeawesome Thu 17-Aug-17 14:08:38

Your husband is horrible. Please believe that you can leave, you can manage without him and you will be fine. Don't let him abuse you for another minute.

Ellisandra Thu 17-Aug-17 14:10:36

I find it really sad that you'll put up with this treatment for money sad

Is a nice car really worth being treated like shit?

Gemini69 Thu 17-Aug-17 14:15:14

I agree with everyone on here.. leave and find someone who wants the same things as you x

Aquamarine1029 Thu 17-Aug-17 14:15:55

It's time to pick yourself up, take a deep breath, find a solicitor, and get the fuck away from that miserable husband of yours before you waste any more time with him. You don't need him and he certainly doesn't deserve you. You are so young and could have such a happy life. You will never have a happy life with your bastard husband.

MikeUniformMike Thu 17-Aug-17 14:17:29

You need to think about where to go from here. It looks like your marriage is not good. Forget about the money he earns for now, and concentrate on what you want.

Could counselling save your marriage? It's an option.

Otherwise, think about leaving and get the ball rolling. At 30, you have your life ahead of you. At 40 do you want to be with your husband?
Or would you prefer a different life, perhaps with a new man and a couple of kids.

HadronCollider Thu 17-Aug-17 14:23:58

Worst thing you could do is have kids with this man in this marriage. It will not make the marriage better. Babies are hard work, so if the relationship is not good having a baby will make things 10x worse.

This man sounds emotionally and physically abusive. He has worn you down and treated you like shit. Now your self esteem is on the floor. Get out of it now. As a preliminary step, go somewhere for a few day, a hotel anywhere so you can detach and think, and gather your strength.

If you stay you'll pay.

SandyY2K Thu 17-Aug-17 15:18:44

Yes. Your marriage is over. Time to get your ducks in a row and be thankful you don't have children with him.

Womble87 Fri 18-Aug-17 11:01:56

Thanks for all the advice, it's given me alot to think about. He kept asking me why i was stressy yesterday and i said because of the name calling and punch and he hasn't said sorry, then he said, well you haven't said sorry either..... now i'm no angel but i haven't done anything wrong whatsoever. I really don't get it. MEN ARGH!

GreenTulips Fri 18-Aug-17 11:04:25

Get out - find a nice man to have kids with

You deserve better

AgathaF Fri 18-Aug-17 12:07:37

MEN ARGH! - this man, not all men.

What are your thought on all of this now?

Brahms3rdracket Fri 18-Aug-17 12:08:07

He's a complete twat. You'll be able to afford a room in a shared house. Anywhere would be better than living with someone who calls you a cunt for no reason and punches you. Don't waste any more precious years on this horrible man.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 18-Aug-17 13:13:10

Do you have anyone in real life you are confide in?
You need some love and support right now.
Do you have family nearby you could go to for a couple of days.
Just to clear your head.
Punching, name calling, blaming, etc... NOT OK!
ALL abusers say they are being abused so please ignore that!
I would imagine this is the tip of the iceberg.
Read THIS thread

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now