My DP has decided that family life isn't for him and left yesterday. It's a complete bolt out of the blue. He's staying at a hotel and waiting to sign a lease. It's happened so fast and I don't really understand any of it.
He's left me, our 2 children, and we've got another baby due later this year. I feel like my whole world has caved in. Can't eat, can't drink, can't sleep properly.
It feels like he's left me for someone else but I'm 99.9% sure he hasn't - but that would be easier to understand.
I don't know what I'm after I just feel so utterly alone and I can't see how to get through any of this. We'll have to move because I can't afford the rent and bills, god knows how we'll do that with no money coming in as I've been a SAHM with some freelancing on the side.
I thought things were good - that we'd got through some really rough times - we got engaged two months ago - and now I'm pregnant, single, with two children, and no money.
Happy summertime!...
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
25 weeks pregnant and DP walked out and isn't coming back
timingisabastard · 15/08/2017 07:54
I am sorry you are going through this 
. Others with more advice will be along soon. Be kind to yourself. Have you got family close by or friends who can be with you? Ask for help and lean on people as much as you need to. It's what I did and it helped me through.
Sorry this is happening to you.
I could have written it myself - DP of 4 years, have a child together etc decided family life wasn't for him. Total bolt out the blue.
Shock horror he's now seeing someone he "just met".
It's hard, but you'll get through it. It hurts like hell but you will absolutely get through it and come out the other side a better person for it.
Oh love. So sorry.
Similar thing happened to me.
You will get through it. So glad your SIL is supportive. Reach out for support anywhere you can. In the end he will regret his actions and you will undoubtedly have a closer relationship with your kids because of it.
It's probably a woman on-line.
But that's irrelevant right now.
Read MrsBert post again and get the ball rolling.
You will also get a reduction in council tax as a single adult in the house.
YOU have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.
He has walked out on 2 kids and pregnant woman.
The shame is all HIS!
Tell everyone. Get all the love and support around you that you possibly can.
Do NOT keep his dirty secret. And there will be one.
Keep hydrated - keep your sugar levels up.
Do try to eat. Hard as it may be - you have to think of your baby.
Ensure he has to take the kids some of the time.
You will need the break and he will need to see what it's like looking after them on his own.
Friends and family will get you through this.
for you.
Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Ask him what paperwork he wants and tell him you'll have it waiting, but that you are not going to leave for his convenience.
I'd also be going through the paperwork in the house and making sure I had copies of payslips, P60s and all the rest of it before he can take them so you have information to back up a claim for child maintenance.
It's pretty gutless of him not to be able to cope with you being in the house for this. As tough as this is, you deserve way better
Agree with the others
He walks out on you whilst being 25wks pregnant with two DC and asks that you not be there when he comes to collect paperwork.....fuck that!
He just wants to ease his conscience. Well sorry dick head, that's tough 
.
Use the time whilst you have company to copy all relevant documents (even if you ask them to do it), like his P60's, wage slips, pension etc. I appreciate that it's an emotional time, but he's obviously had time to detach and will not have your best interests at heart.
Also, tell your midwife, GP and the DC school.
I'm sorry this has happened (I'm 28 wks pregnant and so really understand how you are feeling at the mo).
Keep posting.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
I'm so sorry you're going through this
My exdp left when DS was 2 and a half because 'being a full time dad was too much hard work' - this was after I'd forgiven him for multiple affairs. I remember feeling like the bottom had dropped out of my world and feeling completely heartbroken and then having to deal with the panic of practical things - how to switch bills over, could I afford it, the minefield of benefits - and also feeling terrified of how judged I would be. I remember saying to my mum at the time that it physically hurt to breathe. That lasted a little while.
But I posted to offer a little glimmer of hope even though it'll feel like such a long way off yet:
- exdp left about 5 years ago. I am now a far more determined, independent and happy person than I ever was with him.
- in a way I am much more confident; in that I know that whatever life throws at me and DS we will get through it and things will be fine.
- DS and me are very close and have an easy relationship for the most part. His dad struggles much more with him
- I have built an amazing network of friends and family over the last few years. Exdp made sure I was quite isolated whereas now there is always someone I can call, whatever time of day it is, if something happens. I'd never have that network if he'd stayed
- in retrospect, I don't think I'd have ever had the guts to leave if he hadn't and I would be miserable, constantly telling myself that it was hard because that's how relationships are.
What helped me in the early days is also what scared me the most: practical things. I made a list of all the bills, prioritised them and called 2 a day until they were sorted. You can't really plan financially until you know what benefits you'll get and what maintenance you'll get so try to make a loose plan and then let go of worrying about that as much as you possibly can until you have that information. Set up a contact schedule with your ex for when the girls will stay with him. Do this as soon as possible. It will be hard for a while to not have them with you (I didn't sleep for about the first month's worth of contact) but you need that time to do whatever you need to after holding it together in front of the girls (the first couple of times DS left I would just curl up in bed and cry, it gave me the strength to paste a smile on when he was back).
Also, the most important thing that helped me was the list I made which consisted of everything exdp didn't let me do, from little things like have a glass of wine in the evenings, to having friends round, to the big things like my degree! I used to do something every time I felt at my lowest and it helped.
Lastly, and this is really hard, try not to focus on why he left. You have to learn to not see him the way you have done for all the time you've been together. IME men are much better at doing this. I spent a long time asking exdp why it didn't upset him that we didn't have smalltalk anymore, that I still wanted to tell him about my day each evening etc (I know, I look back and cringe). Whereas, for him, the minute he made the decision to leave, I wasn't his partner anymore. I wasn't his friend or someone he loved. I became just the mother of his child. So he was civil but detached. I wasted so much time trying to convince him that I was enough and driving myself up the wall thinking of the woman he ended up with very shortly afterwards. That's the only thing about that period of time that I regret but I accept it's pretty hard to separate yourself!
Also, another thing (sorry, I know this is ridiculously long) please please don't worry about people judging you for being a single mum. I've only come across one person that made a catty remark about me being a single mum and he was a dick, everyone else has been supportive and said they really respect me for managing on my own. I think there's such a cliche in our heads of how society views single mums but, in reality, that attitude doesn't really exist as much anymore.
Sending big unmumsnetty hugs. I remember my DF saying to me when he found out "I won't ask you how you are because I know right now you'll be feeling like shit, all I will say is that you know you're going to be alright, it's just the getting there part that's crappy" and it was so true. You're going to be fine. All the firsts are the hardest - e.g. First birthday, first Christmas etc and then it gets easier. You just have to ride it out.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.