Absolutely desperate for affection :(

[OhSoSad]

I'm recently separated after a 20 year marriage. ExH and I didn't sleep together for probably the last year and were in separate rooms until he moved out.

We're on good terms but I'm still sad about the end of our relationship even though I'm sure we've made the right decision. I know I need to give myself time to find my feet as a single person but I'm absolutely craving some affection - not necessarily sex (although it would be nice) but just a hug, a kiss etc.

But I'm not ready for another relationship (be a bit disrespectful this soon anyway) and I don't think I'm in the best place for a ONS even if I could get one. Friends have suggested online dating but again it feels too soon plus I'm not sure I could handle rejection or lack of interest at the moment.

I am so lonely and desperate for a bit of physical contact, it's embarrassing how much I want to be with someone. Really don't know what to do. I don't want to get hurt or make a bad situation worse but I just want that connection with someone so much :(.

[NotQuiteJustYet]

I didn't want to read and run.

You sound like you're mourning the end of your relationship still so I would agree about it being too soon to move on to something else right now. That being said, a date can be a fantastic ego boost when you're in need of one (god knows we all need that from time to time) and it doesn't have to be anything beyond a meal and a drink with someone.

Personally, I'd be rallying my girl-friends around me at the moment. We're never too old for a bit of support from friends.

I hope you find something that works for you until you're feeling more like you again

[Tigerbear]

I'm in a similar mindset right now - not identical, but have recently come out of a relationship (where the sexual side wasn't that often) - and absolutely CRAZING intimacy with someone. Just wanted to say that I totally identify.

I wouldn't try to do online dating just yet, not when you're feeling fragile. I can tell you from past - and current - experience - it's pretty brutal out there, and you need to be in the right mindset and feeling confident in yourself to put yourself out there.
Top tip for when you do though - don't necessarily think that the sites where you have to pay to be a member are in any way better than apps like Tinder - absolutely no difference in the 'quality' (for want of a better term!) of the men on each site.
Good luck.

[wotabastard]

Same here except it went from very active sex life to a bolt from the blue separation in a matter of days. Really missing it and longing for it but am not interested in meeting anyone! Way too soon.

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

OP I know it's not the same as having a bf but if it's mainly COMFORT and touch you need rather than sex/romance, do try a good male massage therapist, you will feel cared for and it may be enough for now.
Another thing is to go to dance classes - some human touch and a bit of flirting but no pressure for anything (salsa or ballroom).

[OhSoSad]

Sorry to hear some of you are in the same boat. I'm lucky I've got good mates and a supportive family but I'm so in need of a bit more even though it'd probably be disastrous .

[noego]

It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex that can give you what you want. Sex doesn't have to be top of the agenda.
In my own case I have friends and lovers. We meet and socialise, have intimate conversations, confide in each other. If sex happens then it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't. Either way its always ok. There is no pressure.

[Aridane]

OP I know it's not the same as having a bf but if it's mainly COMFORT and touch you need rather than sex/romance, do try a good male massage therapist, you will feel cared for and it may be enough for now.

Oh, that's really grossing me out!

[OhSoSad]

Yeah I appreciate the thought but I'm not sure a massage is quite going to do it for me.

[sourpatchkid]

What's gross about massage 😳

[Aridane]

Having it in lieu of a man giving hugs and kisses

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

really, Aridane? have you got any suggestions for OP who feels too vulnerable for rejection/dating? Even FWB can involve rejection/having to adapt to their schedule/them being insensitive etc.
Yes, she wouldn't get kisses but the tactile side would be there, and I did say a GOOD person which means they really focus on individual and there is nothing sleazy at all. Obviously, OP, this may not be your thing, just thinking of a quick solution for now. Not 'instead of a BF' long-term.

Suggesting an escort may have been gross!

[chestylarue52]

Another vote for massage therapy, male or female. Releases those oxytocin hormones you're craving. Also do things that make you happy / spending time with friends and family, anything that gets the endorphins going.

[chestylarue52]

Noego has the right idea.

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

chesty - I agree it sounds great for confident people, but not for those just post-breakup or otherwise in a fragile state of mind.

Sounds like OP needs a bit of time treating herself gently, caring for herself. Also - yes, a female therapist is an equally good option, I suggested male mainly because on some level it instills a bit of confidence (just those pheromones) and may take the edge of being totally lonely due to male presence there without any pressure 'to perform' like you would with a BF.
But female wd be good too, just need to like their style.