He says that me getting too wet means he can't come

[Felinefine81]

Hey everyone, apologies for the overly explicit title but I would like some advice on this please.

I am very stressed out as my current boyfriend takes ages to come and I'm worried it's to do with me. When I get turned on, I get fairly wet and the way he thrusts means that he sometimes slips out of me midway through sex. He said that the reason he can't come is because I am too wet and this has made me really insecure about myself. I am 35 and nobody has ever said I get too wet or has had this problem with me. In fact, not that I've been with loads of men, but most seem to find me being wet a turn on and they've come no problem. He's made me think that I'm loose 'down there' and I've considered doing pelvic floor exercises to remedy this.

I should add I've never had children and that he is well endowed. I know he watched porn and pleasures himself to it so I'm wondering if this has anything to do with this.

One night I cried after he said about me being too wet and he said he wouldn't mention it again but it's like the elephant in the room. He now pounds away for ages until he eventually comes and sometimes even that isn't enough and he has to finish himself off.

Advice greatly appreciated please!

[Elllicam]

It sounds more like he has got that death grip thing where he has desensitised himself by over wanking. He also sounds like a twat blaming you for it.

[Girty999]

Try different positions, legs together etc, it's all about finding what works, slipping out is all part of it, he should be proud you are so aroused, you could always keep a towel handy for a mid way wipe I'm very much the same and its never bothered DH we deal with it if he slips out we change position etc or a quick wipe and we're off again x

[Pollydonia]

He is negging you. I'd ditch him personally.

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

It's more likely that using his hand (much rougher than any vagina) means he has desensitised his dick to having sex with you. Suggest he abstain from wanking off to porn for a bit and see if things improve. Lubrication is normal and necessary for you to have pleasurable pain free sex.
Seriously, it's not you - it's him :)

[EasyToEatTiger]

That sounds horrible. My husband couldn't cope with me being turned on. I think he'd rather fuck sandpaper. Some men do. Really! I think you'd know if you had a weak pelvic floor as you'd probably have bladder problems. The problem is his. Take care and don't let him hurt you.

[thatorchidmoment]

Uh, you seem to be functioning perfectly normally. Wet is good.

He, on the other hand, has probably messed up his sensitivity with porn and wanking. I agree with pp that he probably has got used to his own death grip and struggles to finish without it.

It's definitely his problem and not yours. How would he deal with a discussion where you told him this? If the answer is 'badly', he is unlikely to change anything and it will remain an issue.

He needs to ditch the porn and resensitise. Or you could ditch him and find someone else who rightly finds it a turn-on that you are turned on.

[Felinefine81]

Thanks everyone. I have no problem with him wanking as see it as natural but I'm worried it's affecting sex with me. He still wants to have sex but there is the issue that he can't come. Now I'm thinking in my head about not getting too wet and it's ruining things for me a bit. As I say, I have never had this before but it's making me paranoid.

[PsychedelicSheep]

I also think death grip. It is reversible but he'll have to take responsibility and sort it out which he doesn't sound that up for doing. His loss.

It's not the end of the world if he car come from PiV, most women can't! You can always do other things.

If he continues to make you feel bad about yourself though just dump instead.

[CremeFresh]

Too much porn I reckon .

[TheNaze73]

Agree with the other posters. He's watching far too much porn. It's his issue not yours.

[Felinefine81]

Coincidentally, one day recently we had sex and told him I didn't want foreplay (because of the too wet issue) and he said he had cuts on it afterwards. It seems I can't win. Either too wet or not wet enough that he joked I should put the razor blades away. :(

[user1494187262]

You getting wet means you're turned on.

To most normal men this would turn them on.

[user1494187262]

X-post.
Get rid xxx

[MargoChanning]

He's a nasty arsehole. He's negging you to make you feel shit about yourself so that you'll do whatever he wants. Dump the bastard and find someone better who will treat you with respect.

[Auchan]

Mumsnet madness strikes again.

Death grip wanking and a porn addiction?! Seriously????

OP myself and DH sometimes have issues with this nothing to do with issues spouted above. We try different positions, especially ones where my legs are closed to "tighten" the grip. It's perfectly normal and some guys just feel less sensation with more lubricant. Try some new positions to see if that helps.

[Dumdedumdum]

What is in this for you? If he's just a boyfriend and causing this much pain just ditch him.

[Felinefine81]

In all honesty I don't think I even get that wet. Just normal wet! He also doesn't really come through bjs which makes me feel like my technique is off. I've looked up things to try but nothing works. He seems to like them though as always asks for them so I don't know what that means...

[Brown76]

It's not you, it's him. Use a condom if he's slipping out perhaps. 'banging away for ages' doesn't sound much fun either, I hope you are able to come/enjoy the sex as well.

[Felinefine81]

He is loving and gives me loads of affection. He doesn't always blame me and sometimes pretends he can't come due to other factors ie he needs to pee. He hasn't said a word about me being too wet since I cried and said it made me feel like shit about myself.

[fairgame84]

It sounds like you're not compatible sexually. He seems quick to lay fault with you rather than suggesting ways you can work together to resolve HIS issue.

[FledglingFTB]

Heaven forbid you enjoy yourself too

You've listened to his issues, you've clearly tried to address them with a bit of research and trying new things and he's making excuses to blame you. The issue here lies with him. Not you.

[WowserBowser]

Stop blaming yourself! He sounds like he has a problem coming through any kind of sexual activity that isn't with himself. That isn't Mumsnet madness!

He doesn't sound very nice

[PushingThru]

Dump him. He knows exactly that the problem is wanking too much and would prefer to blame you & make you insecure instead. Also, the 'pounding away' suggests you're not enjoying sex & he doesn't care about it much either.

[Felinefine81]

I don't judge him for the porn as I watch it too occasionally and also have a vibrator. However, this doesn't affect how much I desire and get turned on by him. If anybody disagrees with me doing this, I fully understand.