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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Need someone elses views on neighbour

77 replies

seaurchin2016 · 03/08/2017 04:18

Neighbours next door are same age as us- middle aged. He has a very bad anger management problem. At first they were sort of okay. then they starting ignoring us. Next they avoided us. Then we heard nasty one word comments over the fence. We tried to speak to them but they became aggressive and ordered us off their property- we left. the woman now peers through the curtains at us or looks at us at every opportunity and quickly closes the curtains. The man watches us when we are in the garden. We can see their profiles behind the curtains. Sometimes she stands in the window of her home and is obviously mouthing off to us. The other neighbours are friendly. We are not noisy, we go about our own business but consider others, other neighbours are fine with us. but every time we go into the garden or out in the car they are watching us. We have never seen them smile. We are not nosey and go out of our way to not look in their direction in order to keep the peace. If I do something in the garden they copy. When she does the front garden and we are going out in the car she will stand with arms folded and try to stare us out. If we stop and go towards her she quickly dashes inside the house or around the corner.
Any ideas as to what is going on with this one? It's got me beat!

OP posts:

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Rayche1 · 03/08/2017 04:32

Weirdos
I've lived next to weirdos before. Best thing to do is ignore the weirdness & be detached. A cheery hello throws them right off
Stop thinking about it/interacting/looking out your window just pretend they barely exist

VisitorFromAlphaStation · 03/08/2017 04:34

That sounds really weird. But some people like their privacy, whatever that is, and aren't open to friendly conversation or any conversation for that matter. I think the best option, for now, is to ignore them and not try to start up a conversation or approach them. One problem seems to be they are gradually building up some sort of anger against your family, probably commenting between them and condemning this and that you do, and building up some sort of sense of "we two against the neighbours". I've noticed sometimes that some people find friendship in commenting negatively about a third party who is not there. If you can have a high fence blocking the view from the neighbours into your garden, that might be something to consider.

seaurchin2016 · 03/08/2017 08:56

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's really kind of you. It helps a lot to see what other people think. We think its weird too but we weren't sure. Yes, they do like their privacy but they chat okay to the people on the other side of them. Mind you they need them to look after their house when they go away on holiday. We must have been lucky before as we have always had nice neighbours until we moved to our present house. Thanks again.

OP posts:

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 03/08/2017 09:00

Wave and smile. They'll feel silly and stop doing it.

youarenotkiddingme · 03/08/2017 09:02

Totally agree about waving with a cheery hello every time you clock them.
Nothing throws someone's weirdness off course more than others responding to it as if its the most natural thing in the world.

SabineUndine · 03/08/2017 09:10

Yeah, weird. My neighbours spent 15 years in a one-sided feud with me because I said I couldn't stop my cats going in their garden (the area is fairly riddled with cats so even if I'd kept the cats in it would have made no difference). The woman in particular seemed to need to make a show of being rude, pushing in front of me at the bus stop, turning her back on me. I just acted as if they didn't exist. They were vulgar people with no class and no manners.

Valderal · 03/08/2017 13:10

What you're describing sounds hilarious.

I would absolutely kill them with kindness

Seriously though OP what on earth have you done to these poor wonderful weirdos

ContinuingPrim · 03/08/2017 16:39

Very strange.
From what you've posted it doesn't sound as though you have done anything that could have caused their antipathy.

It may be that they are the kind of couple who stay bonded by turning someone into a mutual enemy/hate figure. If that's so, then be careful! Anything you do will be twisted and exaggerated to feed the paranoia.

Avoid them. When you can't avoid them, ignore them. Just give no reaction at all.

PollyPerky · 03/08/2017 16:42

Do they work? You say they are middle aged. Surely that's 45- 60 so do they have time to watch you come and go? Are they not out at work?

why would they order you off their property? You said you were looking over the fence- that's not ON their land.

Is this for real ?

seaurchin2016 · 03/08/2017 22:32

Yes they do work but the lady has a lot of time off work even though she's not ill and the man is able to work from home when he wants.
At one point we had to knock on their door to discuss the fact that they put food out for furry things - unfortunately it attracts rats. We needed to speak to them about the rats because we were going to put rat poison down and we thought the neighbours should know. They started hurling abuse at us rather than discussing the rats. It is then that they ordered us off their property. We still have rats tunnelling into our garden but we put up with it in order to keep the peace.
It's a horrible situation because they watch us or should I say spy on us like hawks. It's so creepy.

OP posts:

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 03/08/2017 22:35

Sorry to have to ask but could it be racism?

Some people still are and can show it by this kind of hostility

seaurchin2016 · 03/08/2017 22:59

No it's not racism because we are all white British. The nicest neighbours in our street though are Sikh and Muslim with whom we are very friendly and have long chats with. We live in a truly multi-cultural street.

OP posts:

YouRat · 03/08/2017 23:03

Op sounds like a horror film. Just standing around and watching you and giving you the evils. I would secretly film them. Just in case in turns nasty.

seaurchin2016 · 04/08/2017 00:27

They watch us, stare us out but they don't speak. They just look with a scowl on their faces. We have never seen them smile.
She cuts the lawn in the rain and even when it is snowing.
I just needed to know whether other people thought it was weird behaviour.

OP posts:

CremeFresh · 04/08/2017 01:32

I agree with the killing them with kindness approach. A nice cheery 'good morning' or even a compliment about their garden or her hair/ clothes.

It is odd behaviour, have you asked other neighbours about them ?

seaurchin2016 · 04/08/2017 02:56

No I haven't asked other neighbours. I let people form their own ideas about them. One neighbour did say that she was ignored and asked if the same happened to me. But that has changed because the odd neighbours need her to look after their house whilst they go on holidays. So, the odd neighbours make a big show of talking to them. Thanks for confirming that it is odd behaviour as I wasn't sure.

OP posts:

olympicsrock · 04/08/2017 05:15

Maybe it is racism. Perhaps they don't like you talking to your non- white neighbours. Either way they are very odd people. Best avoided.

Finallyatlast · 04/08/2017 08:19

Nowt as strange as folk! My advice is best way to deal with people like this is to be super nice. Always wave and say hello

TheMogget · 04/08/2017 08:29

If they are causing rats why not call the council? They've obviously decided they don't like you already you may as well be rid of the rats.

I agree with other smile/wave/hello when you see them and then just go about your business, I wouldn't studiously avoid looking at them or anything. Some people are odd

Angelf1sh · 04/08/2017 08:34

It is odd but I would just ignore them. I understand why people are saying just say hello or wave when you see them but personally I'd say that's likely to make things worse as it will just antagonise them. You really don't need to get on with or even talk to your neighbours in this day and age so I'd just leave them to it. Whatever their problem is, you can't solve it so I'd just detach and stop worrying about it.

WunWun · 04/08/2017 08:39

What furry things were they putting food out for?

Timefortea99 · 04/08/2017 08:40

Angel has the right idea. They are weirdos. Don't engage.

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ScrambledSmegs · 04/08/2017 08:52

You shouldn't have to put up with rats! Deal with the rats and ignore the rude neighbours.

thecatneuterer · 04/08/2017 09:55

If you came to tell me off about feeding foxes/stray cats I wouldn't take it well either. I wouldn't react weirdly, but I can see why you have pissed them off.

And the foxes/cats will almost certainly eat all the food, so that won't attract rats, and foxes/cats hunt rats.

So yes, they are reacting weirdly and the best thing would be to ignore. But I can understand why they are upset with you.

seaurchin2016 · 04/08/2017 12:07

No cats or foxes. For some reason we don't get cats/foxes round here. It's squirrels and pigeons they are feeding.

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