Hi all, im a single mum with two teenage children from a previous relationship. Although ive met someone and we've been going out over five years. He stays at my home most of the week but this past year he seems to be always working. He comes round for dinner after work then heads out again then comes back to watch tv and goes to bed. He's constantly on fb. Im unable to bring up our relationship, discuss holidays, plans or where our relationship is going as he blows up. When i do this he will discuss my faults and areas for me to improve before things can move forward. He good with my two when he is here. I dont know what to do as i am 42 and thought of meeting someone else at this age scares me.
He is abusive towards you and a poor role model for your DC to witness. This is no relationship for you to be in; infact this is all really on his terms, you are merely convenient to him and he does not value you or your children at all. This is a relationship that has and is going absolutely nowhere.
He also reads like a cocklodger; they actively target single mums (and not just them either) because they think the woman would put up with any male company.
The term cocklodger means, 'bloke who targets a single mum who is so desperate for male company that he will be able to move in, get his washing done, his meals cooked and sit on her sofa watching DVDs all day in return for an occasional couple of minutes of scuttling from behind'. Such men can also smell desperation on a woman who has been taught that she's nothing without a partner, and so they know that they can spend her money, flirt with her friends, expect to be serviced and kept, all in exchange for the occasional 'romantic' gesture like a bunch of flowers from the petrol station or a bit of grudgingly-done DIY that they claim in a 'man's job'.
Thanks for your quick replies. The false hopes he gives me that we will both be engaged in the next year and that was 3 years ago.
Its tough holding down a job and being a mum. My family are supportive but i dont have many i can depend on moral support. He has took several weeks away at his throughout year as things were getting tough. When i was on my own then i didnt want to finish it.
Being in a rubbish relationship is harder. You are right when you say 'false' hope, he gets his meals, sex and you get - what?
I'm older than you, newly separated and a mum and I'm full of hope and optimism, I'm no longer lonely because I'm alone, I was terribly lonely in my relationship. I'm making fun plans, maybe Mr right will come along, maybe not, but I don't mind. I can depend on me
Back to being single is tough If you were in a loving and supportive relationship, then I'd agree. But he's behaving as though he still is single and he's chipping away at your self esteem to the extent that you're willing to tolerate his behaviour. What are you getting from him? How is he making you happy?
Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. He makes you feel all alone doesn't he?.
Back to being single is better than what you have now. He is truly a rubbish example of a man to be showing your children in terms of a relationship. Are you really that desperate for male company that you would put up with any old nonsense from him, he certainly seems to think so.
Im unable to bring up our relationship, discuss holidays, plans or where our relationship is going as he blows up. When i do this he will discuss my faults and areas for me to improve before things can move forward.
Look, being single can be hard, but nothing is as hard as being involved with a knob like this.
Ive picked up the courage with some hard hitting honesty. Im glad hes away and it was his decision with a gentle push from me. Its a week now and hes probably waiting for a text. You were all right it was knocking my confidence. Thanks onwards and upwards.