Arranged a date, 2 weeks ago...its tomorrow! Im not sure if I should cancel :(

[user1496589862]

I always do this! Then when I do actually go ahead and turn up to a date, I never make it past date 2, maybe 3. Im a size 16 and have absolutely no body confidence. Im ok from the head up! Im not saying there is anything wrong with a size 16. Im all for supporting women to love themselves whatever their size and always preaching within my job not to judge yourself, be kind to yourself, but I cant quite support myself, and dont know why!
We have been texting a couple of weeks. In that time I have tried to prep myself and now the day before I am thinking of all excuses possible! All I keep thinking is he will be disappointed. He has seen some pics, but not many and they are basically shoulders upwards. I did throw in a text, saying 'Im no skinny minnie mind', and he didnt reply to that.
I wish I could just think. Right, if he isnt interested, so be it! Im not sure I can take any more knocks. I question if Im ready to date but its been 6 years. So, will I ever be ready!

[Whisky2014]

You should go! Have fun. Experience things. You will regret it if you don't x

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Who caused your lack of body confidence?. Was it an ex, your parents; these types of issues are often deeply ingrained and probably with you started some ways back. Its something that you could talk about with a counsellor or therapist; doing that could help you no end.

Go on the date and if this man subsequently cannot see past your size then it says far more about him than it ever would about you.

[loveyoutothemoon]

Just go. If he's not interested, he's not for you. Have some confidence in yourself, what are your qualities?

[GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt]

Just go! Two weeks is plenty of time to build up all kinds of anxieties over it, but you will regret it if you don't go.

I hope you have a fab time

[user1496589862]

Thankyou everyone :)
Not 100% sure where they came from but I have a small idea that its to do with my teenage years. Mum leaving, not so nice step father and never really learning that I was valued buy my parents. I kinda bought myself up and was made to feel not good enough. Never really had a sense of who I was and that caused my marriage to break down. I have self taught myself so so much, really I have. I do value myself so much more. This is the icing on the cake really. I would love counselling but cant afford it.
I'm a nurse, so that's a pretty good quality, I think :)
Im trying to think of what I can wear. The silly thing is Im already thinking/feeling the anxiety of tomorrow evening after the date.

[PaddedSoca]

Definitely go.

However my advice would be if you can't be confident at your size you need to lose some weight so you can be truly happy with yourself and not just kidding yourself that you are. There's nothing wrong with a size 16 at all but you don't seem to be able to accept it. If this is the case losing weight, even a dress size, will give you more confidence.

[HCantThinkOfAUsername]

Go go go! And have fun. Anxiety is a bitch though. Good luck

[NurseButtercup]

Go and have some fun, the nice men don't care about a woman's dress size, they are usually grateful to be in the company of a beautiful, smart intelligent woman. If he doesn't like you, then it's his loss - NEXT!!

Until you lose the weight(if that's what you want to do), wear clothes/colours that fit properly and suit your body shape. As a fellow nurse I therefore prescribe you a few hours of retail therapy for a new outfit that is the extreme opposite of your uniform and a new lipstick (if you wear it). I personally grab every opportunity to get myself dressed up and out and not looking/feeling like a nurse, I currently have pink hair and I've just watched a YouTube tutorial for a purple/pink makeup look that I'll be wearing to the pub later (looks better than it sounds).

Be kind to yourself, go have fun and let us know how you get on ;-)

[user1496589862]

Thankyou everyone :) really appreciate your messages. I was feeling quite upset a few hours ago. Questioning why I keep doing this to myself. Its lovely to hear from you all!
I am trying to lose weight, yes. I have cut out alcohol during the week (wine lover) and drinking more water. Small changes for me as I have a crazy busy life. Exercise is something I can only think about right now but Im trying to walk a little more. For me, its about changing my lifestyle as well as losing weight. Its only been a week, but I have started. Next week I plan to make some more changes. This is why I posted today. I was wondering if I should not date until I feel better within myself or is dating part of the feeling better process.
NurseButtercup - you sound bright and beautiful. Its funny how your personality can shine in a message :) have fun tonight!

[user1496589862]

Ok, so something else that might be making me feel a bit weirded out....
Last night I got home from work and he sent a text as usual. Asked how my day had been bla bla bla. I said I was tired and going to shower and get to bed. He then said dont forget to send me some picture messages of you in the shower. Straight away I thought, oh god here we go. I have heard it all before.... I replied 'perv'! He said I do apologise but it would be nice, I have the image in my head. I ignored and he apologised this morning and said it was unwitty banter.
For one is this banter? Maybe it is but I am tired of hearing it!
And two, he has an 'image' in his head. Well how disappointing as I only imagine his image is far from the real thing.

[GrumpyInsomniac]

If it's any comfort, there are plenty of blokes who will see the person and not the dress size. I met my DH as a size 16 and he's never had an issue. I've been up to a 28 and then back to a 16, and now that I'm in a wheelchair and unable to get enough exercise a size 18-20. It's me he loves. This is just the body I come in.

I've had no shortage of self-doubt, but he finds me beautiful because he loves me, if that makes any sense. And he's proved he'll love me at any size.

The right bloke will see you as my DH sees me. Maybe see if you can find a friend who will take some photos of you that you like and that are full length shots. Be proud of who you are, as you have plenty going for you. How many potential dates will show up with a paunch, after all?

Yes, if you'll be happy for shifting some weight, go for it. But do it for you because you deserve to feel better and wear nicer clothes. And not just for some chancer begging for naked pics before you've even met.

[Hissy]

Well done you for ignoring.

I wouldn't like that at all! And not from someone I've never actually met before!

The apology was good... he's on an amber ATM.

Go on the date, keep up the good work of trying to get healthier and love yourself (one and the same thing :) - be happy with you as you are and someone amazing will fall in love with the you that loves and respects yourself.

[ImperialBlether]

I wouldn't bother meeting him after that text. It would okay if you were looking for a FB but a proper boyfriend? A decent guy you can settle down with? Nah, those men would never ever ask you for a naked photo before you'd even met them.

Think of someone - a man - that you really admire. Someone from work or someone famous or a friend's husband. Can you imagine him asking a potential date for a naked photo? He wouldn't, would he?

Tell this guy to go and wank over someone else.

[Hissy]

Actually I agree with Imperial. It would put me right off.

[JK1773]

Yes I agree with Imperial. That message would pull the shutters down for me. Totally disrespectful from someone you've never met.

[GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt]

Well, after that text, I think I would cancel. He lacks respect for women; no decent man would ask for naked pics from a woman he'd never even met. Sorry, OP, I hope you find someone more worthy of you soon.

[JetBoyJetGirl]

Yep, agree with Imperial and Hissy.

I read your op and was scrolling down with a view to giving you my experience on dating, men and not being a "skinny minnie".

I can still do that, but that photo in the shower text would have had me shutting down the date straight off.

It shows a total lack of respect for you. Plus, most people when doing online dating are talking to/meeting a few people. Which means he's asking all of them for shower photos. That's just grim.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

user

re your comment:-

"Mum leaving, not so nice step father and never really learning that I was valued buy my parents. I kinda bought myself up and was made to feel not good enough"

That would certainly all contribute into your own lack of body and self confidence now. They all made you feel you were not good enough to stay around.

Counselling is not mega expensive; BACP do not for instance charge the earth. See it too as an investment in you, it will pay you back in spades.

I would not meet this individual either now; he has an unhealthy view of women. No decent man would ever ask for such a photo prior to meeting. He can call it banter as much as he wants but it does not disguise the contempt. I call him a knob for asking you that in the first place.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

user

Love your own self for a change and get some counselling particularly before you embark on the dating minefield.

[user1490465531]

agree had comments like this online as well and just blocked them straight away not even worth a response.

[SleightOfHand]

No good OP, he's not a gentleman, onward and upward. Good luck, you deserve to be happy, you sound like a lovely person.

[user1496589862]

Thankyou everyone :)
Up until last night his texts were lovely. Not too many, not too little. Interesting and interested. I was a bit shocked and posted here today as it is alot to do with my self confidence. So, JetBoyJetGirl I would love to hear about your experiences and any advice you have. I appreciate all the advice on here. I feel so bad cancelling the night before after texting for a while, every day. What do I say? Do I say about the message last night?
I think maybe dating is something I have to hold out on until I fell a little better about being me.
AttilTheMeerkat I shall look at some prices, thankyou. I think its what I need.