I just had sex with DP for the first time in months.
After he went to sleep. I thought of Offred and I cried and cried.
He's a good man, he's pretty fucking amazing as a friend. He's kind, funny and interesting.
But we have no emotional connection. He keeps the vulnerable emotional part of himself hidden away, He's terrified of it I think. He doesn't share himself with me. Consequently our sex is just fucking. It's heart breaking.
He used to ask me what I wanted in bed, when we first got together. If I had a kink He'd be happy to oblige. But I don't have a special kink, I want to feel emotionally connected but you can't ask for that can you?
I want him to open up to me, to be my friend. But I have started to recognise that's never going to happen.
I don't feel strong enough to split my family up.
If I asked to do counselling I know he'd try. But we have no money and no time and no one to look after the kids so I don't know how to make it happen.
What do I do? It's such a mess.
I had relationships with awful men before now It's such a cruel irony, DP is lovely, but emotionally unavailable to me.
My mum is on the spectrum and also emotionally unavailable to me. I love her dearly and I know she can't help it but it really fucked me up. I can't believe my bad luck or stupidity I've ended up with the same kind of rejection in my home right now.
I want this to work but I'm starting to accept that is a fantasy.
DP is depressed and unhappy, but I don't think he'd leave unless I ask him, he's very committed to us as a family.
I don't want to split up, I want it to work. But this is really unhealthy I'm starting to accept maybe it'll never work? Identifying witb Offred after sex is not good is it.
I feel so alone.
What can I do?
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Please help me mumsnet
oldtrees · 29/07/2017 09:03
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