I finally told H I want to start divorce proceedings. There's a very long (and tedious) backstory, but in a nutshell, we haven't had anything even approaching a functioning relationship for many years, and have only been together due to circumstances (children - all 3 have ASD; financial - house renovations dragging on; he's only here because it suits him - he doesn't want another divorce; etc). Enough is enough, its having an impact on the children, and I finally told him we need to start the inevitable.
He is professing shock and dismay (despite a very clear conversation between us last year, where we agreed we needed to divorce, but also needed to wait until our then un-sellable house was in a state fit to be sold), and apparently doesn't agree we should divorce. After a few days of acting hurt, he has now accepted it, but still doesn't agree it is necessary.
He now doesn't want to tell the children, for an unspecified time. Initially, we couldn't, as it was 2 days before our youngest' birthday. It's now 2 weeks until our eldest's birthday... and he hasn't come up with a time frame for telling them. The youngest, I agreed - he is just 5, and it would have overshadowed his birthday. Now, I'm all for telling them. He doesn't want to - would make it too real, I guess - but if we keep dragging it out, eyes never going to be a right time.
I won't get him to agree to telling them, because he doesn't really want this to happen anyway. But I don't want to forge ahead and tell them on my own.
God, I hate this. He is a total emotional manipulator at the best of times, and will make this as difficult as possible. I want to lessen the impact on the children as much as possible.
Is there a middle ground at all?
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Relationships
It's over. Telling the children
OnwardsNewLifeAhead · 25/07/2017 20:53
I relate a LOT to your last post - my ex is very like this.
I had to push and push to get him to buckle down to telling the kids with me - he'd have happily simply done nothing forever to avoid any effort or discomfort. It was hard avoiding birthdays and special events too.
I won't lie, it was upsetting and they cried. But they did recover and as a PP said, being able to tell them a clear plan helped a lot. Your DC may have friends who have been though it and assume it will be the same experience - it's good to be able to spell out the practicalities.
It sounds very much as if you are doing the right thing for yourself and your DC - hold onto that because of course at times they will find the upheaval very difficult, but as the adult you can think longer-term.
I know how hard it is to push to this point. 
for you.
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