Morning Everyone.
I'm 53 my partner 58.
I was married for 23 years separated 9 years ago when my daughter was 15, she is now 26 and happily settled in her own life.
My partner never married (his choice not hers) (doesn't want to marry me either) was in the relationship for 9 years this also ended 9 years ago when his son was 9, he is now 18.
We have been together 6 years. For the first 3 years I kept my own home then moved in with my partner, initially renting mine out for 2 years, then 12 months ago I sold it to my tenants.
Prior to the sale of my home we had, as all couples do,talked of combining our assets to buy together...a "cottage in the country" was the deal at some point as far as I was concerned.
My partner has always insisted that I wait until his son was 16 before we made decisions on a move. I agreed. His son is now 18.
We live in a cramped house with little room for personal space and his son who used to stay twice a week now stays whenever he wants....which is still a minimum of 2 nights.
My partner plays sports alot as does his son/ house is full of sports bags/clothes/ TV always on a sports channel/talks about it constantly.. .
Over the last 12 mths I have brought up the subject of the two of us finally moving on with our future.. .i.e. the move to our joint owned home.
He has now turned the tables saying he will only move to a house here in the same town....(staying near his friends/sports clubs) and maintaining his son still needs him and if we move his son won't visit.(his son is at college and drives his own car,now has a part time job,lots of mates both make and female)...We have had several issues with him i.e. drugs,then unprotected sex resulting in an STD, £3k of damage to his car through stupid driving on an industrial estate at night..I have stood and supported my partner through this and despite my partner knowing I'm getting unhappier because of all the afore mentioned he still refuses to move on with our lives as discussed.
I could go on and on but I won't,I'll bring it to an end.. .The money from my marital home is my only asset. My ex husband was an abusive man and when we separated he threatened me with so much that I dropped my solicitor and took nothing- None of his pensions- No massive payout- he kept the business we had just set up which is now huge and he also kept a holiday home we borrowed against our mortgage for.
The only thing I have is the equity and my own pension. I was more than happy to combine this with my partner but now it's on his terms.
I have seen a small property 10 mins away and want to buy it. It's only a little apt but I fell in love with it. It will give me back both financal security and space away from this mans world my partner is so intent on keeping to.
My question is...Do you think this is a fair solution. If I don't buy it I will resent him...Am I dreaming if I think we can maintain a relationship this way?
I can't bear to hurt him by doing this as he wants me there 24/7, but I'm hurting so much myself. I feel lost in it all...
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can buying my own space work for now
Lesley65 · 22/07/2017 11:53
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