Ending an internet date thing without ghosting

[isntitapip]

I've been dating a decent man recently. About 5-6 dates in a few months (1 every couple of weeks approximately). We message every few days. We've dtd twice (it was pretty bad both times which doesn't help). I've decided he's not for me. He's lovely, good looking, great dad to his 4 kids, nothing wrong with him at all (dtd was so bad I started going off him after that though I thought I'd give it a chance to get better).
We're meant to go out tonight. I don't want to. He's just not for me. How do I tell him? I'm so bad at this, I've actually lost sleep last night thinking about it. Is a text ok? How do I word it?
Previous to meeting me he'd not had sex for 2 years, I don't want to damage is confidence. Please help!

[user1488575338]

Maybe I'm just a bit old fashioned but if you've swapped bodily fluids with him then an actual conversation is called for. I think I would be pretty upset with a text message. Usually I would say honesty is the best policy but on this occasion you are going to have to come up with something else!!! Maybe I'm just not feeling the spark? So tricky.

[KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth]

I'd just delete and block but I'm cold as fuck.

[Bubba1234]

Give him a ring & let him know

[mayhew]

The old shit sandwich, serves me well for all difficult convos. Can be email if you can't bear to speak in person.

"You are a lovely person......but this isn't working for me and I need to stop now, ....I'm sure the right person is out there for you, you have so much to offer." And then no follow-up, block if pestering/begging.

[AlternativeTentacle]

'Hi. About tonight. This isn't working for me so I won't be meeting you again. I wish you all the best but this is not for me.'

[SleepFreeZone]

Oh god I've no idea the best thing to say in this instance as every thing sounds so cliched.

[Jellybean85]

Yes call in good time and just say you'd rather be honest and up front than strong him along. You're not feeling it and he's lovely etc but the spark isn't there. No need to mention the sex!!

[Guccibelt]

Send a quick text now just like alternative has suggested.

[isntitapip]

User, that's sort of what I thought but was hoping in these modern days people would say I could text
We never speak on the phone (I hate phones). And yes, blocking would be my default after maybe 1 date, or if they weren't all that nice but this one is decent, I don't want to be a bitch. Or sound cliched, which it will be, because it is me, not him, he's one of the good ones, he just doesn't make my heart beat faster (and the sex was really really bad. I can't go there again and I have a high sex drive so it's a big deal to me)

[MyheartbelongstoG]

Yes op, don't be a bitch.

A phone call is what you have to do. Its the decent thing to do.

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

just do it! It won't be as bad as you think. Call, spill, block, done.

[chipscheeseandcurrysauce]

go to the date and end it face to face? Or at least give him a call.

Don't be the person who either blocks them with no explanation or ends it over text.

[PopcornNRedwine]

Please don't just text him.

At the very least call him. It's difficult but I agree with pp it's the right thing to do.

[Bant]

Yeah, a call is the fairest thing to do. Breaking things off by text is a bit cold. He may be smitten and falling for you, and to just block and vanish is remarkably bitchy (and while I don't believe in karma, I do think that if you treat people badly then you deserve for bad things to happen to you)

But if you've only been texting so far, then an honest text explaining why you don't think this is working for you, and being apologetic but firm, is probably the best.

Say something like

'I've been thinking a lot about where this is going, and while I've enjoyed spending time with you and have liked our time together, and you're a lovely guy, I don't think that what we have is really what I'm looking for long term. So I think we should call it a day before this goes any further.

Good luck finding the right person, you really are a great guy, just not the right one for me.'

[RaspberryBeret34]

I would (and have) text and said I was happy to speak on the phone if they would like to (they didn't). I'd just text sonething like mayhew's suggestion. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of momentum anyway with not many dates/contact.

[isntitapip]

Ok, thanks. I needed some psyching up to do it. I will call since that seems (unfortunately) to be the general consensus

[Guccibelt]

I texted one guy with a similar message and offered to call and he said, don't worry no need.

Try that?

[sonjadog]

I would text and say you can talk if he wants. Partly due to my own cowardice, partly so he can save face and digest the news in peace first.

[isntitapip]

No answer so I've gone with Bant's suggestion (coward!) and sent him something similar, saying I was happy to talk. I figured he could see I tried to call.
The lack of momentum is mainly due to him having his kids every weekend and me having mine all week and some weekends. Also probably my lack of enthusiasm hasn't helped. Maybe he's not that bothered either. Who knows

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

I'm going to go against the consensus and say don't call. I would far rather receive a text than an awkward phone call, where it's obvious the person is pitying me and dreading my reaction.

Just send a nice text, and offer to call him if he wants. He almost certainly won't.

[AlternativeTentacle]

I will call since that seems (unfortunately) to be the general consensus

Gosh no, nobody wants to be told that over the phone...just text.

[ImperialBlether]

I would rather someone texted than rang. I would rather have time to lick my wounds in private.

I'm interested in the bad sex, though. Was he happy with it?

[YorksMa]

Please don't mention the sex stuff. My ex had been told he was no good in bed before we got together. It haunted him for years. Just say he's lovely but not for you. We've all heard it!

[myteadontlie]

Hey, I think it doesn't really matter if you call or text or do it in person, as long as you are HONEST with him. This is what we all always want here, right? For people doing the right and honest thing.
I liked what Bant wrote. A message of that sort would be good I guess, with mayne the offer to talk on the phone, so he knows you don't see him as meaningless bit of your life. I am on the receiving end of situation a bit like yours, and what hurts most is the fact that someone you shared bits of your private life and been intimate with can cut you out, just like that.
I appreciate he is not for you and great that you ending this fairly early, but please don't block the poor guy or start ignoring him all of a sudden. There is one thing we all OWE people we dated for a while - treating them in a human way.
Unless he harrasses you later, keeps calling or texting, I would never block someone.

[AdalindSchade]

Texting is fine really

But ghosting is fucking horrible. People who can't compose a 10 word text to tell you they no longer want to exchange intimate body fluids with you are total cunts