I’ve just had my first period since ds was born a few months ago, and Ive been feeling a little off and low for the last week so my judgement may be off. Wanted to get some opinions.
I just kicked dh out. I was using his laptop (I do use it sometimes with his knowledge) and his email was open on the trash folder. I saw an email there from a woman asking about meeting up. Her tone was very familiar. I searched her name and found a few more emails, and then I did snoop on his work email and turned out she was an ex-colleague who wanted help with a job application, and they’d met a few times. I didn’t like their overly familiar tone (use of nicknames/pet names etc) but I couldn’t see anything else fishy about it.
The thing that upset me was that he had deleted the email about meeting up. We had a minor bust up about it but I said to him if you want to behave like that going forward thats fine but I would rather honesty and transparency about these things. I asked for an apology and he refused, saying the reason he deleted the email was because I was a suspicious person and would have taken it the wrong way. I lost my cool and asked him to leave, he said he would on the weekend but I hounded him and hounded him (over text) until he said he would come home and pack and leave.
He did this before 5 years ago with two other female colleagues and hid the emails (similar circumstances). I haven’t seen his email since so have no idea if this is an ongoing thing he does.
Not to dripfeed but we do have lots of other issues (and have done since we met 10 years ago!) and our marriage while not in the worst shape its ever been in, isn’t the healthiest. He is a great father and a good husband but there are a lot of underlying issues and an undercurrent of resentment in everything. We don’t ever communicate face to face about issues as it just turns into a verbally aggressive slanging match, he in particular is always on the defensive and refuses to admit he has ever done anything wrong.
If you got to the end of all of that - have I done the right thing? Have I made an almost distant marriage even worse by doing this. Was I right to try and get an admission of fault or even just an apology for trying to hide coffee dates with other women? Should I ask him to come back?
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Was I right to tell him to leave?
namechangeregposter · 20/07/2017 21:52
Sorry OP, you sound well rid. Those other issues are big ones and he doesn't sound grown up enough to deal with them. I'm in a similar position and I know it's a really hard decision to make but probably the right one 
Thank you - I have told him it's not just the fact that he deceived me in the same way again, it's his aggressive attitude towards me
I've told him to find more permanent accommodation and to make plans for when he will see the kids. I veer between telling him to come back and forget it all and wanting to make this split permanent. I must have lost my self respect to want to go to him and apologise for this situation 
whyis I hope unlike mine, your partner is willing to resolve the situation with you
Sadly not OP, and I think I'm better off alone than with a useless manchild who never took responsibility for anything in our relationship. And tried really hard to lay blame at my door.
I stuck with it for 15 years and it nearly finished me off in terms of mental health and has had huge impact on our dc, which of course he denies. We talk through solicitors for time being. It's awful but I still think it's better than staying with a manipulative, emotionally stunted toddler. I hope you find peace with your decision
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