Single dad looking for...i dont know really, just someone to tell me im doing ok.

[Dinggus]

Erm hello. First time on here properly, ive come on before just to read and look for advice but never postes.
To cut to the chase. Im 23, a single dad and work full time as a support worker (my mum helps far more than she should) my wife left me just over a year ago, roughly 2 months after being married as she was seeing some body else. She left both me and our daughter to move with the new man. She now sees her once a week but for 4 months she didnt see her at all, by her choice not mine, i hate the thought of her not spending time with her mum. Recently she has been speaking alot about wanting my daughter to move in with her and her new boyfriend. Im honestly terrified that i would lose her if this talk followed through to actions. I dont know if i should see a solicitor or....to be blunt i just have no clue at all.
Im so sorry for this huge chunk of text thats poorly written that maybe know one will see anyway.
Again im not sure what im doing here (with not being a mum on "mums"net)
Erm. Thankyou?

[PastysPrincess]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Get yourself to a solicitor pronto is the best advice I can give.

[Dinggus]

Ive had alot of people tell me that the court often goes in a womans favour....i hope that didnt sound sexist its just what ive been told.
I have no clue how true or false that is

[Trickycat]

You should definitely see a solicitor. You have been the primary care giver for a year.

You've had a lot to deal with and sounds like you are managing well. Can't have been easy.

[Hissy]

Definitely see a solicitor! the main thing to protect is your child's stability and home. If you are managing to care for your child, have back up and support then there is absolutely no reason why that should change. You should be able to agree on a contact schedule - every other weekend and one other day in the week perhaps if that works, depending on the child's age.

In short, YOU are the primary caregiver and have been for a good chunk of time. courts would not want to change that just because someone has suddenly remembered they have a child.

[WingsofNylon]

She left you. You have been the primary carer for a while now so while courts often favour the mother a solicitor should be able to make a good case for you.

As for it you are doing okay, it sounds like you have your daughter's best interests in mind so I'm sure you are doing fine.

[Ratbagcatbag]

I'm assuming you claim the child benefit, which helps determine who the primary carer is.
I'd get a solicitor and I'd also establish a written down contact schedule for your ex regarding your daughter. Good luck.

[Ratbagcatbag]

Does she pay maintenance was my other question?
(Really need an edit function).

[Hissy]

The other thing I wanted to say..

Don't Panic! Don't DO anything other than inform yourself at this stage. Don't offer a contact agreement , don't make any move towards your ex getting anything.

Get advice and make sure you know the pros and cons of your situation and I'd suggest that you LET her follow through and take you to court - there is a good chance she won't bother.

She wants you to make it easy for her. I'd suggest that it is very definitely NOT in your child's best interests for you to roll over and allow that to happen.

[thethoughtfox]

Dingus, this is because it is more common for the woman to be the primary care giver. You are the child's primary care giver. Get advice and legal representation in RL and keep asking for advice here. There are lots of people who either work in the field you need advice in or are going through the same experience. You sound like a great, loving dad.

[thethoughtfox]

I think resident parent is the legal term for what you are.

[Dinggus]

Thats very good to hear then. In my opinion im in a better position to provide care. I dont want my daughter spending time with this man. Which i do have reasons for other than resentment. There is alot of drug use in his house, she told me herself

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You're doing great. It must have been very hard and of course you're scared if your ex wants to change things.

Are you still married or have you divorced? How old is your daughter? How serious did your ex sound about wanting your daughter back or is it possible she said it would be nice but hasn't thought it through?

As everyone's said, please see a solicitor.

And if she's not paying maintenance she should be. So get that sorted.

[AdalindSchade]

Make an application for a child arrangement order asap and get the living arrangements and contact formalised.

[Dinggus]

I dont understand how to properly reply or how to even use this but she has started giving me £30 a month and i also get child benefits for her yes.
Thank you all for the nice comments aswell its extremely nice and unexpected

[Desmondo2016]

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Please please take the excellent advice already on this thread and I'm certain you will be able to carry on being a great daddy to your little girl. Oh and stick around... there's plenty of men on here!

[Desmondo2016]

Oh and do a cms calculation online... You may be surprised what she could be having to give you

[Dinggus]

Thankyou ill look into that calculator
I never knew men were on here! I guess its pretty stupid to believe that now i really think about it

[Dinggus]

Alright, alright. I have no clue why i thought it would be only women.... there must be loads in the same sittuation as me, everybody i talk to just seems to think its strange. I even got grief off my doctors about it when i tried to register her!

[jeaux90]

Hey Dinguss. There is the lone parents part of the forum too. You sound like you are doing a great job. Take control, get legal advice and don't try to be the nice guy, do what's right for your dd and you x

[BIWI]

It may be called Mumsnet, but its proposition is 'by parents, for parents', so you've come to the right place

[Dinggus]

Thanks jeaux90 ill look into that

Im starting to wish i never brought up the "mums"net thing

[ItWentInMyEye]

You sound like a great parent and are definitely classed as the primary care giver. Get some proper advice and go from there, she can't just decide she wants your DD and that's it.