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Why does he talk to me like that

(17 Posts)
user1499288566 Mon 10-Jul-17 06:54:54

Recently gave my bf another chance, we share a child together and when we good we are good , one of the reasons I called it last time was his behaviour, he like a drink which gets me down, and his attitude, and here I am again last few weekends he has been here, as he away all week for work, he has been vile again, snide digs , snappy moody , having ago over everything, No interest in doing anything nice with our child, when I pull him up on it it's always me, I think to much I always have a problem he int done anything wrong, I'm being hard work, don't no how much more of this mental crap I can take, Iv done nothing wrong I try keep everyone happy, sick of being told I have the problem when I just want to scream I'm fucking fine !! It's your attitude what's with men today , they got no get up and go they make kids easy enough but then it's down to the women to deal , we turn into bloody slaves keep your mouth shut do house work keep smile on your face , be all over them when they want it sex when they want it , oh but don't expect a conversation or expect them to listen or care or help oh no your on your own , sorry for rant

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 10-Jul-17 08:15:43

What do you get out of this relationship, why are you flogging the dead horse here. I have to look at you as well in all this too.

Why did you give him another chance at all given his behaviours?. If you did that for the child's sake then you really did that young person a huge disservice.

Not all men are like the one you describe; what did you learn about relationships when growing up and what role models did you see?. There could be some stuff here from your past that needs to be unlearnt.

Shoxfordian Mon 10-Jul-17 08:17:51

He doesn't sound like a good partner for you

It's not all men either so don't think this is just what men are like

ShatnersWig Mon 10-Jul-17 08:26:16

It's not all men, far from it.

My rule is always "never go back". There was always a good reason for breaking up and it very rarely works another time. Move on, have no contact other than shared parenting.

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 10-Jul-17 08:28:41

Its not all men hmm you've picked a bad one, throw him out and then work on yourself to figure out why you let yourself be treated like shit.

user1499288566 Mon 10-Jul-17 08:43:19

I no your all right, iv had good role models in my life which is why in turn I wanted my child to have the same , her mom n dad together happy running family home etc , I no this don't always work , but that don't make it easy losing the dream of it , I do love this person, but I do feel he has stripped me as a person, I'm on anti depressants, I have mega lows , I'm better now then iv ever been after finding some deep inner strength , I gave him this final chance as a make or break, been back on for about 4 weeks and yet again it's going down hill fast , he int changed he has taken nothing on from past , it just kills me inside how a person can be so vile , I look at my child and want to give her the world why don't he ? He scares me the thought of him with someone else , stupid I no but it does I worry that the next person will probably get the guy I was waiting for and would be just sods law kind of thing, I dunno , i no I deserve n want more, I'm a good decent person I really am I'd do anything for anyone I love hard, and iv always found it hard to cut someone out after loving them so much

ConstanceCraving Mon 10-Jul-17 08:47:12

Get rid. This will only get worse.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 10-Jul-17 09:17:31

You developed an unhealthy codependency to this individual and he in all likelihood targeted you as well. He has and continues to use your own niceness against you and in time he will destroy you as well as your child if you do not leave.

Read up too on the sunken costs fallacy as that could also be causing you to make poor relationship decisions.

isitjustme2017 Mon 10-Jul-17 13:47:33

He will NEVER change. My ex was the same, I'd split with him and he would beg me for another chance then a few weeks later, back to his old behaviour. It took 16 years to finally get shot of him and I wish I'd done it sooner.
Dump him for good, he is a waste of space.

Adora10 Mon 10-Jul-17 17:22:11

All men, nope, just the absolute arseholes like your one.

OP, from what you write, you are bending over backwards to please this unpleasant horrible git and getting grief in return as well as verbal drunken abuse.

About time you took control no and got rid of this waste of space.

There are decent men out there, if you allow a man to treat you like shit then he will if he's that way inclined, which yours clearly is.

This is not healthy, has affected your mental health and is showing your child a really poor and awful role model. Split, share the parenting and show yourself that you are a woman with standards.

user1499288566 Mon 10-Jul-17 18:43:40

A big problem I have is one I don't trust him alone with our child, two he has never been alone with her in all her 4 yrs , iv always been the main person in her life giving her stability , she was diagnosed with Cerebal palsy at 1, he has never partaken in any app or meetings ect it's always been me, she don't have it major but it needs you to be obsevent as it effects her left arm, bad tumbles could end Badly as she don't save herself with both hands, I don't trust him in the fact of would he drink on an eve while looking after her, he swears I don't like the things he comes out with round her, so in a nut shell I don't know how I would co parent with him and terrified some idiot judge would grant him over nights or something it scares me so bad

isitjustme2017 Mon 10-Jul-17 18:54:30

Do you think he would really be bothered having her much if you separated anyway? Sounds like he has zero interest so this may not be a problem.
This is often a worry when you separate from someone you think could be unfit to look after a child on their own.
I would imagine that, as your child has specific needs, he would have to prove to a judge that he can meet those needs. Can you gather/provide evidence of his drinking?

SandyY2K Mon 10-Jul-17 18:57:41

He speaks that way because it's not a deal breaker to you. Simple!

Tofutti Mon 10-Jul-17 19:02:03

Do you think he would really be bothered having her much if you separated anyway? Sounds like he has zero interest so this may not be a problem.

I agree with this.

isitjustme2017 Mon 10-Jul-17 19:33:21

Mind you, if he's anything like my ex, he will push for access just to annoy you and not cos he wants to spend quality time with her!

user1499288566 Mon 10-Jul-17 20:07:58

I think he would use her to be in my life and hurt me

isitjustme2017 Mon 10-Jul-17 20:48:40

Well you need to gather evidence to use against him. I would guess if he is deemed unfit to look after her alone, the best he would expect is supervised visits. I'm no expert.
You could consult with a solicitor to get their advice. Some do free consultations. I paid £100 for an hour and got everything in writing.

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