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thinking about leaving, very worried

(56 Posts)
starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 21:51:44

Can anybody help?

The main reason I am considering leaving my husband is that he will not take no for an answer and he forces me to have sex against my will. Obviously this is frightening and upsetting. He is also abusive to the children, he shouts, pushes and pulls them, calls me names in front of them.

I am worried he may get custody of them, even part time, and I can't leave them with him, I really can't.

I also feel I am being dramatic amd should try to sort it. what does everybody think?

Blondie1984 Sun 09-Jul-17 21:59:06

From what you've just described, you are essentially saying that your husband rapes you and is hurting your children .....I don't think any court would give him any form of custody at all - please get yourself -- and them - out of there!!

SparkleMotions Sun 09-Jul-17 22:00:55

You need to leave ASAP, this guy is abusive to you and your kids, you can't stay in that environment OP flowers

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:02:11

blondie some stuff I've read indicates they would. If I knew for sure they would not give him custody I would leave. but I can't be sure.

TwoBusyCnuts Sun 09-Jul-17 22:03:10

everyone is going to say the same thing.
he is a rapist.

call the police.

SparkleMotions Sun 09-Jul-17 22:03:55

You are not being dramatic and I really don't think you should stay and try and 'sort this', you need the get yourself and your DC away from him, or he will just carry on!

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:04:24

I can't call the police, I can't do that to him

Bumshkawahwah Sun 09-Jul-17 22:04:37

That is absolutely horrendous. I don't have any great advice, but I think you should give Women's Aid a call.

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:06:16

Thanks I already have

Quartz2208 Sun 09-Jul-17 22:06:25

You have to call the police they will get you and your children safe. You are not doing it to him he did it to himself when he abused you and your children. You have to choose between your children and him

SparkleMotions Sun 09-Jul-17 22:07:08

You need to report to Police OP! I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, but please phone them, this isn't about him, he's the one who chooses to be abusive towards you and DC, you need to think about you and your kids health and wellbeing

MadameJosephine Sun 09-Jul-17 22:08:46

If you report him for raping you and abusing your children you are not going anything 'to him', he is a criminal and has brought it on himself. The police will contact children's services who will help you put s plan in place to protect yourself and your children. A sex offender and child abuser is surely unlikely to be granted custody of his children

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:10:25

Im not involving the police or ss

mellongoose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:14:14

But if you get a crime reference number it will help your case. It will be on record.

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:18:10

I understand that but I still can't bring myself to. In any event I can't he's always around.

Naicehamshop Sun 09-Jul-17 22:18:29

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your poor children.

isitjustme2017 Sun 09-Jul-17 22:19:29

You have asked us what we think OP and we're telling you. This man is dangerous. I have no idea what incorrect information you have read that would state a rapist and abuser would get custody of kids.
If you want to put your children's safety first then you HAVE to inform the police. At the very least, go and see a Solicitor and ask their advice about custody as they are the experts.

Naicehamshop Sun 09-Jul-17 22:19:37

You can't do that to him, and so you would prefer to see your children abused?

SparkleMotions Sun 09-Jul-17 22:20:22

Does he not work, can you not get somewhere safe like a ; friends, relatives and then phone police when he's out of the way, I agree with PP you need to do this for your kids sake if not your own!

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:21:19

thats not what \i said naice

I am trying to do the right thing, there are various things online and even on here saying just because he abuses the mum doesn't mean he won't get custody of the kids

starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:21:47

Im not involving the police or ss.

isitjustme2017 Sun 09-Jul-17 22:23:10

He is also abusive to the children, he shouts, pushes and pulls them

You have said yourself he abuses the kids!

pringlehand Sun 09-Jul-17 22:25:11


starflowerrose Sun 09-Jul-17 22:26:10

yes but i don't think a judge will see that as so abusive he should be denied any contact at all.

isitjustme2017 Sun 09-Jul-17 22:27:47

Its likely that he would be given supervised access to the children which means someone has to be there.
Please see a Solicitor and get the facts instead of making assumptions and reading stuff online.

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