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Pub every day??

(18 Posts)
tinylady19 Sat 08-Jul-17 16:38:42

So my OH goes to the pub every night after work for a couple of pints and spends a few hours in the pub every Saturday and Sunday afternoon. We have a 9 month old and hardly ever spend a full day together as a family. This seems to be the norm with all of his friends even though they all have families themselves. I have mentioned it before and he has said it's his way of chilling out after working. AIBU to be fed up with this?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 08-Jul-17 16:40:18

This is ridiculous and your husband is very selfish.

halcyondays Sat 08-Jul-17 16:41:48

of course yanbu. It's definitely not the norm for most dads.

miwelaisjacydo Sat 08-Jul-17 16:44:35

DH dad was like this. He has no memory of him spending time with him until he was about ten. YANBU at all.

tinylady19 Sat 08-Jul-17 16:48:23

I'm not sure what to do. Last time I mentioned it he said that he would go less as he didn't want to miss out on DD growing up and admitted that he was being selfish. But absolutely nothing has changed.

Pollydonia Sat 08-Jul-17 16:53:39

I'd tell him to fuck off - but that's just me.

anchor9 Sat 08-Jul-17 17:08:29

i'd probably change the locks. he need to grow up. were you expecting the baby to change him?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 08-Jul-17 17:15:59

This is who he is; a person who is prioritising the pub over you and your DD. Do not let her grow up thinking all this is normal either. Such men as well do not change; you both are not his main priority here.

Do you think he has an alcohol dependency problem?.

HarmlessChap Sat 08-Jul-17 17:20:54

All you can do is point out it's not fair, not healthy and very expensive. At the levels you state he's almost certainly spending over £200 a month on booze.

ElspethFlashman Sat 08-Jul-17 17:25:10

365 days a year? He's spending thousands a year. Literally pissing it away. Do you believe that's family money? Or his private money to do with as he wishes?

Are you both loaded or something?

ponyprincess Sat 08-Jul-17 17:27:49

Not ok!! What pollydonia said!!!!

ChilliMary Sat 08-Jul-17 17:33:19

This behaviour was acceptable even a generation ago, but absolutely shouldn't be now. He needs to be helping you with the baby. I would kick up quite a big fuss over this. So he works in the day, but then needs to unwind in the pub, but at your expense, because with a baby your job is essentially 24/7, when do you get to unwind? It's so imbalanced.

BitchQueen90 Sat 08-Jul-17 18:28:06

My ExH did EXACTLY this. And then he got home and spent the evening on his Xbox. You're not sure what to do? Well, I left him when DS was 10 months old. He spends more time now with DS than he did when we were together because he has him on overnights and I'm not there to do everything.

isitjustme2017 Sat 08-Jul-17 19:10:06

This is not acceptable. Does he think cos his mates do it, its the norm? Surely he's not that stupid. You need to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum. Less time at the pub, more time at home or he'll be spending a lot more time away from the family.

tinylady19 Sat 08-Jul-17 19:28:22

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have tried to explain to him how little respite I seem to get when he's out of the house for so long all day, often I can be at home on my own with DD for 12 hours straight when he's working and then at the pub, and I sometimes find this quite isolating. I've tried to explain that I look forward to him coming home for some adult company, so it would be nice for him to come straight home from work a few days a week. Also many of the families in the area we live in seem to just take their children into the pub with them when they want to go drinking, which is most evenings and the majority of the weekend. I don't want DD growing up thinking that drinking to such excess is normal, or for her memories of our weekends together to just involve playing in the pub. Just seems to be the norm round here but it's not what I want for my family.

AudTheDeepMinded Sat 08-Jul-17 20:30:54

Raise your standards op, you and your daughter deserve better. You can repeat a childhood, you have to get it right the first time.

AudTheDeepMinded Sat 08-Jul-17 20:31:26


Ugene Sat 08-Jul-17 20:36:29

I would be scared that he will end up with an alcohol problem. Drinking 7 out of 7 days a couple of pints sounds alarming to me.

I hope he will change his behaviour and spend more time with his family

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