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Don't know where my heads at

(3 Posts)
leni2k11 Sat 08-Jul-17 12:07:53

Could do with some advice from an outside perspective...

Been feeling like this on and off for a while now, somehow feeling like the grass might be greener elsewhere...about my relationship.

Been with oh about 3 yrs now and we live together but sometimes feel that i don't want to be in this relationship. Feel like my feelings are changing, i still love who he is and I'm not unhappy as such but don't feel like I'm content either, things are just comfortable. We don't argue, we get on, but the spark has gone, it's me that instigates affection and it feels like we have sex when it gets to the point when we realise we haven't done it in a while. I have spoken to him about this side of things before and it improved for a while but then goes back to the same thing. In fairness, he has a physical job working long hours so i understand that plays a big part and i don't want to feel like I'm nagging him, then it starts to feel like things aren't happening naturally and that he's doing it to please me rather than wanting to iyswim. So unsure whether to bring this topic up again.

Its also on my mind that i want a family and that he is on the fence. He says he would have one for me but i know if i didn't want kids he would be quite happy not to have any, so in that respect feel like i would be changing his life when he's perfectly content in the one he has and then the stress that comes with kids would be all my doing. I don't think he would hold this against me but i worry i would feel like this when things got tough. Should i be having kids with someone i have doubts about anyway?

I must add that these feelings are not always there, they just creep up on me every now and then...i don't have an idea if this is normal or not as he is my first long term relationship.
So any experience from people in similar situations would be helpful. I am fully aware that to expect relationships to be like how they are in the early days all the time is not realistic, but just don't want to fall into the brother/sister trap or worse, hate each other.

He is a lovely man and treats me well, reading some of the threads on here i think how lucky i am, so why are the doubts still there?

loveyoutothemoon Sat 08-Jul-17 12:21:31

If the spark has gone already, I wouldn't have kids with him. Especially as he's not keen.

littlenips Sat 08-Jul-17 12:33:46

I've just left a relationship for this exact reason. Really difficult decision but imagine how it'll be in 10 years time .....

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