AIBU: How much time does your husband/Other Half spend at home?

[user1499359004]

My husband has recently moved jobs.
He leaves at 7.30am and is hardly ever home before 8.30pm
We have two young kids 4 & 3
Now, his job is providing us with a good standard of living I do appreciate that BUT equally I feel resentful because he is hardly here. At the weekends he does spend all his time unless he has something planned with his many hobbies.

Am I just ungrateful?
His answers is it wont be forever but by the time he has more time at home, our kids will be big and I wont need him half as much...

Kind of just wondering is this the norm in most household

[7to25]

Norm here. Plus one weekend day working at home.

[TheNaze73]

I'd say that's the norm

[Kursk]

DH leaves the house at 7:20, home by 5:30 he earns good money, his hobbies are all home based (garden etc) so he is always around evenings and weekends.

[offside]

Sounds like the norm to me, although my situation goes against the grain (DP is at home more than I am die to being field based but when he isn't at home he can be away for a week at a time) I know if my DP was office based he would be out of the house similar hours to your DH.

[offside]

Due, not die

[Barbaro]

You can't really have it both ways. Keep the nice lifestyle with more money or he gets a job that pays less and sees you more. Pick one. The good paying jobs generally keep you away from home more than the lower paid ones.

[whifflesqueak]

Mine is a farm worker, so there's a seasonal aspect to it.

In the winter, he leaves the house at 6:30am and comes home around 7pm.

But it is harvest now. He left at 5:30am and I won't see him until about 10pm. This is seven days a week until October. We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and it is a bit shit.

[GeekyWombat]

Leaves home at 6.45am, home by 7.30pm trains allowing (kids in bed asleep but he sees them in the mornings).

He's properly present and hands on at the weekend though.

[whifflesqueak]

Oh and the money is crap

[Stopnamechanging]

In the early days of his career, he left at 5:30, back at about 9pm. He did negotiate working fridays from home.

That was for about eight years, we couldn't continue like that long term.

I had three under five, it was very hard.

[Fairylea]

Mine walks to work. He leaves at 8.45 and is home by 5.15. He never goes out to be honest, neither of us do! Very rarely anyway. We just like to be at home with the dc and each other. We are a low income family though - dh could probably earn more if he commuted further - but it suits us. (I don't work, ds is disabled and I have chronic health conditions).

[ShotsFired]

5 day working week for both of us.

Him: Out by 5.30am, home around 6.30pm-7pm - every day.
Me: Out by 6-6.30am, home around 4.30pm - 2-3 days a week. WFH the rest.

No kids here but it does leave us very unevenly balanced in terms of domestic arrangements. I don't have an answer that works out well for both of us.

[Vanillaisboring666]

As a farmer he works 7 days a week everyday of the year. We don't live on main Farm so he leaves our home at 7am and at omen is getting home about 10pm (later when weather is fine) and that's 7 days a week. We have 4 dcs and I'm in hospital with one seriously ill dd at moment so it's pretty darn stressful trying to juggle kids and farm etc etc

[Callamia]

He works a 9-5 day, and commutes about an hour to get there and back. We both work full-time, so we share the parenting at home. I'm v glad that he's home in time to be involved with dinner/bath/bed.

[Vanillaisboring666]

Fairyland I wished my hunni did those sort of hours . Wud be amazing. Saying that he wud probably get on my nerves being at home that much haha

[Vanillaisboring666]

Hubby not hunni

[whifflesqueak]

vanilla our lives sound so similar. I was in hospital with our dd for the last three days too hope all is well

[Forkrightorf]

Sounds pretty normal I'm afraid! I'm a SAHM, DH leaves at 7.30am, usually home by 9pm although it's often not until gone midnight! He is able to be flexible with his hours so he can come to nativities, sports Day etc unless he's close to a deadline. It pays well, not astronomically, but well enough for me to be at home and the mortgage and bills paid.
He sees 3 DC in the morning, facetimes them at bedtime and is conscious of getting quality time with each of them at the weekend.

[user1499359004]

Vanillaisboring666 sorry to hear that hope things improve x

[JumpingJellybeanz]

Mine leaves at 5.45 am and get back at either 7.30 pm or 9.30 pm depending on if he makes the train connection. He's home all weekend. He used to go off for radio club but stopped that once DS was born.

[OhTheRoses]

Leaves at about 6.25am, home about 9.30pm. DC now 19 and 22. He loves work always has always will. Once a month he is away at weekend to visit his elderly widowed mother - since 2017.

He has a different job from the autumn and should wind down a bit and work more normal hours. Bet he doesn't though.

[Silvertap]

Another farmer here - mine works 7am - 6pm winter and 7am till he can't do much longer in summer.

He does loiter around the kitchen more than I'd like though and I do see him as we're on the farm but he's always in "work mode".

We try to keep Sundays work free even at harvest

[Bluntness100]

What would you like him to do op, take a lower paid job that allows him to be home more often?

Do you financially contribute to the household by being in paid employment? Is that your issue, you contribute and still manage to be home?

Why don't you both find jobs that allow you to split the home care? This way you don't need to feel resentful.

[QuiteLikely5]

Sorry but I do not think that these times are normal at all!!

Yes for the minority but the majority of jobs are easily commutable and only require you to work a standard 8 hours

[Florin]

Husband leaves at 5:45 and gets home the earliest of 7:30 and one night a week he will be away either due to a corporate entertainment event or having to work away. He will probably be late a couple of nights too. He is constantly working on his phone, during evenings, weekends and holidays. I am 24/7 childcare but when he is free he does his best to spend time with our dc and help out. Work does really take over though we can often be in he middle of a day out and he will have to deal with something and I have to do the day trip on my own which I hate.