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AIBU: How much time does your husband/Other Half spend at home?

(87 Posts)
user1499359004 Thu 06-Jul-17 17:59:29

My husband has recently moved jobs.
He leaves at 7.30am and is hardly ever home before 8.30pm
We have two young kids 4 & 3
Now, his job is providing us with a good standard of living I do appreciate that BUT equally I feel resentful because he is hardly here. At the weekends he does spend all his time unless he has something planned with his many hobbies.

Am I just ungrateful?
His answers is it wont be forever but by the time he has more time at home, our kids will be big and I wont need him half as much...

Kind of just wondering is this the norm in most household

7to25 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:02:10

Norm here. Plus one weekend day working at home.

TheNaze73 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:04:21

I'd say that's the norm

Kursk Thu 06-Jul-17 18:06:26

DH leaves the house at 7:20, home by 5:30 he earns good money, his hobbies are all home based (garden etc) so he is always around evenings and weekends.

offside Thu 06-Jul-17 18:07:55

Sounds like the norm to me, although my situation goes against the grain (DP is at home more than I am die to being field based but when he isn't at home he can be away for a week at a time) I know if my DP was office based he would be out of the house similar hours to your DH.

offside Thu 06-Jul-17 18:08:16

Due, not die shock

Barbaro Thu 06-Jul-17 18:08:34

You can't really have it both ways. Keep the nice lifestyle with more money or he gets a job that pays less and sees you more. Pick one. The good paying jobs generally keep you away from home more than the lower paid ones.

whifflesqueak Thu 06-Jul-17 18:10:03

Mine is a farm worker, so there's a seasonal aspect to it.

In the winter, he leaves the house at 6:30am and comes home around 7pm.

But it is harvest now. He left at 5:30am and I won't see him until about 10pm. This is seven days a week until October. We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and it is a bit shit.

GeekyWombat Thu 06-Jul-17 18:10:12

Leaves home at 6.45am, home by 7.30pm trains allowing (kids in bed asleep but he sees them in the mornings).

He's properly present and hands on at the weekend though.

whifflesqueak Thu 06-Jul-17 18:11:10

Oh and the money is crap grin

Stopnamechanging Thu 06-Jul-17 18:12:17

In the early days of his career, he left at 5:30, back at about 9pm. He did negotiate working fridays from home.

That was for about eight years, we couldn't continue like that long term.

I had three under five, it was very hard.

Fairylea Thu 06-Jul-17 18:14:25

Mine walks to work. He leaves at 8.45 and is home by 5.15. He never goes out to be honest, neither of us do! Very rarely anyway. We just like to be at home with the dc and each other. We are a low income family though - dh could probably earn more if he commuted further - but it suits us. (I don't work, ds is disabled and I have chronic health conditions).

ShotsFired Thu 06-Jul-17 18:15:30

5 day working week for both of us.

Him: Out by 5.30am, home around 6.30pm-7pm - every day.
Me: Out by 6-6.30am, home around 4.30pm - 2-3 days a week. WFH the rest.

No kids here but it does leave us very unevenly balanced in terms of domestic arrangements. I don't have an answer that works out well for both of us.

Vanillaisboring666 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:16:10

As a farmer he works 7 days a week everyday of the year. We don't live on main Farm so he leaves our home at 7am and at omen is getting home about 10pm (later when weather is fine) and that's 7 days a week. We have 4 dcs and I'm in hospital with one seriously ill dd at moment so it's pretty darn stressful trying to juggle kids and farm etc etc

Callamia Thu 06-Jul-17 18:16:32

He works a 9-5 day, and commutes about an hour to get there and back. We both work full-time, so we share the parenting at home. I'm v glad that he's home in time to be involved with dinner/bath/bed.

Vanillaisboring666 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:17:19

Fairyland I wished my hunni did those sort of hours . Wud be amazing. Saying that he wud probably get on my nerves being at home that much haha

Vanillaisboring666 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:17:39

Hubby not hunni

whifflesqueak Thu 06-Jul-17 18:20:43

vanilla our lives sound so similar. I was in hospital with our dd for the last three days too flowers hope all is well

Forkrightorf Thu 06-Jul-17 18:20:43

Sounds pretty normal I'm afraid! I'm a SAHM, DH leaves at 7.30am, usually home by 9pm although it's often not until gone midnight! He is able to be flexible with his hours so he can come to nativities, sports Day etc unless he's close to a deadline. It pays well, not astronomically, but well enough for me to be at home and the mortgage and bills paid.
He sees 3 DC in the morning, facetimes them at bedtime and is conscious of getting quality time with each of them at the weekend.

user1499359004 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:22:15

Vanillaisboring666 sorry to hear that hope things improve x

JumpingJellybeanz Thu 06-Jul-17 18:22:50

Mine leaves at 5.45 am and get back at either 7.30 pm or 9.30 pm depending on if he makes the train connection. He's home all weekend. He used to go off for radio club but stopped that once DS was born.

OhTheRoses Thu 06-Jul-17 18:23:45

Leaves at about 6.25am, home about 9.30pm. DC now 19 and 22. He loves work always has always will. Once a month he is away at weekend to visit his elderly widowed mother - since 2017.

He has a different job from the autumn and should wind down a bit and work more normal hours. Bet he doesn't though.

Silvertap Thu 06-Jul-17 18:23:46

Another farmer here - mine works 7am - 6pm winter and 7am till he can't do much longer in summer.

He does loiter around the kitchen more than I'd like though and I do see him as we're on the farm but he's always in "work mode".

We try to keep Sundays work free even at harvest

Bluntness100 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:27:19

What would you like him to do op, take a lower paid job that allows him to be home more often?

Do you financially contribute to the household by being in paid employment? Is that your issue, you contribute and still manage to be home?

Why don't you both find jobs that allow you to split the home care? This way you don't need to feel resentful.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 06-Jul-17 18:27:31

Sorry but I do not think that these times are normal at all!!

Yes for the minority but the majority of jobs are easily commutable and only require you to work a standard 8 hours

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