Hi all. Technically speaking, this should be in AIBU I guess, but not sure I'm up to posting on there today!
My eldest turns 16 later in the summer. She is a lovely girl, with a good heart, but we have been having one or two issues with her, on an emotional level. She strikes me as being a bit lonely and vulnerable at times (she can find friendships difficult at times) but we are very close and I am here for her always.
Ex husband and I split about 4 years ago, and I am the resident parent. They left at the beginning of the week for a 2 week holiday with him. He can be fairly difficult to deal with, and despite the marriage breaking down because of his infidelity, has rebuffed my attempts to make things amicable for the sake of our children. I am not a mug though, and have pretty much stopped trying.
He is a very high earner, and has the unwavering arrogance of someone in control. Anyway, the day after they left, I was clearing the rubbish out of my daughter's handbag, which she had said I could borrow in her absence.
Inside, I found a Monogram money transfer, for £40 in cash, sent to a guy in Cameroon. This was sent by my daughter, from the post office. I got worried, as apart from the foolhardiness of it, our address and phone number were on the form ... as well as her full name.
I emailed my ex on the holiday, to explain what I had just discovered. I asked him to have a gentle (he can be reactive) chat with her about the stupidity and danger of getting involved with scams like that, and asked hm to please ascertain how she came to be in touch with this man in the first place. A wee word is all it would have taken, and then they could get on with enjoying their holiday. I felt it would be best to raise it as soon as the issue came up.
Here was his response:
Not sure why this is coming through to me on holiday, with tips and advice along with confirmation you are speaking to her on her return. While I am away hopefully the legals will be finalised and then we can proceed quickly with the divorce. Thank you.
I am so angry with myself for expecting a sensible, non passive-aggressive response. I should have known by now that it was never going to happen. And for still allowing him to make me feel like shit.
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Relationships
Did I do the wrong thing in raising this when I did? Or is he being a dick?
Dieu · 06/07/2017 12:28
He's being a dick. No question about it. You did the right thing.
My XH was like this. Remember, if he upsets you, he's won.
That is such a arsehole response! I'm angry for you!!! 
I would send back something like this:
"I'm not sure why the divorce has got anything to do with this. I'm quite shocked and disappointed at your lack of concern for our daughter and your rude message to me. I was merely concerned for our daughter and I think this is a serious issue that needs addressing immediately and in person, face-to-face with our daughter, holiday or no holiday! Don't worry then, I'll just deal with it all when she gets back, hopefully she won't have spent all the money she has on some scam in the meantime. Enjoy your holiday!"
wanker
No, I wouldn't have left it either, op 
. You're both her parents, there was an issue (which would have really alarmed me, actually) and there should have been no reason you had to wait two weeks to approach with her if he was there on the spot.
Thanks chups ... and to everyone else who sided with me 
.
Nah, I genuinely find all perspectives really helpful, and am grateful to everyone for replying.
Knowing he can be awkward and reactive I wouldn't have messaged him at all.
I would have waited till they got back and spoken to her myself about it to be honest but either way his response is typical arrogant bullish year man and a great reminder as to why you are divorcing.
I would reply acknowledging the quick divorce comment and say brilliant thank god itl soon be over. Enjoy your holiday
Thank you, and I know you're right.
Between us, even my own mother thought I had done the wrong thing by telling him 
but by then it was done, and I guess I had panicked a bit.
Had the roles been reversed, I would have said thanks for bringing it to my attention, that I would speak to her, and report back.
It can be very draining being the reasonable one. The poster who said I should accept how he is, and that I'm on my own with the heavy stuff, was bang on the money.
In the ideal world, not how it should be, and we would co-parent amicably and with a united front.
I need to stop holding out for better, as it's never going to happen. Acceptance is key.
Ignore posters saying "but you knew he was crap so why bother" blah blah blah.
Tell him that as far as you were aware he was getting divorced from you, not from being a parent!
As someone else said, he just cannot be arsed with the hard work of being a parent - especially when on "holiday". Cos yeah, he's fully entitled to check out of life for 2 weeks. Diddums.
You did absolutely the right thing & actually talking about that type of stuff on holiday can actually be best (neutral ground, away from usual everyday stresses).
And yup, it needs addressing urgently. God knows what your daughter could be getting herself into 
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