Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How much housework do you do at your DP's if you don't live together?

(138 Posts)
Tearsoffrustration Thu 06-Jul-17 09:25:28

DP not happy because all I do is the dishes twice a week (see him after work one night a week & Saturday evening until Sunday night).

I said i can do more (his bathroom needs a good scrub tbh) but that it would eat into our time - he wasn't happy with that answer.

Luxembourgmama Thu 06-Jul-17 09:26:03

none whatsoever

BagelDog Thu 06-Jul-17 09:27:56

None. How much does he do at yours?

RaspberryBeretHoopla Thu 06-Jul-17 09:28:20

Fucking hell. You don't live with him and he wants you to clean his shower?

I have never cleaned another person's home, even if I was in a relationship with them.

And if they "weren't happy" with that arrangement then I'd fucking be out the door.

He can pay a cleaner if he wants someone else to do it.

HumpHumpWhale Thu 06-Jul-17 09:28:43

Eh, what? I would never have done any housework at his place before we moved in together. Only clearing up if he cooked. Which he generally didn't. How much housework does he do at yours?

LBOCS2 Thu 06-Jul-17 09:28:52

Does he come around and clean your bathroom? Hoover? If not then he's being unreasonable.

PatriciaHolm Thu 06-Jul-17 09:29:16

Why are you doing any??! You visit twice a week!

Ifailed Thu 06-Jul-17 09:29:21

WTF? How much housework does he do at yours?

GoodBadOrIndifferent Thu 06-Jul-17 09:29:56

I did none. I'm not a fucking maid. LTB

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 06-Jul-17 09:30:31

The only housework I've ever done at someone else's house is helping with dishes if I've eaten there.
As above, does he do the hoovering at yours?

RueDeDay Thu 06-Jul-17 09:30:33

Are you his girlfriend or his maid?! Bloody hell. Bin him off, seriously. Imagine how entitled he'll be if you ever did actually live together.

Whathaveilost Thu 06-Jul-17 09:30:38

When we didn't live together I did no cleaning at their house.
Why would I? I had enough to do at my own.

Sluttybartfast Thu 06-Jul-17 09:31:22

What the fuck?

None. None. None. Standard guest courtesies (help with clearing and washing up etc) but not a hand's turn more.

Have my first ever LTB, if he really thinks this it'll never get better.

MickeyRooney Thu 06-Jul-17 09:34:08

Ltb.
he's looking for his next slave with a vagina, of course.
Prick.
Get rid.

dudsville Thu 06-Jul-17 09:34:20

When we lived apart he cleaned his and I cleaned mine. I might do the odd washing up after dinner, as would he when he was at mine, but otherwise nothing formally.

Fadingmemory Thu 06-Jul-17 09:35:04

If he doesn't want cleaning to eat into his time with you he can do it, all of it, when you are not there. Why should you clean his grubby bathroom or anywhere or anything else that belongs to him? Clear up anything you spill but that's all. Does he think he is still a little boy and that you are his mother?

AuntieStella Thu 06-Jul-17 09:35:28

Back then, I would tidy up after myself.

Which included turns at the washing up (and setting/emptying dishwasher) and swishing a cloth round kitchen surfaces, plus similar swish sometimes in bathroom, plus straightening bedclothes and folding them back to air.

I would be distinctly miffed had he asked me to do more (unless he was ill, or something).

Does he want a proper relationship, or wouid he prefer a maid/housekeeper?

Njordsgrrrl Thu 06-Jul-17 09:36:24

I tidy up after myself (bath because he uses the shower, washing up, wipe surfaces if I've spilled coffee / sugar on them) but don't do anything specifically, as he's of the opinion that I'm a guest.

LTB grin

Northernpowerhouse Thu 06-Jul-17 09:36:30

This an ideal opportunity for you to see the future you might have with this partner if you were living together. If it were me, I would run!

Tofutti Thu 06-Jul-17 09:39:05

tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck. And then when he get there, tell him to fuck off some more.

43percentburnt Thu 06-Jul-17 09:39:53

I would be prepared to wash or dry up the pots we had used for a meal (not shit loads that he had used alone the last couple of days).

What does he do at yours?

Who pays for the meals you/he cooks? In fact who cooks?

It's a slippery slope. He may well be telling you what he expects of women. Is that what you want?

RaspberryBeretHoopla Thu 06-Jul-17 09:40:13

I think Tofutti has given excellent advice.

Butterymuffin Thu 06-Jul-17 09:40:20

Why on earth would you do housework at someone else's house? As pp have said, tidyup after yourself, wash cups you've used and so on, yes. But he seems to think you should be cleaning his house instead of him. Hard not to interpret that as 'this is woman's work, I'm too important to do it, Tears should do it'.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Thu 06-Jul-17 09:41:20

I visit my DP's house maybe once a month max. I do no housework except loading the dishwasher and helping him cook. I did once clean his bathroom when we had family coming over as it was minging

He spends a lot more time at my house. He often empties the dishwasher, sometimes cooks and will put out bins or bring in washing etc if I ask him. He doesn't 'see' what needs doing (i.e. He doesn't take any actual responsibility for it) but will help with anything when asked. He used to harrumph about it, as he does very little at his own house (has a cleaner who does everything for him) but I had words about how disrespectful that was and that he needed to step up if he was going to be here a lot.

Orlandointhewilderness Thu 06-Jul-17 09:41:27

I stay one weekday night, then DD and I stay Friday 5pm - Sunday 4 ish. He is at work sat afternoon and we see him on and off Sunday. We wash up etc between us and I usually polish/Hoover, do bathroom and kitchen on Sunday. It taken me an hour and a half tops, he doesn't ask me to do it and it helps him. He has a frantic life and two jobs and would do anything for me so why not.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now