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Is my friend a fantasist?

(16 Posts)
demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 15:09:58

About a year ago I met a girl on a dating site. She was really nice but very full on. we did click, but for me it was more as friends. This girl text and rang up to 90 times a day and as a mum of three with a young baby it was too much, so I called it off. She said she wanted me as a best friend rather than not at all, and as we got on I agreed, but she still flirts now and again, she wants to massage me and says she still wants to " do me" even though Im living with a partner and Im 7 months pregnant. We dont see each other as much as we'd like as we live in different cities, but we text and talk a lot. my problem is is that I think she tells lies. Shes told me shes had a brain tumour and 50% chance of death, 9 months later, shes never mentioned it since. Every week shes telling me about a different girl shes dating saying they're amazing, shes in love, best shes ever been with etc. I know some of it is lies as her stories have too many holes. One of the girls she was dating was a random pic off tje internet. So what should I do? should I call her out on this and risk falling out, or go along and make myself look like an idiot believing her stories? Its always at the back of my mind well what if its all true but I know it cant be, no one is in love with a different person every week.hmm

Shoxfordian Wed 05-Jul-17 15:19:21

Yeah she does sound like she lies

Also she's rude to be flirting with you knowing you're with someone else. Her initial contact was too much; sounds like a stalker.

Don't know why you don't just block her

Getoutofthatgarden Wed 05-Jul-17 15:19:28

Anyone who contacted me 90 times a day would be cut out of my life, that's obsessive behaviour. Does your DP know you're flirting with this person?

GeekyWombat Wed 05-Jul-17 15:22:14

Definitely time for a step back, not least because you have a good excuse if you don't want a confrontation. Just reply less and drift silent once you have the baby.

She knows she's lying and she probably knows you know. Calling her out on it isn't going to do anything positive.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 15:23:36

Hes met her, he knows we're just mates now and I was never really into dating her anyway. I do like her as a friend but Its constant stories all the time and really unbelievable. Should also mention she lives in mamchester but started a job round the corner from me in liverpool.

Getoutofthatgarden Wed 05-Jul-17 15:27:44

Yes but does he know she's still after you?

but she still flirts now and again, she wants to massage me and says she still wants to " do me" even though Im living with a partner

You need to put a stop to this^ at the very least. If it was me I'd cut her out completely.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 15:30:45

He thinks its funny, but I can tell it probably annoys him. The problem is that shes not blatant about it, she talks about other girls saying they're stunning and all that, then slips into the conversation the flirty stuff, but laughs it off like its a joke x

Rescuepuppydaft2 Wed 05-Jul-17 16:06:08

Does your partner know you were looking for women on a dating site just three months before you fell pregnant? I'm guessing that you were in a relationship with your partner for you to now be about to have his baby?

I think you need to block this 'friend' completely, its incredibly disrespectful to your dp, when you are meant to be in a loving relationship, to invest so much time talking to this friend. I bet if she were a man, your dp would not feel so happy about this girl and her stalking behaviour! You are about to have a newborn baby, you don't need any complications in your life at that time! Its a special time in your relationship, you should be focusing on your little family and giving your baby the best possible start. Having this woman in the background stops you from being able to do that. The high level of contact mixed with her comments takes this to emotional affair territory!

This friend clearly sees you as a sexual object, if you are meant to just be friends then her behaviour towards you is disrespectful. I get that it might be an ego boost to know she wants you but really her behaviour is immature and frankly quite worrying! Contacting you as often as she has is also a huge red flag, can you imagine how old that would get if you were together? I can imagine that she would be possessive and want to know where you are at all times.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 16:10:19

I've only been with my partner 9 months, I got pregnant and got seriously very quickly, anything with her was long finished before we got together, we literally only had a few meals and drinks out and cane down to mine about twice. Its just excessive contact now on text, she has calmed down a little, but its just lies all the time, like she think im going to be jealous and I'm really not

NemosKnickers Wed 05-Jul-17 16:14:55

why are you entertaining this nonsense? Get rid! Unless you're enjoying it for some reason?

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 16:17:09

She is a good friend in other ways and I don't really want to lose that side of it, shes supported me a lot but I am thinking of cooling the whole thing off with her as its awkward listening to her go off on one and me not knowing what to say.

noego Wed 05-Jul-17 16:33:43

Good friend my arse. You are enabling this pantomime and need to end it. Unless you are a fantasist as well.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 16:54:35

I don't actually think she knows whats true and whats not half the time.

numbmum83 Wed 05-Jul-17 17:01:59

I think you're leading her on . Enjoying the attention or maybe keeping her hanging about incase it don't work out with your man.
You need to block her and let her find someone who does want to be with her.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 17:14:22

Not at all, I'm engaged and happy with my man. I don't see her in that way at all and made this clear not long after we met. I hardly contact her anymore, its usually her messaging me. Shes the last person I'd want a relationship with, believe me.

demirose87 Wed 05-Jul-17 17:19:10

I haven't even seen the girl for about three months, its all just texting and phone calls. I made the thread for advice on whether others thought she was lying or not and whether I should bring it up or let it lie. I can deal with the odd flirtatious comment as I don't have to see her often. I either ignore or change the subject. I am very secure in my relationship and she is not a threat to that.

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