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Want to end marriage but husband ignoring me

(6 Posts)
Glitterpuff Wed 05-Jul-17 09:50:56

We have been having issues for a while when dd was born a year ago I told him that things needed to change or our marriage had to end as I didn't want DD growing up in a dysfunctional home with our relationship as a model for how a marriage should work and him as a model of how a man should treat a woman.

In short he is lazy, does the bare minimum around the house and will only do anything when I ask/tell him - last night he went to bed before me I'd left a pile of clean washing on the bed, when I came up he was in bed with the washing kicked all over the end of the bed because he's too lazy to move it! He then complains I'm having a go/ nagging him. He's 40 years old FFS!
When I told him he doesn't cook for me, he cooks food so that he can also eat his response was "I'd quite happily not eat, I just cooked food for you" WTF mentality is that?!

He's emotionally unavailable, makes no effort with me didn't realise I had depression apparently crying constantly and a complete change in personality is completely normal! I told him I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, he told me I was being over dramatic. I was having a nervous breakdown and ended up suicidal and in therapy. He now gaslights me that I don't remember what happened correctly.

This weekend I had enough I told him he needed to leave, took my rings off and told him it was over. He's completely ignored me and carried on as normal!
He keeps kissing me and asking me why I'm annoyed?!

I have no money as I've only recently returned to work and all my money goes on childcare and bills and I have nowhere else to go no family, no friends.
I'm at a loss at what to do, I'm stuck living with an emotionally draining man child that is completely disassociated with reality!

WotcherHarry Wed 05-Jul-17 09:56:51

In a very similar position, I'm getting myself organised to leave but I feel unsettled by the reverting to apparent normality... Im sticking with my plan, but I think that he thinks that if he ignores it that things will go back to normal!

mummyretired Wed 05-Jul-17 09:59:21

A couple of weeks after I'd asked X to leave - and reminded him several times - I put a brief, polite, statement on FB to the effect that we were separating. I realise I am a complete cow but I couldn't see what else to do, and he then accepted the situation. Arranging alternative accommodation took longer.
I was in a different situation as the house is mine and we have no DC together - depending on your tenancy agreement/ownership he may not have to move out.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 05-Jul-17 10:02:11

Womens Aid can help you here and I would give them a call on 0808 2000 247. I would also contact the Rights of Women. A link to them is below:-

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

You do not need his permission to end this marriage.

Adora10 Wed 05-Jul-17 16:20:29

Do as above says, this man has nothing but contempt for you, do not stay and do not allow him to dictate the rest of your life; you do have choices here, get advice pronto, this is dead.

pocketsaviour Wed 05-Jul-17 16:32:52

Unfortunately you cannot force him to move out of the marital home until you've gone down the legal route, so start by making an appointment with a solicitor and get the ball rolling.

Why is all YOUR money going on childcare and bills? Are you not splitting family bills?

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