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Is this normal after seperation?

(14 Posts)
mrsnomore Mon 03-Jul-17 21:50:01

Dh left me about 5 months ago and I've been through all the heartbreak and grief but think I may be slowly starting to have more good days than bad. My self esteem is rock bottom and I just feel like I want to have a bit of male attention or conversation. Even if it's just online but then I don't want to share my photo or out myself. I know I know it's too soon but it's just how I feel. Is there any single parent chat rooms or dating websites or something online that's recommended? I understand it's a bit of a long shot when your not sharing your photo but I just want someone to talk to and to make me feel good and wanted.

God I've just read that back I look so pathetic sad

AdalindSchade Mon 03-Jul-17 21:52:42

That's literally 90% of the reason why anybody goes on dating sites grin
If you just want to chat then maybe join some Facebook closed groups for things that interest you? If you want meaningless flattery from men then a) you probably need to post photos and b) it's not very fair on men who are looking to date in real life.

mrsnomore Mon 03-Jul-17 21:58:17

True.... I don't know I just feel like I want to be made wanted. I know that sounds shallow but it's like I need a boost... I've never had a ONS before I've always been in a relationship but I feel I just want to go out and have some attention to make me feel better and worth something.

AdalindSchade Tue 04-Jul-17 07:19:45

Well having a one night stand just to feel wanted is a terrible idea so don't do that.
Sounds like you just need to heal. Have you got good friends around you to boost you up and make you feel special?

MrsBertBibby Tue 04-Jul-17 07:26:12

If you've never spent time on your own then you need to do it now. Your self worth can't come from other people. Why would you expect others to value yourcompany if you don't value it yourself?

Smeaton Tue 04-Jul-17 07:30:44

Its not pathetic at all IMO. Seems perfectly normal.
I don't buy into this idea of 'Too Soon' either, you're single, you want company and that's all there is too it.

Also, there's no worry about outing yourself. POF and Tinder or any online dating place are just part of life now, there's no stigma attached anymore. The only people on there would be people in the same boat as you so you'd only be outing yourself to people that want to date. Iyswim.

I'd say, sign up to plenty of fish. Leave profile picture blank if you want too, write a detailed profile though and then message a few people and see if they respond.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 04-Jul-17 07:33:15

It's completely normal - I do agree with a pp who said that your esteem should be reliant upon yourself and not others but humans like to be desired whether they have just come out of a relationship or whether they've been in one for years!

Go and sign up to something and start being you again! Enjoy

FinallyHere Tue 04-Jul-17 07:58:35

Completely normal.

Maybe, separately, do some work on your self esteem, it would really help you be yourself and enjoy.

TheNaze73 Tue 04-Jul-17 08:33:37

I disagree with others.

I think to get over somebody, get under somebody. As long as no one gets hurt, I don't see the problem.

You'll have your fair share of pickings if you say you're just looking to have a laugh & sex without a relationship. Most men would bite your hand off at that.

Good luck, with whatever you decide to do flowers

rockabillyruby82 Tue 04-Jul-17 08:44:46

Going to chip in with my personal experience. A few months after my separation I too was lonely, just wanted someone to chat to. I opened a POF account, spoke to a couple of men and one of them was really chatty and nice. I told him my situation, he was understanding. I soon realized I didn't want a relationship, this man did and he went on to groom and manipulate me at my most vulnerable.
Looking back now and with hindsight, I wouldn't have gone on POF. I know now that that loneliness was a part of getting over my marriage ending. I needed to be lonely and chatting and meeting someone just put that process off.
I'd say create a profile, chat to men but don't be talked into doing anything you wouldn't normally do. Don't let your loneliness lead you.

LellyMcKelly Wed 05-Jul-17 02:35:37

It sounds like you are starting to heal and look to the future. That's a great start. You might not be ready for OLD yet (or ever) but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy some interaction either in real life or online with like minded people. If you have time think about joining local groups - there are always adverts (e.g. Amateur dramatics) in community centres or try an evening class. Alternatively, there are online Facebook groups such as 'Friends of Scarborough' or similar.

CremeFresh Wed 05-Jul-17 02:47:06

It's good that you feel as if you're moving forward Op but if you're going to try OLD make sure your self esteem is rock solid as there are some real twats about and it would be a real shame to be knocked back to square one as it were.

Do you think volunteering would give you the feeling of being needed? You might meet someone while doing it but in a more natural way .

KarmaNoMore Wed 05-Jul-17 02:51:29

You need a thick skin to go into OLD. If you don't have it yet, it is not the time yet.

Ellisandra Wed 05-Jul-17 07:29:50

Don't do it.
I'm actually with theNaze on getting under to get over. And if your just said it was because you're lonely I'd have said go for it.
But you explicitly know that you're doing it to try to feel attractive and better about yourself.
You will feel much worse than you do now when you think something is going well and then you get ghosted. Or you're not ghosted but a first date doesn't want a second. Or you only get messages from creepy sounding guys twice your age.
If you're vulnerable now, OLD can be brutal, and you'll probably make bad choices.

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