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What do I do?

(142 Posts)
neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sat 01-Jul-17 23:35:49

I really don't know how to start this, I don't want to drip feed either (so if you want to know anything just ask)

DP who is sleeping has just received a call from another woman (I wouldn't usually answer his phone but the same number called 12 times and I thought it could be urgent)

As soon as I said hello she hung up, I have tried calling her back but she has switched her phone off.

Now I don't know what to think because he has cheated on me in the past, he come clean about it because he was feeling guilty, this was 3 years ago, he thinks I have got over it but I haven't, every time I think about it, it just makes me feel very vulnerable.

A bit of a back story, for the past few months we haven't really been getting on the greatest due to him not wanting to spend time with me and DS5, he goes out and doesn't come back until late, and his excuse is "I don't feel as if you want me around you" - it is really hard to be around someone who doesn't speak, it feels like every conversation is forced, and when I suggest that we do things as a family he doesn't want to, he'd rather take DS out alone, which makes me feel very insecure, I am really not happy at the moment, the only reason I have stayed with him is for the sake of DS.

I am not silly or naive I suspect that he is seeing other women, and the worst thing about the whole situation is that my friends and family think he is perfect, he has got they charm.

Queenofthedrivensnow Sat 01-Jul-17 23:39:18

Text the number off your phone and see what happens

neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sat 01-Jul-17 23:41:28

@Queenofthedrivensnow the last thing I want is her having my number.

Queenofthedrivensnow Sat 01-Jul-17 23:42:46

Have you looked at his messages?

neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sat 01-Jul-17 23:47:52

There isn't any messages from that number, I feel rather pathetic has I had to use his finger to enable me to look through his phone, I will confront him tomorrow as I feel uncomfortable looking through his phone.

MoreThanJustANumber Sat 01-Jul-17 23:52:08

That doesn't sound good. It's a horrible position to be in. I remember something similar with my ex.

Don't stay with someone just for your DS though, if you're not getting on the atmosphere won't be great for him. If you're happier he will be happier too.

Let us know how you get on flowers

Migraleve Sat 01-Jul-17 23:58:02

I would confront him now, not in the morning

KeyChange Sun 02-Jul-17 00:04:58

Sorry it does sound like he's seeing someone.

I'd be waking him up to deal with it now but maybe you want time to compose yourself?

I found out about my cheating partner by reading his emails. Bizarrely no texts they'd conducted it all by email and he'd forgotten to delete his sent items. Like you, I'd had a feeling something was off cos he was very distant and unpleasant towards me in the weeks leading up to the discovery.

Also like you, it wasn't the first time he'd cheated and I wished I'd binned him first time round.

Stay strong, hold up your head high, take no shit, look after yourself x

Josuk Sun 02-Jul-17 00:05:59

I'd look through the phone - at Lear to know for yourself - he is unlikely tell you the whole truth tomorrow....

However, whoever it is that called - seems nuts... Calling anyone 12 times is desperate and off.
OW won't be this careless, and it's unlikely he'd pretend to be single.

Tiny chance it's a wrong number. And she was calling someone else.

So - I'd definitely look through the phone to be sure.

neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sun 02-Jul-17 00:25:47

The number has called three times again, I stayed silent and so did she, I have put her number into my whatsapp and just looking at her (very attractive) I don't think him and her would be friends, I mean what exactly would they have in common?

KeyChange yes I have to compose myself for our sons sake, I will be taking him to my mums house first thing in the morning, then I will come back and confront DP.

user1486956786 Sun 02-Jul-17 00:29:24

Do not stress about going through his phone. You had every reason to, clearly.

Why would she keep ringing when she knows you have his phone, perhaps she's drunk

khajiit13 Sun 02-Jul-17 00:30:11

Put her number into Facebook too. Can you view his phone bill as see how much contact he has had with her? Look at deleted messages. I would not feel guilty about snooping at this point. Or wake him up and be blunt. You're phone had rang X amount of time so in eventually answered as you slept through it and a woman on the other end hung up me. She seems to want to contact your desperately, who is she?

khajiit13 Sun 02-Jul-17 00:30:36

I would also consider she is drunk

JustDontGetItAtAll Sun 02-Jul-17 00:32:45

Genuine question - How do you know it was a woman? Was the number saved in his phone? X

neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sun 02-Jul-17 00:43:07

@User I don't know why she has kept on ringing, drunk or sober you would not ring someone's phone 12 times, I mean who does that??

@khajitt13 I will not lower myself to the point of searching her on Facebook or checking his phone bill, I am not that kind of person I feel bad enough putting her number into my WhatsApp, I am not angry at her and I certainly will never see another woman as a threat maybe she does not know that he is in a relationship and has a 5 year old son

@JustDontGetItAtAll I know it is a woman due to the fact he has cheated before and why would they hang up as soon as they heard my voice? If it was one of his male friends they would have spoken.

Changedname3456 Sun 02-Jul-17 01:58:34

She knows about you or she'd be demanding to know who the hell you are, rather than putting the phone down and staying silent when she's not sure it's him on the line.

That's, what, sixteen times she's tried calling him tonight? There's no friend that would be doing that at all who wouldn't be prepared to speak to the friend's partner if they answered.

IMO she's well aware he's got a partner and she's either pissed or wanting to force him to come clean to you by engineering a situation where you confront him or both (probably it's both).

What a shitty way to find out, sorry OP.

FellOutOfBed2wice Sun 02-Jul-17 02:09:17

Past experience tells me what you already know here OP. You're going to have to confront him.

K1092902 Sun 02-Jul-17 02:15:55

Personally I would be casual about it and watch his reaction and act from there

Something like "Oh I heard your phone ring several times last night in a row (I'm assuming) so I thought it may be urgent so I answered. They hung up and it was a female voice I didn't recognise so couldn't tell you who it was"

If he has anything to hide- you will know

mylittlepony6 Sun 02-Jul-17 07:32:12

Good luck today OP. I think one of the worst things about a cheating partner is that they change the sort of person you are...........

Saiman Sun 02-Jul-17 07:40:41

I am a person who is really against checking someones phone. But honestly given the situation and that he has cheated before, i really think its ok.

You need to know as much as you can before you confront him because he will lie and you will have no way of knowing.

If she is seeing him, She does know about you because she wouldn't have hung up. If she simply thinks he is her boyfriend she would want to know the fuck you were.

So either she is seeing him and knows about you. Or she is fucking crazy, knows about you, is stalking him and doesnt give a fuck....and she is drunk.

I doubt she is stalking him, but you need to confirmation before you confront him.

The other thing is, on the slighy chance he isnt cheating, if you cant move past ehat happened 3 years ago and cant communucate that to him. You relationship isnt working in general.

khajiit13 Sun 02-Jul-17 08:05:09

If she didn't know about you she'd be asking you who you are. She knows. You don't need to be angry to Facebook her number? Don't see the connection there

Migraleve Sun 02-Jul-17 08:28:13

i will not lower myself to the point of searching her on Facebook or checking his phone bill, I am not that kind of person I feel bad enough putting her number into my WhatsApp

But you will post on here about it where no one can actually help you confirm her identity confused

I am not angry at her and I certainly will never see another woman as a threat maybe she does not know that he is in a relationship and has a 5 year old son

Sorry OP but how naive do you sound?

Your posts have a huge sniff of denial running through them. Now it's heartbreaking to think that your partner could be cheating, but popping your head downward into sand isn't going to help

happypoobum Sun 02-Jul-17 08:55:24

Tbh I would just end it.

He has already cheated, he is making you very unhappy, the relationship sounds shit.

Life is too short to live like this. flowers

neverthoughtidhadtonamechange Sun 02-Jul-17 09:48:20

I have spoken to him, he said that he doesn't know who she is and that I should have asked her. I've asked him to call the number back and he said that he is not going to be put on the spot like me, and if I'm that interested to know that I can call her from my phone (maybe he is calling my bluff) then he went on to say that if he was going to cheat on me, he would be much more discreet and that he is not happy that I think he is cheating.

@Migraleve I posted on here because I am embarrassed to tell someone in RL.

Migraleve Sun 02-Jul-17 09:55:07

And if he was cheating that's exactly what he would say ^

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