my ex husband would have sex with me when I was drunk\asleep\comatose, I would sometimes wake up and find myself enjoying it so I'm unsure as to what to actually call it as I did get into it, But how many other times would it happen when I didn't wake up and he was having sex with me?
Cheese how is having sex with someone asleep not rape? It is impossible to gain consent. Op shouldn't have to ask him to not rape her in future fgs. Op your body reacted to stimulation. Its not your fault.
Cheese I understand, I think, what you were trying to get at, but you're failing to take into account that FIRST time. That FIRST time he had sex with her, without her knowledge or consent. It doesn't matter that she woke and enjoyed it. It doesn't matter that afterwards she said "oh hey that was pretty good". He still, knowingly, consciously, had sex with someone without their knowledge or conscious consent. As the OP said, what if she was comatose/passed out that first time? She wouldn't have woken so could never have consented...
I have come to realise with time that my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me in the same way. I don't like calling it rape because the word is traumatic to me.
I am adding this is no way to be glib to the OP, but this is my favourite explanation to the question "what is rape"....I think when described in this way it is very clear. Consent should be clear each and every time you have sex.
No the relationship wasn't equal, I told him numerous times to stop it,
I had a coil in, had it removed and had 4 weeks before starting the pill again, in this time I fell pregnant- I knew we didn't have sex in this time, when I questioned him he admitted that he had had sex with me one night when I got home from a night out, I had an abortion As we couldn't afford another baby! no one would ever believe me though, he is lovely to everyone but me,
I understand that it may be too traumatic right now for you to use the word rape for what happened. It can be hard to match up the many sides of someone like your ex - as you said, he's lovely to other people, you probably had some good times and saw some good qualities in him. BUT, very few people are just selfish or bad through and through.
Despite everything else though, at some point, he looked at you, decided his wants were more important than your rights. He decided that, and he didn't do it to wake you up and make you horny, he didn't do it because you had said you may like it, he did it because he wanted sex and felt entitled to it. And he did it more than once. No matter how you word that, it is a disgusting thing to do to someone. Everyone has the right to be asked their permission before sex, everyone has the right to say no. Nobody is entitled to just take what they want or use another persons body in that way.
I am so sorry this happened to you OP. I take it you are free of him now?