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Any successful single mum stories?

(36 Posts)
Ilovepeppa Thu 29-Jun-17 14:07:02

Is it really that scary being a single parent?

Just started divorce proceedings and have 2DS. I am so worried about going it alone. I don't work and trying to get a job is near on impossible, hardly anything going and for every one job about 80 apply!!

Spoke to a friend yesterday who is a single mum, just been made redundant and worried she is going to lose her home.

Please tell me it's not that bad and me and the DS are not going to be living on bread and water.

Ktown Thu 29-Jun-17 14:10:50

Yes of course!
A friend has x3 kids and brought all up alone
They are lovely and all studying clever stuff now
She didn't have support either and worked ridiculous hours

Ilovepeppa Thu 29-Jun-17 15:29:04

Anymore? Please cheer me up and tell me it will be fine.

Bluebell9 Thu 29-Jun-17 15:39:09

My sister was earning £7k a year in an unqualified role with a 7m old baby when she became a single parent. He ex didn't pay CM either.

She now has her own 4 bed house and a great job.
She very nearly didn't apply for the job that changed things for her as she didn't believe she would get it as there would be much more qualified people etc. But she did apply and she is great at her job.

Don't be put off applying for jobs because lots of people are applying, you'll never get the job is you don't try.

Bluebell9 Thu 29-Jun-17 15:39:42

if*

Chillyegg Thu 29-Jun-17 15:46:19

Er yah moi.
I fled my violent and abusive ex with 3 carrier bags and a weekend bag. He stole my car and money and wouldn't let me have my possessions. Me and dd were sleeoing on an air bed at my mums.
A year on dd who was a nervous wreck is doing brilliantly at nursery. Has loads of friends i got a nice job in a school got all my old friends back , got a lovely house in the village i grew up in. Started dating a very kind man, got my own car and doing my pgce next September.
My best friemds pretty much the same storry.

pinkpixie83 Thu 29-Jun-17 15:54:30

It doesn't have to be a disaster.

I'm a single mum to three, while I don't have a job that requires lots of qualifications I have a good job that I enjoy and fits with the children.
I have just taken on the mortgage for my three bed house alone. Ok I still have to pay my ex out but I have a few years to do that in.
My kids are all doing well at school and have good solid friendships.

It's not a pile of roses and it's hard work but we are doing ok.

CwtchMeQuick Thu 29-Jun-17 15:57:58

You'll be fine!

I bought up DS alone from 8 months until dp moved in at the start of the year. We have a beautiful house in a lovely area, DS is in a good school and life is good! That's not to say it's not hard. It is hard being a single parent, but focus on the positives. It's easier being a single parent than being in a relationship that isn't working. Have you got much support from family and friends? I found having people to talk to (especially other single parents) saved my sanity.

Concentrate on building up a good support network, have you got friends you can do childcare swaps with? Eg I look after my friends kids when I'm free and they need to work, and they look after DS when I'm stuck. Look on here or find Facebook groups for support and tips on healthy eating etc on a budget. Apply for all the jobs you see, I applied for 50+ jobs in 3 weeks and then was having to turn down interviews because I had too many.

Lastly, enjoy single parenthood. Enjoy getting time with your DC, enjoy the time they spend away (with dad, grandparents etc). Enjoy being able to do as you please without having to take another adult into account. Just embrace it and you will be absolutely fine!

Dairymilkmuncher Thu 29-Jun-17 16:07:58

I was a single mum without CM, very young with no job/saving and a heap of debt but we managed with mat allowance and then income support the first year and then I got a lovely and well paid reception/admin job and worked my way up with the help of tax credits with childcare. By the time my little one started school I had a very good job that I wouldn't have dreamed of when I was pregnant with no qualifications. Although I was very careful with budgets and supermarket shopping we had a wonderful diet, days out together and I had a couple cheeky nights out when I could find a babysitter. There was some tricky times with cash but honestly that was me not being as sensible as I could have been and I look back on that time with fond memories of me and my baby DS being a very strong team.

Read Martin Lewis money saving emails for good tips and teach your little ones about not asking for stuff before you walk into a shop etc

Everyone I know (including myself) from single parent families grow up with the most respect for their hard working mum's that made it all work out smile don't worry

Dairymilkmuncher Thu 29-Jun-17 16:09:34

Yes to everything CwtchMeQuick says!

debbs77 Thu 29-Jun-17 16:18:30

This is outing but I am a single Mum of six. No help. No nights without the kids. I run my own craft business successfully, and do it all around the kids.

It is perfectly possible. And I'm happy!

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Thu 29-Jun-17 16:28:54

I've been a single mum for a year now. It's been a roller coaster but in no way do I regret getting away from an abusive relationship that was setting an example to my DDs of what adult relationships are like.

Doing it alone is sometimes totally exhausting. The burden of feeling things depend on you is hard. At the moment I'm working three jobs and it feels like I never sleep 😫. But I'm making a positive future for me and my girls, and there's no one pulling me down.

Ilovepeppa Thu 29-Jun-17 16:31:30

Thanks for all the help and advice.

I'm feeling slightly more positive.

surereadyforchange Thu 29-Jun-17 16:32:56

I did it all on my own from DS being just under 1yo despite horrible exes and zero family support.
I got onto an access course, studied like mad and got onto a degree course that meant I got a good job, I support myself and now 8yo DS and I'm happier than I've ever been! I feel stronger for it. Not gonna say it wasnt tough going but I got there. Even when we had nothing and I was stressed out to the max it was still better than being in a miserable relationship.
You can do whatever you want, you just have to believe you can Xx

mummyretired Thu 29-Jun-17 16:37:57

I was on my own with 2 DC from when they were toddlers; always worked FT. Father wasn't in the picture, I had some practical help from my parents such as childcare 1 day per week. It worked, was even fun much of the time, and they are wonderful adults.

I remarried when they were 12/14 and this had a negative impact on family life, not recommended.

whatsmyname2017 Thu 29-Jun-17 16:41:06

I'm in the early stages of separation too. ex moved out 5 weeks ago and I'm managing the mortgage on my own while the house sells.
I'm very lucky to have a good job with decent wages and get some tax credits to top this up. My ex also pays CM so financially I'm not too bad although things are tighter now than before. Its still hard when an unexpected bill comes in (car needs work done on it).
Going it alone is so very daunting but being in an unhappy relationship is not a happy alternative to this. I actually get more time to myself now than I did before. When ex was here he did very little with the kids. Now, they go and spend time with him so he has to do stuff and I get time to do other stuff.
Hang on in there. Things might seem hard right now, but it will all work out going forward.

DistortedPerceptions Thu 29-Jun-17 16:52:02

LP for 9 years now, no nights off, only have one child and apart from the first couple of years with a high needs baby it's been plain sailing, I actually really enjoy being a lone parent. I find I'm much happier without a man complicating my life. I can put all my energy into DS, my friends and home plus I have a job I love so yeah it's pretty good actually. Not rolling in cash but enough to live on and have treats like trips to the cinema etc. Lots of my coupled up friends have 2 or more kids and seem way more stressed than me.

memyselfandaye Thu 29-Jun-17 16:57:47

I've only ever been a single Mum to my amazing 6yr old. I would'nt change it for anything.

All decisions are made by me, I don't have to check with anyone before I buy anything, my bed is all mine as is my bank account.

I love being a single Mum, however I only have one child and he's such a good kid, his Father sees him every other day and pays for him plus my Mum looks after him when I work.

So I know I have it very easy compared to a lot of single Mum threads that I've read on here. If I was to lose my job and my Mum life would be very different, I'm well aware of that.

memyselfandaye Thu 29-Jun-17 16:59:22

@DistortedPerceptions are you me? grin

DoraChance Thu 29-Jun-17 17:02:01

I've been a LP since I was 8 months pregnant and I don't have much help, no nights off. It is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done but also the thing I'm most proud of. I genuinely believe I'm a better mum than I would have been as one half of a couple. I know loads of single mums who are making it work. I can remember reading an interview with JK Rowling where she said she felt prouder of her years as a single parent than any of her other achievements and I kind of feel the same although unfortunately I'm not a multi millionaire novelist!

PookieDo Thu 29-Jun-17 17:04:47

I'm a single mum I work full time, I rent a nice house and have a nice life with my kids.
I am studying to further my career.
I have now got a boyfriend for the first time in 10 years and we don't live together but life is still good. No regrets

It is hard when they are little but now mine are teens it's getting easier

DistortedPerceptions Thu 29-Jun-17 17:05:30

grin

Could be except for the absent father. Also had loads of support from my parents which makes ALL the difference. Don't really need childcare so much now but I did in the early years. Plus my DS is also a very easy kid, does whatever I ask mostly, just holding my breath for it all to go horribly wrong in the teenage years wink.

UnaPalomaBlanca Thu 29-Jun-17 17:56:03

I'm a single mum with 2 DSs. Just me and them for 6 years. I'm a widow so no maintenance or shared custody. No parents either.
It IS hard- practically, financially and emotionally- but you build up great support networks amongst your friends. I feel particularly close to other single parents as we have that empathy for each other and help each other out. It's very difficult to juggle work and childcare...
But there are definitely upsides- you make the rules in your house, you don't need to consult another adult or compromise; you don't have the domestic drudgery of 'looking after' a husband; you can decorate your house any colour you like; watch what you like on TV in the evening etc etc.
Expect a period of adjustment but you can do it and it can be good!

joannegrady90 Thu 29-Jun-17 18:02:49

I'm a single parent to an 8 years old dd with additional needs.

I fell pregnant when I was 18, wasn't allowed back onto college and lost my job.

My partner then left when dd was 2, for another girl who he got pregnant.

I was a mess for a few years but slowly turned things around.

When dd was 3 I got a cleaning job, then returned to college.

When she started school I got a job in a pub, wasn't much ideal job but it paid.

When dd was 6 we went to Legoland our first break away.

Then last year dd aged 7 I landed my dream job working with adults with additional needs, hours fit lovely around my child.

She is now 8 and we are going abroad shortly, the house is decorated and I have met a really nice man who adores us 😊.

It definitely gets easier!

By the way the ex is now living in a bedsit with no job or woman, his gf left him for his best friend 😊 Karma!

CrowyMcCrowFace Thu 29-Jun-17 18:07:19

Yes, 3dc, now teaching abroad.

Kids are at a fantastic school, we're doing fine financially.

Tonight their dad (total dickhead & a classic LTB job; very glad I did. But loves dc, if not paying anything to support them) is out here visiting for a long weekend so they are at a water park hotel with him.

I'm drinking wine on the balcony of my hotel overlooking the pyramids, waiting for the current chap to join me for the sound & light show (& hopefully bring more wine!).

Life is good.

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