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Long distance relationship

(23 Posts)
allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 10:36:25

While divorcing met someone who subsequently moved back to Hungary while I am was going through my divorce. We agreed we would not see each other j til I was free. We reconnected after divorce (last May) and he had moved back home. We love each other dearly. I have visited 5 times and he has come here for Christmas. He wants me and 5yo so to come for summer holidays. Problem is he was to come back to London in April but said he couldn't live here anymore but still loves me etc. I was heartbroken as we made lots of plans to start a new family life. He has a little farm and loves his life there. He wants us to go there but that isn't an option at this stage due to sons schooling etc. I wanted some advice on handling long distance relationship. Do they work? Should I quit before get more hurt? X

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 10:40:16

Divorced may 2016

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 14:26:55

Anyone have any advice?

Inaquandrydm Wed 28-Jun-17 14:30:01

If it was me I would be looking at how I could educate my ds over there. . .
I had a ldr years ago - same country though. Wish I had stuck it out tbh.

LesisMiserable Wed 28-Jun-17 14:50:48

Go in the summer holidays and see how you feel after that.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 15:15:41

Thanks guys

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 15:28:31

Not sure can take son there - he is only 5 and his dad sees him every second weekend. I promised boyfriend would love to Hungary when retire or possibly in a few years when can organise a move like that properly.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 16:55:12

inaqunadrydm - I think he is a really special person, that's why I don't want to lose what we have

WannaBe Wed 28-Jun-17 17:04:15

Why can he not move to you?

Agree that you moving isn't on the cards due to your DS' relationship with his dad, but if he can't move either then you're looking at a long distance relationship of thirteen years at the very least until your DS leaves school.

I am in a ldr within the UK and we had the discussion very early on about the fact that I was unable to move due to DS relationship with his dad and also now his schooling. He works in a very niche role which is not transferrable and as such it has been almost impossible for him to even find any suitable roles here, however we are now looking at him setting up his own business. But I'll be honest, it works for us because we see each other every weekend, and even if he is not in a position to move within the next couple of years, DS is nearly fifteen now so we're only looking at another four years max

But if we were living in different countries and only seeing each other five times a year I'm not sure it would be so sustainable in the long-term.

If there is genuinely no way of him moving here then I would cut my losses tbh, as hard as it is. For people who say that if you love each other you'll make it work that's just not as straightforward. In the beginning you can absolutely make it work, but resentment at not being able to be together will ultimately take its tole on an otherwise good relationship, and it's IMO far better to split while you're on good terms and can remember the good about the relationship than to get to a point where you split because you're just not getting on any more due to the distance.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:12:30

He says he hates London and how he was treated when he was here. I have tried to reassure him that it could be different and he would be part of a family etc. All I hear is he hates London! He said it would
kill him to live here again. Am in a quandary as to what to do!

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:15:42

have also said why not come here for half the year, say in the /autumn winter when it is -20 there are you can't do anything on the farm anyway...and we we spend most of school summer holidays together but he is against all options

Adora10 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:16:27

Mmmm, can he not at least come to you in the holidays and see what it would be like, how does he feel about being a stepdad to your son?

I'd not uproot my son from School and his dad based on this; he won't get good schooling there I'd doubt and it's not fair to make him learn a new language etc.

Surely he can give it a go, if he wants you he will need to, otherwise you are long distance for many years to come.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:17:36

Or we move out of london where houses are cheaper and it is less busy...

Adora10 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:21:28

Yes doesn't have to be central London does it but he needs to meet you half way OP, you have a child here who has a dad here.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:26:58

He gets on great with my son and he says he wants to be a step dad.

Adora10 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:29:35

That's good then, guess you will have to see how it all pans out, enjoy your visit there.

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:30:23

We actually live in a leafy part of london quite villagey in london terms but would move out a bit definitely, also I work in central London and am mostly sole provider for my son financially so that's also a factor

allymcbeal1 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:33:29

My son is in a great school is getting on really well and very happy with his friends etc so can't move him. Also need to provide stability for him after divorce.

allymcbeal1 Sat 01-Jul-17 20:08:11

Update is he doesn't want to come to London under any circumstance. He wants a long distance relationship. I said I want a family life with him and not happy about that. I said what after August and he said we can decide who visits who at Christmas. Ok wise ladies that's it isn't it? Over?

allymcbeal1 Sat 01-Jul-17 20:08:55

And men (know there are Dads out there too!)

BadLad Sun 02-Jul-17 03:58:42

I can't see that working, I'm afraid.

Lovegaultier Sun 02-Jul-17 06:33:32

If you can't go there and he won't come here, it's a non-starter isn't it.

allymcbeal1 Sun 02-Jul-17 08:17:20

Thanks guys it will be hardest thing ever- strangely harder than divorce as feelings so strong but can't go on in this half way house relationship

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