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Help me to advise dd

(5 Posts)
GoodyGoodyGumdrops Mon 26-Jun-17 18:49:55

She wants to know how to break up with her boyfriend, but she really does not want to hurt him. I've never been in this sort of situation and do not know how to advise her.

Both are 14, at school together, both quite innocent and geeky in their own ways. They were friends for several years before, and were both nervous that becoming boyfriend and girlfriend would damage their friendship if they broke up. They talked about that. The boy has autism, but is in mainstream full time, unsupported and doing well academically. Dd may also be somewhat on the spectrum.

Dd feels that the relationship has petered out - definitely on her side, but she's not sure about on his side. There's no one else. She says that she feels pressured to be in a relationship, that 'everyone' expects them to be together.

Dd enjoyed the relationship at first, 8 months or so, but over the past few months has come to the realisation that she doesn't want to be in any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship right now. But she does not want to hurt this boy, and she really hopes to maintain the friendship.

Please advise, because I'm lost here.

Lovemusic33 Mon 26-Jun-17 18:55:36

They are only 14.

Just tell her to tell him that she wants to go back to being just friends.

My daughter has a similar friend, my daughter has Aspergers and her friend (not allowed to call him boy friend) is possibly on the spectrum. They are best friends and dd plans on keeping it that way for a long time as she doesn't want to ruin their friendship. She also says that there's pressure from peers to have boyfriend/girlfriend but that's not what she want.

BakingWithPreSchoolerand6YO Tue 27-Jun-17 11:13:29

That was me at 14!

I told him I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend and that he was my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him or lose him.

I think he thought the 'best friend' thing was just a way of letting him down gently. It really wasn't and so I proved it by still ringing him most nights for long chats, still hanging out with him and all our mates at break and lunch. We were good friends for years until we lost touch at uni.

If your DD genuinely likes him as a friend and honestly doesn't fancy someone else then she should tell him, and then actively keep being his friend.

If she thinks she'll start going out with someone else in the near future, she needs to stick to the 'more best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend' reason, otherwise when she gets a new boyfriend the current boy may feel like she was lying to him not only about not wanting a boyfriend but also about liking him as a friend too.

BarbarianMum Tue 27-Jun-17 11:35:40

<<I told him I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend and that he was my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him or lose him. >>

^^This is perfect.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Tue 11-Jul-17 12:41:17

Thank you for your advice. Dd read the thread and talked to her bf, who is now her friend again. They are both happy about it. smile

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