Partners son ?

[averageguy1]

NC for this , been seeing my DP for 4 years we don't live together but see each other very regular at both houses , I have a 10 yr old son who I have joint custody of and my DP has a 22yr old son . The son has always been a problem to the DP mainly with being lazy , loosing jobs , trashing the house when we go away , stolen DPs money etc... DP has tried to kick him out and he goes but always turns on the emotional blackmail and moves back.

Now the problem has escalated he hasn't worked for 18 months and has stopped claiming any benefits but has always got plenty money as suspected he has now confessed to dealing and is more than happy with his career choice , I am a hard working person and this behaviour goes against everything I believe in , I love my DP with all my heart and we have a good relationship with the usual ups and downs life brings . My DPs opinion is he is a waster and if she doesn't think about him it won't affect them (burying head in the sand) ...

What would you MNers do I am confused and don't want myself being dragged into it but don't want to not be with my DP ...

[cheapskatemum]

Hi averageguy1 sorry you haven't had any responses. I would suggest talking to your DP about how you feel about her DS . You obviously don't agree with her head in the sand approach. Could you support her by seeing if there is an organisation near you that helps families affected by drugs? I ask because I was fortunate in the past to receive counselling & then group therapy from just such an organisation. These days they might do it online. If her DS is using as well as dealing, this will be affecting his personality, motivation etc

[Pallisers]

I think you should be very very cautious about how this relationship progresses. Your priority has to be your 10 year old and you can't have him living anywhere where a drug dealer is living/operating/stealing.

So that will put some stop on your relationship.

With regard to your DP, I would ask her how you can help her to separate herself from him a bit. But it may not work. Maybe help her get in touch with organizations like cheapskate said. This is hard. But your priority is not to let your own child get drawn in and be affected.

[Burnett]

Get out now, this is not about you it is about YOUR son, i have a 10 year and it would scare the crap out of me if he was that close to a dealer/user.............blood is thicker than water, maybe it will shock DP in to action.

[newdaylight]

I'm confused over what your asking about OP, sorry.

Is it that DP still doesn't kick her DS out? Clearly you can't be having drugs in the house and clearly he's happy with his career choice then it should be good enough for him to afford his own tenancy.

If DP refuses to get rid of him, you should probably leave. I imagine you wouldn't be happy if you found out that when your ds is with your ex he's living with a drug dealer. So you should apply the same standards to yourself.

[Isetan]

Prioritise your son.

[averageguy1]

Thanks for all the replies my priority is my DS and when I have custody of him we spend the time at my house because all his things are here . Also partners son isn't a user just likes to earn easy money , to be honest I don't know what I am asking just outside opinions ..

[Changedname3456]

If he doesn't have contact with your son then ending the relationship with your partner may be a bit overkill.

Even putting the drugs to one side, he's not exactly a role model for anyone, is he? What's your plans for the relationship with your partner? Is it likely you'll end up living together? If you did, is it likely her son would try and worm his way in to living with you all?

[averageguy1]

We don't intend living together in the near future with my son being so young and even before the latest events I couldn't live in the same house as him it would only cause conflict , I suppose the way forward is to ignore the situation myself and hope things improve for my DP .