feeling unequal & inadequate jusf beacause im on mat leave

[user1498420617]

My Dh works hard and earns alot of money, he's always had an issue about money and we have our own accounts whixh is fone as i dont want to feel like hes watching what I spend. The issue is I've just begin my 4th month of mat leave where I now get stat pay and he's not helping me pay my side of the bills! I can pay everything with mat pay apart from the food shop and any extras. I feel guilty when I ask for £10 to go for a coffee at a soft play. He gives me the money by then jokes about the fact I have none and always reminds me he's paid for things. it's quite hard as I've always been finaniaclly dependant but him being like this is making me question the type of person I've been with for the past 5 years. what would you do?

[pocketsaviour]

What has he said so far?

[pappers]

Didn't you sit down before/during pregnancy to work out how long you could afford to be off? If you can afford it as a family, he needs to subsidise you until you go back to work. Have you even discussed whether you're going back? He might be tight and selfish, but unless you talk about things how would he know what you want?!

[Emboo19]

Well I'd be having a serious conversation with him! If it helps write down how much you currently have coming in and going out, write down cost of nursery/childcare in your area too.
Then be blunt tell him you can't afford the same contribution on mat pay and if he won't help you'll go back to work and he can take the next lot of maternity leave (50/50, it's only fair if that's how he wants it) but he'll still be responsible for his share of the bills.

[Bananamanfan]

His attitude stinks, op. If you divorced you would be better off as you would be entitled to share his assets & be compensated for loss of earnings while raising children. -I'm not suggesting you do divorce btw, just indicating how stupid he is being.

[cansu]

This is crap. Tell him you will be lowering your contribution in line with your income and he will need to pay the bills until you return to work. If he can afford this easily it is absolutely shocking that he is treating you like this. If he refuses I would seriously consider returning to work and telling him his share of the childcare bill. I would also be making it clear that he will be needed to drop off and collect children half the time as well. You might also want to be clear with family that you are returning early because of the shitty financial arrangements.

[rosie1959]

Just remind him that you are off work to care for the child you both wanted
I can never understand posts like this When I left work to have our children my husband didn't even think about it He paid all the household bills and any money I received was for extras And shock horror to MN it has been like this ever since 30 odd years later My salary has always been for extras clothes holidays ect He still pays all the bills
When times have been tight all money was pooled to pay everything We are a partnership and work together

[Emboo19]

If you do go back to work early and he won't take leave, he pays for the first 4/5 months of childcare 100%, you've done your 4/5 months only fair he does his. Then it's a 50/50 split as others have said that includes 50/50 on drop offs and pick ups.

And please don't say you do the majority of the housework/cooking etc!