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Unwanted attention - how much to tell DH

(71 Posts)
abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:12:32

I am treasurer of PTA and the man in question is the chair. He made a couple of comments that made me feel uncomfortable and I told DH about them. The comments have continued and then more recently he has started using FB messenger to contact me. Nothing has been hugely inappropriate - just "spotted you at the concert today - you looked stunning!" type stuff. I feel a bit trapped as I can't block him & I know I am being ridiculous as it is so low key. Today he has sent 5 messages and they are all signed off "x" which is new and makes me worry he thinks I am happy with him messaging me. I am ridiculously anxious about it! My DH knows what's happening but should I show him the messages? I worry he will go a bit caveman about it all. And he will want to tell the man's wife. Sorry - realise my post is rambling. I just have no clue what to do.

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:14:29

Sorry - I realise the PTA stuff seems irrelevant but I can't bloody block him which is what I want to do

DearMrDilkington Sat 24-Jun-17 23:15:58

Just stop replying to him?

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:17:34

I don't reply!

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:18:18

Actually - that's not true. I don't reply to the irrelevant stuff but do reply to the PTA stuff.

user1477249785 Sat 24-Jun-17 23:19:32

I would definitely tell your DH. You don't want this man forcing you to become complicit in keeping secrets. But I'd also message him back and say: Ha ha! Did you mean to add a kiss to the end of that? Awkward.

Or some such. If he says 'yes' I meant it. You can tell him it isn't appropriate. But calling him out on it just might make it stop...

BubblingUp Sat 24-Jun-17 23:19:37

I vote for Caveman action.

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:22:02

The kisses started today. I haven't replied because I don't want to reply over the weekend. I know that probably sounds crazy but I just don't want him thinking he has my head space outwith school hours! I know it sounds so minor but I feel hugely uncomfortable. Vote for caveman - grin

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:24:00

Calling him on it actually sounds most sensible option. I am mortified that never occurred to me. Honestly! This stuff messes with your head!

pinkunicornsarefluffy Sat 24-Jun-17 23:25:37

Can you start a group chat for PTA members with everyone in, and then not reply to PM's directly to you? He won't say anything inappropriate on a group message. And do keep your H informed of all contact so it's 100% open.

If you don't reply to PM's hopefully he will get the message.

Alittlepotofrosie Sat 24-Jun-17 23:30:20

Id tell dh everything and show him the messages. If he goes "caveman" its only what the horrible creep deserves. If his wife finds out he's only got himself to blame. I think its best to be upfront with your husband here anyway so there's no confusion later on about who said what etc.

alvinp Sat 24-Jun-17 23:30:49

With FB Messenger it's really easy to add others to a chat. Keep doing that so he can't make it 1:1 plus he'll worry others will see his comments.

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:31:01

Annoyingly, we have that already. I think he is wise to the fact I am quite polite and won't make waves but fret he is interpreting this as me (I can't even bear to type the words..) playing hard to get. DH is fully aware that I find him a sleaze ball and I have told him the things he has said but I don't really want to show him the FB messages as I know they will really piss him off...

Blondielongie Sat 24-Jun-17 23:31:41

Next time he messages you, get your dh to call him off your phone nice and chipper saying something like 'hey chairman, abigboydidit is driving so asked me to give you quick ring, she said blahblahblah in response, by the way did you mean to send all those kisses?? Lol, what would your wife say, haha'

Just so he thinks you and dh share your phone maybe.

YouCantArgueWithStupid Sat 24-Jun-17 23:33:12

Why are you even coming up with excuses! You are perfectly within your rights to say

Do not message me 1:1 anymore. It's inappropriate when it is not PTA related and if you continue I will raise the issue with the PTA chairman.

Why why why! Just tell him!

Blondielongie Sat 24-Jun-17 23:34:34

He is the chairman youcant argue

Blondielongie Sat 24-Jun-17 23:34:59

Maybe tell the head teacher tho?

ChicRock Sat 24-Jun-17 23:35:28

You could shut this down right now quite politely.

"Hi X, please don't message me unless it's PTA related, I'm finding the amount of messages and their tone inappropriate. Thanks".

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:37:09

Thanks everyone. I have been so worried about this! My DH is a bit quick to anger so I will call him out on it first and then get DH to answer if it continues.

In other news, according to PTA sources - I have a lovely smile hmm <kiss at the end>

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:38:10

Jings I am too slow at typing..

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:39:01

youcant - that's it! Thank you. Will do that Monday morning.

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:40:15

...using Head as threat! Thanks all! I have been unable to think straight through this confused

Excitedforxmas Sat 24-Jun-17 23:48:37

I had this once and when he messaged me got dh to reply saying I was in the bath and he would pass message on. Made it known my dh was reading the messages and it all stopped !

abigboydidit Sat 24-Jun-17 23:57:40

I feel silly reading these replies -but on a good way. That is a great idea - I am mortified by how much this has clearly messed with my head. I will
get DH to answer but will delete some back messages as he will do the caveman punch thing 😞

m0therofdragons Sun 25-Jun-17 00:21:22

I'd reply with humour... "you have a lovely smile" reply "oooh yes I know my dh always says that. Anyway careful messaging me with x as they can be easily misinterpreted. Best stick to PTA topics so no one misunderstands. Have a good weekend"

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