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Relationships

can I go LC with dignity?

7 replies

OooYouAreAwful · 24/06/2017 22:27

Basically have had enough with my parents and the golden childing of my elder sibling, its really petty shitty things like supporting her with childcare as she has a 'more important' job and forgetting our daughter's first birthday as 'd'S and her husband had a work social function to go to and wanted a babysitter. I wasnt even thinking or expecting card/gift just a call/message to say happy birthday. Already knew they wouldnt be there on actual bday as DM had said they were going to stay with DS for the week to give her a break as her aupair was away. I know its my parents choice what to do with their time and that my teaching role isnt as impressive for them to talk about as opposed to lawyer d sis, but if I ever even try to talk about the disparity or how derogatoty she is I'm 'whinging'. Of course with all my free time in school hols I should be so excited to help out my busy big sis with her children and if I dont then im of course being 'difficult'. Really cannot be arsed with all of this anymore and just want to leave them in their self-congratulary world.

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OooYouAreAwful · 24/06/2017 22:29

What a ramble and prob makes no sense but cathartic as am never allowed to complain or speak negatively of golden one!

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JanieLovesLuckySocks · 24/06/2017 22:33

You work with children everyday, why should you look after hers on your time off?

You have a great job, high five to you xx

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heavenlypink · 24/06/2017 22:42

@OooYouAreAwful I relate Flowers I am the black sheep too. My parents (mum particularly) favour my DSis and her "perfect" child rather than me and my DS with a LD Ironically related to a genetic disorder she chose not to disclose to me Confused I am LC with them and I feel much better for it

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OooYouAreAwful · 24/06/2017 22:55

Am primary teacher so not as important as corporate life, of course its just pin money easy job (hollow laugh)... have tried to speak about how I feel before, but am always spoken down to, 'dont be ridiculous/calm down etc' even when am being rational, its almost like being back at school and DM and Sis like it when they can talk about me! Gaahh! I am a competant bloody adult, why does this upset me?!

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OooYouAreAwful · 24/06/2017 23:01

Sorry to hear Pink, its odd how parents can be like this, I have given up on expecting equal treatment, but finding it more hurtful when it's my child-even if she has no idea of her bday!

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heavenlypink · 24/06/2017 23:11

It is hurtful - My DS was 'lucky' in respect that I had my child first so he did get the attention of being the firstborn grandchild But the attitude towards me was always that I was a disappointment I try not to hold any resentment to my DSis and of course not my niece In the past I have thought about 'having it out' with her (mum) but I know it wouldn't change anything in the long term

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RoyalUnited · 25/06/2017 12:43

Ah 'difficult' - all too familiar with that label!

Before I got married and had children - parents and sis decided that they would do a family Christmas away. So booked a four bed cottage without consulting me. Then told me this was the plan and sis and I were to split the cost 50:50 (I was to have one bedroom (the smallest, as it was just me), sis have two for her/her DH and kids, and parents the fourth one). Parents to pay nothing as they were helping sis out with childcare (eh? isn't that called grand parenting when parents are there too?).

I said NO! My share was about £1K (and I dare say I would be expected to pay for half the food too) and at no point did they decide to ask me about it before booking! I stayed at home (my house - moved out at 18) and saw friends. I was being VERY difficult apparently and fielded lots of angry/tearful phone calls at the time.

Sis is the golden child - I was the defiant one (although I wasn't badly behaved). I think I surprised them a bit by ending up with a job paying significantly more than Dsis - hence the expectation that I pay above my fair share for their ideas.

And so it continued for another decade...lots of anecdotes. When they started doing it with my kids...I called them out on it. Denial. Gave up and drifted away (which was very easy - we just stopped inviting them) - helps that I have a very supportive spouse who can see straight through them too. Still hurts though Flowers. I just do the bare minimum now as NC would cause too much angst.

Anyway, yes - you can do LC with dignity. Just slowly start making less and less effort. Keep conversations grey rock. Avoid asking them for any favours at all.

What is your relationship like with your Sister? If it ok - then I would make more effort that but completely avoid talking about your parents.

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