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Relationships

Gave up on my marriage, but DH hasn't.

34 replies

Owlerhowler · 23/06/2017 09:27

I don't even know where to start! I will try and keep this as short as possible.

DH and I have been together for 8 years. We've got 2 DC both under 6. We are in our 20's.

The last few years have been pretty awful relationship wise. I've had zero affection /attention from DH. He just didn't seem to have any interest in me at all and I used to drive myself mad thinking he was only with me for the kids as we didn't do anything together and our evenings were spent sitting on separate sofas with him on his phone ignoring me.

I tried soooo hard to get our relationship to be a nice loving one but he wasn't interested. I really do wonder why he was happy with that? I gave him so many chances to talk to me and help each other. He always denied anything was wrong and he was completely happy with his life. We were basically housemates who barely spoke to each other. One example of how thing were.. I'd send him Facebook messages just telling him I loved him and asking him how he was and if I saw something funny I'd send it to him. Sometimes he wouldn't even open my messages until 2 weeks later even though he's constantly on his phone The thing is, we barely argued and we did get on well. I could go on and on about all the little things.

The last 6 months got even worse as I gave up. I accepted that this was my marriage and what my life was going to be like for the next 50 years so I needed to make the most of it. I got a new job working evenings. Started getting into exercise which I did in the evenings, started going out more, drinking more and my social life was great. Made a new male friend who I spoke to a lot.

I don't want to go into too much detail but an incident happened where DH saw us together having a laugh (we weren't doing anything wrong. Literally just laughing together) and nothing has been the same since.

DH said that it took the incident to make him realise what he was missing and he wanted our relationship to be like the way me and my friend were together. He's become super clingy, sending me constant messages, getting stropy if I don't show him enough affection and very needy. He booked us a holiday (something we've never done before as he just couldn't be bothered even though we can afford it) he wants us to go out together all the time and buys me flowers. He now wants another baby (again something I was desperate for but he wouldn't even consider) and for the first time ever, we started a joint savings account. He really has tried so hard.

Sounds perfect? Everything I've ever wanted. Except I gave up on our relationship after years of trying. The first few weeks were okay and I really did try but it was so forced from my side and I'm just bitter from the years of trying and failing to make things better. Why does it all have to be on his terms? How can he just decide that he wants things to change? I'm angry at him.

Also he's become insanely jealous of my friend. There's nothing to be jealous of. He now works at the same place as me so I have mood swings from DH every time I go to work. I get missed calls and messages from him when I'm at work even know he knows I can't have my phone on me at work. He went on my phone and read all the messages from my friend.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. I don't know what I want. I'm just so angry that he left it so late. I can't do the whole couple-ey things with him that he wants. It makes me cringe. It's so forced from me and it shouldn't be like that. He's offering to give me the relationship I dreamed of but I'm not sure if can do it with him.

I don't know what to do.

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Shoxfordian · 23/06/2017 09:30

Sounds like it's too little too late from your DH

Have you thought of couples counselling if you want to stay together? If not and it sounds more like not tbh; then start the process of separating