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When is enough enough?

(4 Posts)
Narnia72 Fri 23-Jun-17 08:19:36

So this morning before he left for work I walked in from boot camp to be told the following things are my fault

Cannot find his mobile
Cannot find his tax paperwork (on the table, found in seconds)
Can't find the details of the person he crashed into (tiny bump all cosmetic but done damage to our car) and is furious with me because I want to make it easy on.everyone and go through insurance and he insists we can do it cheaper by repairing both cars ourselves. Wants me to spend the day ringing people to find someone who cleans and repairs scratches on alloy wheels. The other person would clearly prefer to go through insurance, he is angry at me because I think we should.

He is 5 weeks away from the end of term, at which point he is leaving his job with nothing to go to. He works as a teacher in a centre for troubled kids and it is.really stressful. I understand and try to support him where I can. But it is all about him. He is so stressed and depressed that he can't see how unfair he is being to me. One of my kids is being really badly bullied at school and he can't cope with it on top of work.

We are both really stressed and unhappy and I can't see a way forward. A friend of mine who went through a messy divorce and ended up with nothing says there are no happy endings and to stick it out. He wishes he'd done that. I don't know what to do. I can't put the family through a divorce whilst my dd is going through hell at school so I have to stay put atm. He is not a bad man, but can't see what he's doing. I feel so lost and alone

Hermonie2016 Fri 23-Jun-17 08:33:26

If there are external circumstances for his behaviour than it's worth letting it play out, especially as only 5 weeks away.

He may need to get to a GP as his anxiety isnt likely to go away when the job ends (especially if he has to job search and finances are tight).

I think it's appropriate that you say to him it's not acceptable to speak to me like that.

If he's generally been a good and kind man this could be a blip which will come good.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 23-Jun-17 08:39:01

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?.

He is a terrible example of both a husband and father, also he will leave his job in 5 weeks with nothing to go to. He will be even more insufferable then as if he is not being so already; he will not support you then either. He losing his phone etc is all his fault; he regards all that as your stuff to deal with because those tasks are beneath him and you are a woman and in his head his property.

Your friend advising you to stick it out is mistaken; all that will do is show them that a loveless marriage is their norm too. Why are you using your child being bullied at school as a reason to stay put; its no reason at all let alone anything near being a good reason. What are the school doing with regards to the bullying; what actions have they taken to date?.

cakecakecheese Fri 23-Jun-17 08:44:58

You can't 'stick it out' you deserve better than being a verbal punchbag for him to take out all his frustrations on.

Tell him he needs to move out until he can start treating you with respect.

Your child is being bullied, it's not good for them to see bullying happening at home too...

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