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How do you know it's the right thing?

(9 Posts)
Reachingout1 Thu 22-Jun-17 17:20:11

I'm sorry, this is going to be a long one quickly whilst I can!

I have previously wrote on this a few times explaining my position. Cut long story short, I have been with oh for 9 years, 1DD. I got with him when I was 16 he was 23.
I have known for a very long time he isn't the one as he wants lots of things differently to me. No more kids, no marriage, no holidays! He has a temper and can say some really horrible things.
Bit by bit he has broken my heart slowly but surely. Over time I have dealt with it out of pride, being afraid of loads of things and actually wanting it to work so much and loving him!
As time goes on, I am losing respect for him and have fallen out of love with him. I had a chat with him about 5weeks ago saying how I felt but gave it a go again for the sake of dd and feeling it was the right thing to do. He has been nicer which I expected but I felt like he was irritating me. This indicated to me that this is not what I want, because usually I would love him being the way he is at the minute.
So 2 weeks ago, again I sat him down and in so many words explained that this is it, he no longer makes me unhappy, it was so hard for me to have this conversation with him but knew I wouldn't hide it any longer. So for just under 2 weeks we've been in separate beds, I'm not longer doing his cooking or getting his usual bits when doing the shop. We are having to still live in the same house due to us both having no where else to go, as you could imagine it was so awkward the only communication we have was to do with dd. I asked him to talk to sort dd and house out but he said there wasn't much to say as he knew where he stood so I left it a few days which brings us to yesterday. He messaged me to say I needed to change his details on dd school records to which I replied saying yes I will and we also need to talk regarding dd and house and he replied to say I have broken him. And then began the killing himself messages. He then came home which we spoke for 5 hours and now the guilt on my behalfs sets in. He is saying I haven't given us a chance as he was unaware I felt like this ( he wasn't ) my heads everywhere because I really don't know what to do.
Sorry I needed to vent. Hand hold or advice greatly appreciated
Thank you

BloodWorries Thu 22-Jun-17 17:54:21

Pure manipulation on his part.
Unless you have never discussed the differences you both see in your futures (more kids, marriage, holidays) and he thinks your happy when he's being horrible to you then he's fully aware of the issue but just thought you would put up with it all.

You are doing the right thing, don't waste any more time with him! Get as much sorted as quickly as you can.

awmcghee1 Thu 22-Jun-17 18:52:10

I've recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend (we are guys Btw lol). It is only day 3 and I feel terrible too. He was my first relationship and we rushed into things without dating etc. Now nearly 4 years down the line I felt we were just really close but not romantically involved and that I didn't feel an atttaction. I had to end it. I feel terrible all the time. We live together so like you it is so awkwatd. He says he can't look at me so disappears into the spare room. I get it. He is hurting bout I don't know how long it lasts. Basically what I'm saying is I understand (ok I have no kids involved) with the feeling u have of wondering if it was a good idea. You need to try and stay strong and stick by your decision. Do you really want to go through trying again with him only to go through yet another heartbreak? It seems like he is with you for convienance.

SweetLuck Thu 22-Jun-17 18:56:49

he's fully aware of the issue but just thought you would put up with it all

Yep

Reachingout1 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:29:29

Thanks all for your replies. I know deep in my heart the right decision for me is to let go but when you've got someone practically begging you it's bloody tough. I may not love the guy but I do care about him a lot.
I feel trapped!

Reachingout1 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:30:08

Awc- glad to know I'm not the only one in this mess! Makes me feel like such an awful person. Is it bad for wanting to be happy?!

whatsmyname2017 Thu 22-Jun-17 20:33:56

I told my ex a few months ago we were over but he is angry and bitter, claiming he doesn't understand why. The guilt it hard to deal with but please don't let his emotional state persuade you to try again. The same problems will still be there. If its over, its over and the reasons don't necessarily change anything.
Take awmcghee1 advice and stick with your decision or you will be back in this place again in the future!

Reachingout1 Thu 22-Jun-17 21:42:49

Your right whatsmyname2017
I need to keep strong ( easier said than done ) at this moment in time I can't turn the way I am feeling off.

whatsmyname2017 Fri 23-Jun-17 11:15:24

Its not easy staying strong, especially with the emotional blackmail you will be going through. Its not bad to want to be happy. I still carry the guilt around about my ex as he is going through some awful family stuff at the moment, so us separating on top must be horrendous.
But, we can't live our lives through other people.

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