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Guilt tripper

4 replies

katia2 · 21/06/2017 21:25

My 83-year old DH has gone down with shingles just over a fortnight before he & I plus DDs (24 & 18) were due to travel to Austria for a long-planned week's holiday booked and mostly paid for by me to celebrate my 60th birthday (yes, there is a big age gap, but it must have worked as we have been married for 26 years). It is now looking like touch & go whether he will be feeling up to going, though he should be over the infectious stage by departure date. He tends to be very needy (of me) when poorly, but though in quite a lot of pain he is not really seriously ill or I would not even contemplate going away without him. At this stage before the holiday, I can't reclaim anything so would risk losing the best part of £5000 if we cancelled completely. I have suggested that DDs should go without us so that it is not a complete write-off but they are determined that I should go as it was for my 'big' birthday and (unbeknowns to DH) have said that they are prepared to toss a coin for which of them stays behind to look after their father. AIBU even to contemplate this, especially as I suspect that my life will not be worth living if I go away on holiday leaving DH on his sickbed? When my aged parents (to whom DH was closer in age than he is to me) were alive, I used to feel torn in two every time I visited them at the other side of the country because DH was so martyred about it; I ignored his attempts to guilt-trip me then as I knew where my duty lay, but is this different?

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jeaux90 · 21/06/2017 21:33

Yes. It's different it was for your birthday. He has shingles not terminal cancer. Go.

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NewStartNow · 22/06/2017 08:47

I'd say go too.

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katia2 · 22/06/2017 17:21

Thanks, both of you. I was hoping someone would say that. My stepdaughter from DH 's 1st marriage says the same and that she will move in to look after her dad if necessary so that both my DDs can come. I will just have to pretend not to notice the 'How can you abandon me so callously?' looks if it comes to that!

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Isetan · 22/06/2017 18:31

He may be older but in this instance he is quite the child.

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