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My husband is having an affair!

(5 Posts)
user1498056960 Wed 21-Jun-17 19:44:54

I'm looking done advice please, I have been with my husband for 21 years and from February he started to become very withdrawn which I put down to his job as it has been stressful, anyway he became very snappy and putting me down a lot and being rude! In March he told me he wasn't happy after a night out which he had with mates, he told me in January that he was going to visit his friend in England in March time for a few days as he hasn't seen him in years, I said it wasn't a problem as stupidly thought the break would do him good! A few weeks before he went away he then told me he was going for a week, I noticed that he had applied for a passport and he told me that his friend was booking somewhere for them to go away for a few days, he said it was maybe France, the day he was due to go he told me that his friend had booked a holiday for them to America, I went and helped him pick new clothes etc for going and now I feel such a fool as before he went he told me he still wasn't happy and no matter what I said or done I am the worst in the world! He went on his holiday and I got a few emails here and there while he was away! The night he came back I was trying to show interest in his trip and he blurted out that he still wasn't happy and wants to separate, we have a family holiday in a few weeks and he said he will go after that, I initially said I couldn't go on the holiday which is for a week as I feel so hurt and now I have agreed as my 2 boys are really looking forward to it, one of them has autism. I haved checked my husbands phone and he is looking for accommodation around our area, I have asked him was there anyone else and he said no, he's never off his tablet and he told me he doesn't know how to work facebook, how wrong was he, after a bit of investigating the past month I have found out he was been messaging a woman from America and he sent her a dozen roses a few weeks ago for her birthday. I confronted him today and he was totally shocked that I found out, he's been sitting up to 2 am every night so that must be his messaging time, he told me it was a friend from years ago who I had never heard of and when he found out he was going to America on holiday he asked her to meet up with him, he has the cheek to tell me they are just friends, how many friends send a dozen red roses for their birthday, yet he says he has nothing to hide but refuses to show me his facebook account, this woman had photos of their drinks on date night and photos of sightseeing that day! I feel so hurt, used and taken for a fool, but I'm even more hurt for my 2 boys age 11 and 16, the older boy has autism and finds it very difficult to cope with change and I am worried how both the boys will deal with this, I feel so annoyed as I gave up work to concentrate on my family quite a few years ago and my son had to be home schooled as he couldn't cope with school. I love my boys to bits, my husband is leaving me I have no job and just feel like everything's been ripped apart, my biggest worry is the effect this will have on my children.
Sorry for the long post, any advice appreciated, thank you!

user1498056960 Wed 21-Jun-17 19:48:43

Sorry meant to mention that I heard nothing about his trip and he has no photos to show, I am wrong to think he is hiding so much!
Thank You

pog100 Wed 21-Jun-17 19:57:22

I'm sure all your suspicions and more are correct. He is an idiot to try and convince you otherwise. I think the only thing for you to do is make sure that he treats you and his children well, financially and otherwise, from now on. To ensure this, see a solicitor immediately and consider your financial position. I'm sorry he is such an idiot, you clearly deserve much better.

user1498056960 Wed 21-Jun-17 21:16:36

Thank you, I appreciate your advice!

MsWanaBanana Wed 21-Jun-17 21:32:32

Agree with pog. You need to see a solicitor and start putting things in place for when he leaves. He's already checked out of the relationship and even if he isn't having an affair (unlikely), he still wants to leave so it's inevitable. Do what you can on your side to minimise the fallout, especially for your autistic child. You defo deserve better OP sorry this is happnening to you

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