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I'm just so low

(4 Posts)
wowzerrz Wed 21-Jun-17 18:35:28

About 13 years ago I met a man, a man who helped me escape a violent relationship with my two girls in tow. They were then 3 and 5. He had a 9 and 12 year old, We fell in love and a year after leaving my ex we moved in together. We were a bit like the Bradey bunch lol. Two years after moving in together we had a son. Who is now 10. Things have always been a bit up and down due to annoying exs and step children step parent issues. But I always thought that once the children grew up that life would be better cos we wouldn't have those petty arguments. But truth, life isn't getting any better. Now his children are adults and have left home, and he's a grandad, he's not the same person! He doesn't want to go to the park anymore, he forgets we have a 10 year old son! he keeps making comments about how he can't wait for the rest to leave home (my kids) so we can travel and do things... I get all that but I feel for my son. I've started to notice things about him too, like, if someone puts a piece of cake down in front of us, he will take the bigger one, he never says you go first, he will always make sure he gets what he wants first.
When driving and a pedestrian is waiting to cross he will drive and stop in front of them not letting them cross and laugh that he's done it, he also won't let people out of side roads and blocks them in. I know this sounds petty but I really find it an unattractive trait.
He is rude to people in shops and he speaks his mind and doesn't care if he offends.
I can't recall him being like this before? That's the weird thing.
He is moody, boy is he moody! My son always calls him grumpy dad!! All the children avoid contact with him by either going out with their mates or just staying out the way!! When he goes out they come out the woodwork one by one...
he's always having issues at work, to the point Hes paranoid that they are all plotting for him to lose his job and he's constantly close to tears about his health or job despite seeing drs who say he's fine and his boss who doesn't seem to know what he's on abut.
Life isn't fun, the fun has gone. I love my family and I'm in love with the idea of what we had when we met, but I just don't like what we have now.
He's also gained 8 stone. 8 stone is like another human being. He weighs 22 stone. Sex isn't what it was and he says I'm shallow cos I should love him for him but I don't fancy him and I don't particularly like his personality right now so sex is just not happening! I don't want to come across as a shallow person, I'm not, I'm just trying to word this as openly as I can. I want the old guy back, the one who whisked me away, who tied me in knots in the bedroom, who I could hug!! Now I can't get my arms half way round him.
I am so unhappy, he's so rude, miserable and hard work, and I've stuck by him through everything but now I'm just thinking that I'm sacrificing my own happiness to please someone else, who isn't really that happy himself!
Sorry for rambling.
Your Input is gratefully received! X

Aquamarine1029 Wed 21-Jun-17 18:47:18

He needs therapy, and you should probably get some, too. Would he be willing to try to get himself sorted with professional help?

wowzerrz Wed 21-Jun-17 19:03:37

We went to counselling and they advised he entered a weight loss programme (so we joined together) he went once cos he said the woman was patronising him. I've gained about a stone since we met, I'd like to get that off too, so thought we could do it together. He refused to attend The counselling sessions as the woman said he had narcissistic traits and he objected to it. X

Aquamarine1029 Wed 21-Jun-17 19:14:40

Then the question is, what do you want to do? If you're that unhappy you should leave him.

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