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What time do you both go to bed?

(57 Posts)
rainsbow Tue 20-Jun-17 17:57:59

Do you sit and spend time together in the evening or is there a typical pattern of one goes up long before?

CookieMonster54 Tue 20-Jun-17 18:17:18

My DW and I have totally different sleep patterns. I work on US time so I go to bed at around 2am and get up circa 10. She's in bed at 9pm and up at 6am. We also sleep in separate rooms and share a bed only for fun and games.

Perfect relationship, works for us, but I think fairly atypical. My point is, I wouldn't worry about it. It needn't be that important.

Chasingsquirrels Tue 20-Jun-17 18:18:48

Late-DH and I used to spend most evenings together, both sitting on the same sofa watching TV, reading, browsing online etc. Then go to bed together.

ExH used to go to bed at different times, I'd go earlier and he wouldn't.

TwoBlueFish Tue 20-Jun-17 18:23:32

Generally we sit together in the evening, chat, watch TV, browse phones etc. DH goes up first and I follow about 15 minutes later. I then read on my kindle while he goes to sleep. Sometimes I stay up longer by myself as I need some time alone (DH works from home and we have kids so nighttime is the only time I can just be)

Hekabe Tue 20-Jun-17 18:27:05

I tend to stay up later than DH. It used to bug him that I'd stay up later, until I pointed out that I could be annoyed he goes to sleep earlier. I do now say 'let's go together' because I like that we can spend a little down time together. We might watch a little telly, or then I'll read until I'm sleepy. Works fine now.

HotelEuphoria Tue 20-Jun-17 18:29:19

I don't think your different sleeping patterns is as unusual as you think. I go to bed at 8pm - to watch "my" TV, DH stays downstairs to watch his. I am usually asleep by 9:30 but awake at 5:00 when I potter and do jobs and have me time.

Dh goes to bed and falls straight asleep around 11 pm but then gets up at 06:00 and quick shower and straight off to work around 06:30.

I think most people's work dictates their sleep pattern.

DS is in bed at 8pm and up at 5AM, DD is a healthcare student and has allsorts of shifts including nights so her sleep patterns are...well who knows?

rainsbow Tue 20-Jun-17 18:35:00

Well I go up at 8 once I've eaten and kids are asleep, dp anytime from 10-1am.

Prokupatuscrakedatus Tue 20-Jun-17 19:39:34

I usually go to bed around 23:30, up at 6.
DH (freelance) usually starts his 3rd "shift" at around 21:00 and goes to bed at 2.
Works for us since 1986.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 20-Jun-17 19:43:34

We both go to bed at 10 ish, read for a bit, lights out about 10.45. He's up at 6.45, me at 7. We've turned into Bert and Ernie

peachgreen Thu 22-Jun-17 16:24:26

We have a rule that unless one of us is ill, we always go to bed together, usually around 10pm. We chat for half an hour and then watch 15 mins of a documentary on iPlayer before falling asleep (unless we have sex but we're morning people!). It's honestly the best 45 minutes of my day and I feel it's so important to our marriage.

I'm currently pregnant so need a lot more sleep but we still come up to bed together and DH reads for an hour or so after I go to sleep.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake Thu 22-Jun-17 17:58:18

Do you have young children OP? I used to go up at 8pm when DS was really little and I wasn't getting much sleep.

Now we spend an hour or 2 together - sometimes longer but I am up between 5 and 6:15 so I cannot afford to be a night owl. Or I may go up and watch something different...

With regards to sex, we go and have intimate time and then come back down to carry on with chatting/watching/surfing/music what ever.

Saiman Thu 22-Jun-17 18:02:05

I usually go at 10-10:30.

Dh anytime between then and midnight.

I love getting up early and having a coffee in the quiet.

We chat in the evenings when the kids are in bed. 8-10. I would hate anyone telling me what time i had to go to bed or get up.

rainsbow Thu 22-Jun-17 18:05:55

Our kids are 3 and 7, the small one always lands up in our bed though. I just like having "me time" and for me, that's going up early to have a couple of hours of my own choice tv whilst dp watches tv downstairs.

Harimad Thu 22-Jun-17 18:13:00

I usually go to bed before DH. I go to bed around 10 (although on occasions I can stay up til midnight), but DH is usually up til gone 11, often in the wee hours.
I just need more sleep than he does!

Saiman Thu 22-Jun-17 18:22:29

So has the issue with it?

Do you get anytime together, just the two of you?

SkeletonSkins Thu 22-Jun-17 18:24:55

Could you mix it up a bit? I'd feel quite sad if I wasn't even in the same room for those hours and went upstairs at 8. It would be lonely. Maybe sometimes you could go up, and other times sit downstairs and watch a film together? Get into a series together? One of you watch on a laptop with headphones but at least in same room?

JaneEyre70 Thu 22-Jun-17 18:29:23

We sit together when DH gets in around 7, and we water the garden, eat tea and sit and natter/watch TV until around 11pm when I go up to bed. DH is banned from bed until I'm asleep as he has restless legs and takes hours to settle.....if I'm already asleep he doesn't tend to disturb me. I'm up first around 6am with the dog, and wake DH around 7am with a cup of tea.

9GreenBottles Thu 22-Jun-17 18:34:44

We try to have time sitting on the sofa together in the evening, maybe chatting, watching the same tv programme, doing emails, or reading, and we always go to bed at the same time.

After a chat and cuddle, DP falls asleep straight away, and I read my tablet till I'm sleepy. We are both introverts and I think we both need some silent time but we are happy to do it sat next to one another, and like PP, I wouldn't be terribly happy if we were in different rooms to do this on a regular basis.

rainsbow Thu 22-Jun-17 19:13:22

Saiman it bothers him not me tbh so occasionally I'll stay up but I don't relax as I just want to go up and switch off tbh. I'm perfectly happy having alone time!

Saiman Thu 22-Jun-17 19:15:22

When do you two soend time together?

I would hate to be told when bedtime is. However you arent going to sleep. If dh went to bed to be alone from 8pm every night and we never got time, just the 2 of us. I would feel very alone and unloved.

rainsbow Thu 22-Jun-17 19:21:41

He's never said anything about being unloved. Bored and lonely occasionally have come up, but not unloved.

Saiman Thu 22-Jun-17 19:40:38

Op why dont you post what actually is going on?

Why did you ask the question in the first place?

If he is lonely he is unlikely to feel loved

FlipFlopFlappy Thu 22-Jun-17 19:46:21

Me 10.30ish
Dh 12ish

I think in a relationship you should both make the effort to spend at least an hour a day together child free imo.

ButtMuncher Thu 22-Jun-17 19:56:07

We've got a 9 month old DS so ours is skewered slightly as he still doesn't always sleep through. Generally I try to be in bed at 10pm as DS will either be up in the night or up around 6-6:30am. DP will occasionally come up then but more often stays up until 11 or so. Between putting DS to bed around 7, we tend to have a lot of individual time - DP does a hobby which takes an hour or so a few times a week and I cook and clean up or go to the gym in our garage. I have to admit we spend a lot less time together, before DS we'd usually go to bed at the same time.

BrucesTooth Thu 22-Jun-17 20:00:05

In light of your update I'd reframe it as "how do you spend your evening?" As it's not so much about going to bed/sleep. Some evenings one of us wants to watch some specific TV/do a task/whatever but I'd feel really sad it if we did separate things every single night. We try and make sure we have some time together (watching a film, tv series, playing a PlayStation game etc) a good few times a week, as well as just generally chatting/being together. If he went off to another room after dinner every night I'd bloody hate it.

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