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Feeling worthless after betrayal

(14 Posts)
wotabastard Tue 20-Jun-17 14:42:38

Hi, I had a thread before but thought a new one would be better as I hate going over all that each time I post.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2942703-Another-Boring-Prostitute-Husband-one

I just feel worthless right now. I know I'm not. I know this is a process. I know all that. I know it will get better. Just needed to say it I suppose. Got my sti check tomorrow, also got a smear booked too and I feel incredibly anxious about the smear. It makes my insides shrivel up.

I just feel horrible.

user1483387154 Tue 20-Jun-17 14:44:58

so sorry you are going through this. It is going to take time for you to heal from the betrayal. He is the one in the wrong, it is not a reflection on you.
Good luck for tomorrow

wotabastard Tue 20-Jun-17 14:52:09

thank you x

Collidascope Tue 20-Jun-17 15:25:20

I remember your last thread, OP, and you're definitely not worthless. You've been very strong throughout this. Try not to think about the STI test and the smear. He's an absolute shit to put you through this, but find some fun things to do so you can take your mind off it a little. Plan a reward for yourself afterwards. Good luck.

leavinghomeintoaflat Tue 20-Jun-17 16:08:00

OP I read and commented on your last thread. I'm six months on from my horrendous discovery of my H and prostitutes. I just want to say things WILL get better, they really, really will. What he did was nothing to do with you I promise you. It's all to do with him, his issues and his ego.
Please believe me that what you're feeling know is completely normal. Apparently the healing process of this follows a similar pattern to grieving a death. Really that's what you're doing, grieving the end of a relationship and the hopes you had together for the future.
Stay strong OP. You will feel so many emotions, sadness and anger being the predominant ones.
Six months on and I feel a lot better. I still have not so good days but generally I enjoy every day. Self care is very important such as making sure you eat enough and are kind to yourself.

At least you know the truth and not wasted anymore years on this selfish man. This quote by Cornac McCarthy helps me " You will never know what worse luck your bad luck saved you from"
Also Oscar Wilde " What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise ".
You will move on from this OP and discover a better life. You don't deserve to be with a lying cheat.

leavinghomeintoaflat Wed 21-Jun-17 08:37:00

How are you feeling today OP?

noodleaddict Wed 21-Jun-17 08:45:29

I saw your last thread wot and I'm so sad to hear you are feeling awful. You've been amazingly strong throughout this process and I can assure you that you are anything but worthless. Excellent advice from leavinghome above. It is a grieving process and it will take time. Just know that it WILL get better.

HappyFlappy Wed 21-Jun-17 09:12:22

No advice to offer which hasn't been given, but didn't want to read and run.

You are worth so much more.This will prove to be the best thing to have happened to you and one day you will look back and be thankful that your eyes were opened.

xxx

LovesPeace Wed 21-Jun-17 13:34:04

When I was betrayed by my ex, I found an odd way of coping with it. I decided he was now a zombie - he looked like the man I had spent more than a decade of happy times, but he was dead/corrupt inside.

This allowed me to grieve for the partner I had lost, while not being at risk of wanting to go back to, waste any time with or even listen to the corrupt zombie version.

Framing it this way helped me to remember and grieve for the happy aspects, while reconciling those with the twat he had become.

I stopped short at squishing his brain to destroy him, though. grin

I'm now 5 years on - and much, much happier with a lovely partner.

leavinghomeintoaflat Wed 21-Jun-17 13:47:44

That's interesting LovesPeace I'm kind of doing the same thing. I think of him as a robot and I've detached. Whatever works !

wotabastard Wed 21-Jun-17 17:19:01

I had the nicest, most professional and experienced nurse ever today. She was really good and everything went fine. The sense of dread has definitely waned getting all that sorted. Back to my normal self just now, feeling ok. Thank you guys brew

I like the zombie/robot idea! I just don't even know what I think of him at all. Definitely grieving for the loyalty I thought he had for me.

user1496940061 Wed 21-Jun-17 17:25:25

Your not alone - Im a guy who has been betrayed very recently and it hurts like hell. We are just starting to begin the process of a separation - with kids and house it won't be easy !
Some days it is ok others , like today is very painful !

There's been so much SH*T to deal with I have not yet found a way of coping properly. Lots of talking to friends but it still hurts.

Also more difficult when Ex seems to be making new men friends very quickly.

OvernDoneWith Wed 21-Jun-17 20:30:10

Please take heart from the hundreds of posters on your last thread - we are all cheering for you all the way.

Find some ways of taking good care of yourself during this difficult time winebrewflowersgin

Rescuepuppydaft2 Thu 22-Jun-17 11:33:08

I'm so glad that the nurse was lovely and put you at ease! How are things today? How is your daughter? You have had your world turned upside down and you handled everything with grace and dignity! Hard days are to be expected! I hope that your ex is suitably suffering and isn't putting any pressure on you!

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