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Pros and Cons of a long distance relationship?

(19 Posts)
XJerseyGirlX Tue 20-Jun-17 12:21:37

Hello, I met a guy on holiday with DD in April, He was on holiday with his 2 dd's. Both of us are single. We got on really well for the week we were together (nothing happened) and decided we would meet up again when our kids weren't around.

We have seen each other twice since (once in May and once in June) and have decided that we would like to continue to see each other.

The issue is, we live 2 hours away. My DD lives with me and his dd's live with him so we would have to take it very slow at first (which we are more than happy to do).

I just wanted to ask anyone in a relationship that's slightly long distance, what do you find are the pros and cons? Ive no concerns as its so new, but just wondered about other peoples experiences?

Thanks in advance

Pickerel Tue 20-Jun-17 12:29:20

I was in a long term relationship with DH when he was working overseas for two years before we got married. It was great - I had loads of time with friends etc, we saw each other every other weekend and had a really lovely special time. We got engaged a few months before he came home. No cons really - I am quite an independent person and didn't mind going to social events without him and that kind of thing.

However, in our case it was a temporary thing as he was doing a job for a limited period of time. In your situation, is there any chance it will eventually not be long distance? Or are you tied to different areas because of your kids?

It might become a problem a couple of years down the line.

XJerseyGirlX Tue 20-Jun-17 13:08:36

Thankyou Pickerel :-) I appreciate your reply. I live in Wales now, my DD is 5 and has a really close bond with her dad (sees him daily) so I could never move, but I do work part time so could effectively live (if it got serious) half the week here and half the week there (where new guy lives) eventually. He has full custody of his daughters and their family all live close so he wouldn't never be able to move (which I totally understand).

He is a really lovely guy (or seems to be so far) a fantastic dad and we have such a spark. I don't want distance to put me off as like you- I have the support of family, friends and am independent at home.

The only thing that makes me a little sad about a relationship where you cant live together is that we wont be able to do the "normal things" like furnish a house and stuff like that together. But those types of relationships have never really worked out for me in the past anyway .

He cant have anymore children (had the snip) and I would like another oneday. Obviously too early on into the relationship to discuss it seriously without seeming like a " bunny boiler" but it does concern me a teeny bit. He is lovely, I don't want to pass him up and we are both single. He has said he feels the same :-)

Pickerel Tue 20-Jun-17 16:23:55

Hmmm. To be honest it sounds like the kids issue might be a bigger problem (in the long term) than the long distance thing! Be careful OP. This guy could be a heart break waiting to happen.

Adora10 Tue 20-Jun-17 16:35:02

Give it a go, tbh, him having two children living with him though would be more concerning for me; are you really willing to live with his two children half the week whilst away from your own child and have to deal with them as a step mum, you really need to think about that one because from experience, it's very hard, in fact, I couldn't do it.

Ohyesiam Tue 20-Jun-17 22:02:37

I has a ldr with dh for a year, it was delightful. I'm an old romantic, but when love calls.... You gotta go.
Enjoy it op

fantasmasgoria1 Wed 21-Jun-17 06:08:23

We struggled with ltr did it for a few months but loved each other so very much and it just became too hard to say goodbye each time so we moved in together! No young dcs to consider though but if there were it would have taken longer!

redexpat Wed 21-Jun-17 07:00:55

The sex is fantastic in ldr.

XJerseyGirlX Wed 21-Jun-17 08:39:10

Thanks for your replies, all are very interesting and worth considering. It may not work out long term for some of the issues mentioned above or maybe others but my god is he hot :-) and a really nice guy too. I just don't want to let him pass me by lol

caffeinestream Wed 21-Jun-17 08:56:00

I think long distance is fine when there's an end point. I could do it if I knew we'd be living together/close by within a certain time-period, but I couldn't live with it indefinitely.

How will it work with the children? Presumably you're both tied to where you live due to schools/work/other parent - could you ever move together while the kids are small, or will this be a permanent problem until the youngest leave home?

XJerseyGirlX Wed 21-Jun-17 10:01:53

I don't know if there would ever be an end point TBH, only when all the kids have grown up I assume we will be able to move in together. But, I only work Monday, tues and Wednesday and could quite possibly spend a bit of time up there (some mid week, some weekends)
He has also said when he doesn't have his little girls (every other weekend) he will come to me.

I don't know, it seems to early on to be worrying about all that but I know it could be an issue.. a big one. I really like him and think it may be worth a shot... its a hard call :-(

LesisMiserable Wed 21-Jun-17 10:31:25

Pro's: always excited to see each other, sex is usually really good because you make sure you make time for it. No niggles about who left their pants on the floor, who's turn it is to wash up and why there is no toothpaste left

Con's: If you dont keep communicating whilst apart it can feel like you could drift apart quickly and easily.

After just a couple of times seeing him I think it's a bit mad to be talking about living together when your kids are grown up tbh but I kind of get it. I met my DP online we live 1hr 15 away from each other and see each other every other day and every weekend. I have one DD who is 15. We are getting married next month but will continue to live separately until DD moves out of mine, then I will more than likely move over to him or we will both move in together inbetween our home towns. We are both really happy and comfortable with the arrangement. We'll have been together just over two and half years when we marry. So I say absolutely go for it, live in the moment, keep your expectations in check and enjoy!

caffeinestream Wed 21-Jun-17 11:11:58

I don't think it's too early to be worrying about it at all.

You need to think about the practicalities - if you're both happy to see each other once/twice a month for the foreseeable future, then go for it, but only you know if you can cope with that kind of a relationship. It certainly wouldn't be for me, but other people can manage it just fine.

It all depends on what you can cope with/what you're happy committing to. I just think you need to be prepared to want more, and for it to be pretty impossible for a long time.

XJerseyGirlX Wed 21-Jun-17 11:38:46

* I just think you need to be prepared to want more, and for it to be pretty impossible for a long time*

The above is why I posted the thread really- exactly that! I cant help liking him, god I wish I had met someone that was a bit closer. I think practically we will be able to see each other for about 3 days every week (missing the odd week out every now and then) once the girls are all re-introduced (they met on holiday) . We are both trying to talk about what kind of relationship we are expecting and would be happy with, but at the same time we haven't been together long and it seems too much of a serious conversation to have already.

Neither of us wants to mess our kids around so we have sort of had to have a conversation about how it would work even though its early on.

Im gonna try to head into this without to much expectation (him too) and if it doesn't work so be it I suppose. I like him too much to pass this up but im aware it has its issues.

Although, I have lived on my own for 14 years (with the exception of 4 years with DD's dad) and im pretty much used to being on my own and comfortable with it.

Ahh .. time will tell I suppose. I am seeing him at the end of this month and cant bloody wait :-)

Thanks both, glad its working out for you Lesis :-)

XJerseyGirlX Wed 21-Jun-17 11:39:15

Bold fail

caffeinestream Wed 21-Jun-17 11:42:54

Aw, good luck!

There's no reason it can't work so long as you're both committed and happy not to move on to the next stage for a while. Lots of people are perfectly happy "dating" for a while without the commitment of living together - it could work out really well especially as you both have children who need stability.

I hope it works out smile

Merlanguis Wed 21-Jun-17 11:48:48

I have been living two hours away from my husband for the past 18 months. He is unlikely to be living with me for another 7 months (& I'm 3 months pregnant!). It's definitely not been easy but it certainly is possible. It makes you appreciate the time you have together. Perhaps, just take it as it comes?

XJerseyGirlX Wed 21-Jun-17 11:55:36

Absolutely :-) that's my plan. Take it as it comes and TRY not to have any expectations apart from enjoying each others company. He said he wants to travel when his girls are grown up which is something ive always wanted to do so you never know... it could work.

Thankyou all so much for your help

Ilikethemhotnearly40 Sat 23-May-20 15:18:09

Hi OP I just wondered how this went? I'm about to in the not too distant future to embark on a long term relationship with a guy who lives 2 hours away and we both have young children. So I wondered how you got on smile

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