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AIBU: husband is pissed off about me not drinking at his work function

(126 Posts)
revolution909 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:35:36

Last night there was a huge drama because I decided not have a drunk when it was an open bar.. I think the reasons why are irrelevant - I had a lot to drink the previous night, this week we're going out more than once so I was trying to "calorie count for the week- Now out of spite he's not going to drink at my birthday party teach me a lesson, and because he wants to" calorie count". Even though he has apologised I still. Feel sad about the whole ordeal. I don't think I needed to have a drink to have a nice time (which I did) but he just wouldn't believe me. BTW I'm usually the one that sometimes has a few too. Many drink and he has to look after me (this has only happened about three times but that's the joke). I don't know I just feel sad and makes me want to cancel my party sad

AguacateMaduro Mon 19-Jun-17 08:37:51

Omg, I'd tell him to stay at home. Not for not drinking but for telling you what to do.

Rioja123 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:38:12

He sounds like a controlling arse.

RJnomore1 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:38:23

He's acted badly but I'd say it depends why you had a lot to drink the night before. I'd be a bit marked if dh refused to drink on a night out with me when I was looking forward to letting my hair down with him because he was too busy drinking with his mates the rest of the week.

I would most definitely not threaten to ruin something of his in revenge though.

Jengnr Mon 19-Jun-17 08:38:27

How would him not drinking at your party teach you a lesson? It's not going to make any difference to you is it?

It's weird thing for him to get upset about though. Why's he being such a bell?

YoureNotASausage Mon 19-Jun-17 08:39:06

Sorry OP but how do people find such shitheads to be their partner? A decent guy doesn't suddenly act so disrespectfully to their partner. I wouldnt be with someone who treated me like that.

Quartz2208 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:39:12

Why does it matter, did he feel it was a waste of money he want to take care of you laugh at you

Thebookswereherfriends Mon 19-Jun-17 08:39:33

Why does it matter if he doesn't drink at your party? Just say "fine, don't drink." It's a really strange thing for either of you to be bothered about. Does he think it seemed like you weren't enjoying yourself at his work do?

tribpot Mon 19-Jun-17 08:40:36

Eh? You want to cancel your party because your DH is going to not drink? Or do you suspect he is going to sabotage the party in other ways to punish you for not drinking yesterday?

Hopefully you can see that this is a ludicrous and messed up dynamic. Your choice not to drink had literally no effect on him yesterday (and may have been helpful if, for example, it meant you were able to drive) but he decided to ruin your night because of it. Now he intends to ruin another night because of it as well, but hilariously in a way that involves him having to not drink (which sounds like it would be very beneficial).

Why is your reaction not "good idea, we should both try and regularly have nights out where we don't drink"? And leave him to it?

ijustwannadance Mon 19-Jun-17 08:41:46

He seen his arse because you wouldn't get pissed? Seriously?

Does he usually tell you how to behave? Does he/you both have issues with alcohlol?

revolution909 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:41:59

@rjnomore that's more or less what he said. That I happily got drunk the night before with my friends (he's also friends with them but they're mostly mine iykwim). I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much

cakecakecheese Mon 19-Jun-17 08:42:06

What a weird thing for him to get worked up over. Is he always like that?

Bluntness100 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:42:14

I find this strange too. You're both upset by the exact same thing. You more so, you actually want to cancel your party as he won't drink? What's that all about? Why is it so important to both of you that the other drinks at social events?

Bluntness100 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:43:28

* I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much*

What? He's your husband and you'd feel like this if he doesn't drink? Honestly that's so weird.

revolution909 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:45:20

@tripbot yes that's what I'm worried about. No I don't think we have a drinking problem, I drink 3 times a month, while he probably does it at least twice a week. He thought I was bored, I wasn't.

ChicRock Mon 19-Jun-17 08:45:30

The best thing you both could do would be to lay off the booze completely as both of your attitudes to alcohol are really fucked up.

OddBoots Mon 19-Jun-17 08:46:52

I know many couples where one doesn't drink at all or they each have different times when they drink for a range of practical and personal reasons. Why does it matter to either of you if the other doesn't drink?

revolution909 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:47:01

Well also I think not drinking "just to teach me a lesson" on my birthday is a very asshole thing to do. There I said. You don't try to get even at your OHs party (or ever for that matter)

EyeDrops Mon 19-Jun-17 08:48:58

* I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much*

If that's how you feel... then YABU to complain that your DH felt the same way at his office party! No excuse for him to be an arse about it, but then it would be just as wrong for you to make yourself miserable by cancelling your birthday party? What a weird issue.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Mon 19-Jun-17 08:49:47

I think this might be the first thread on MN where a couple are arguing about the other one NOT drinking! confused

ShelaghTurner Mon 19-Jun-17 08:51:02

I really don't understand this. Drink if you want to or don't drink if you don't want to. How the hell does whether someone else drinks or not have an effect on your enjoyment of something? It's pathetic. I mostly don't drink, just don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks. But I couldn't give a toss if everyone else does, unless they're the driver! It's such a childish thing to get the hump over.

Loopytiles Mon 19-Jun-17 08:51:57

You both have weird attitudes about alcohol IMO.

revolution909 Mon 19-Jun-17 08:52:23

Maybe I phrased it wrong. I'm fine if he decides not to drink as long as it came from his own heart (and not to try to teach me a lesson / get even).

Loopytiles Mon 19-Jun-17 08:52:39

Why would you be self conscious getting drunk around him when he is sober?

Loopytiles Mon 19-Jun-17 08:53:15

Yes, him saying that was disrespectful and stupid. Childish.

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