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How to get partner out? Worried she'll run off with DD.

(19 Posts)
DJPon3 Sun 18-Jun-17 17:42:12

She had an EA, we've split, she's not leaving and I'm worried she'll try to run off to her other man with our DD.

How can I get her to leave and ensure DD is not taken?

titchy Sun 18-Jun-17 17:45:49

Go to mediation and sort out suitable contact arrangements that are in the best interests of your child.

Why are you worried she's going to run off to the other man if she's staying put? She can't do both...

Anatidae Sun 18-Jun-17 17:46:19

If you split, the courts will decide on the custody arrangements that are deemed best for the child.

Where I live it's 50:50 time with the child, 50:50 split on assists and zero maintenance as a default. In the uk it's more balanced towards the primary carer for time and 50:50 for assets with maintenance decided .
How old is dd and who's the primary carer?

DJPon3 Sun 18-Jun-17 17:48:37

Well no, I'm worried that she'll leave suddenly with DD. OM lives 2 hours away, she's never met him, he's an alcoholic and a drug user.

She's been texting this guy and I don't trust him. He's talked her I to believing he loves her and shell be better off with him. Its not beyond the realms to believe he's talked her into lettingbhim pick her and DD up whilst I'm out or whilst DD is at school etc.
Hope that makes sense.

DJPon3 Sun 18-Jun-17 17:50:03

DD is 4, I'm a SAHD and ex is work out of home, We're not married.

I'm worried she'll do a midnight flit, not a proper through the courts job.

Mumteedum Sun 18-Jun-17 17:57:18

Get a prohibitive steps order so you can get DD back if wife goes.

Anatidae Sun 18-Jun-17 18:27:57

Ok well that puts a different angle on it. If her safety would be compromised then you need to get a prohibited steps order. You need legal advice.
Make sure dd knows how to use a phone and memorises your phone number.

Justdontgetitatall Sun 18-Jun-17 18:35:27

As awful as it sounds, she has just as much right to walk away with your daughter as you do. You cannot stop her.

Just speaking from a legal perspective

FizzyGreenWater Sun 18-Jun-17 19:10:07

Well no if you are SAHD, then you are essentially the primary carer.

Get advice, and get a prohibited steps order which would prevent her from taking the child to live elsewhere. Then if it's a midnight flit, it's easier to get DD back.

If you had officially split, you could go for a residence order which again would stop her from keeping your DD.

However- I'm confused about you beign worried that she isn't leaving yet also that she'll take your child. It sounds like you want her out but to leave your DD with you. I would say that's pretty unlikely to happen, and that you're also unlikely to find a court to agree with you. SAHD or not they certainly won't help you force her out, and if she wants residence, it's likely that you'll end up with 50/50 shared care.

DJPon3 Sun 18-Jun-17 19:23:57

She said shed leave, she applied for council housing, promised she'd leave DD here in her home. Originally she left to stay at friends, but I agreed wed try again, but it didn't work.

Now she's admitted she's still in contact with other man, isn't applying for anywhere unless its perfect... So none of the available houses. I don't want DD uprooted and her school and such disturbed, she has friends here, her life here etc.

So I'm worried is all.

Squishedstrawberry4 Sun 18-Jun-17 19:27:46

See a solicitor?

Justdontgetitatall Sun 18-Jun-17 21:01:25

No Fizzy you can't force a Mother to leave her daughter with him, just because he doesn't work!

Justdontgetitatall Sun 18-Jun-17 21:02:34

The term Primary carer is redundant when they live together.

If a couple split and the child stays with one parent, then that parent is the Primary Carer

strugglingstepdad Sun 18-Jun-17 21:09:17

So he's less of a parent because he's not her mother??

If anything he is the primary carer as he is the sahd.

DJPon3 Sun 18-Jun-17 21:15:55

I feel like the primary carer.
Its me that gets up in the night, me that sorts her diet, her school, drs, extra curricular activities etc etc.
Ex works, sits at home messaging other men, goes to bed.
In fact, she actively ignored DD if ex is on tablet.

I shall be contacting a local solicitor tomorrow.

newdaylight Sun 18-Jun-17 22:23:16

No, he's not less of a parent, he's an equal parent in the eyes of the law, as @justdontgetitall clearly stated

That's why he can't legally force dp to leave the daughter, just as in the opposite situation dp could not force him to leave the daughter.

Anatidae Mon 19-Jun-17 08:52:44

Sorry if I used the wrong term - I think you know what I mean?

You can't force her out and to leave her daughter. That is not reasonable.
You can and should take action if you think your child would be in danger if around this new man. But that doesn't mean you get to throw your partner out and 'keep' your daughter. What should happen is whatever is in her best interests, not yours and not your partners.
You need legal advice.

strugglingstepdad Mon 19-Jun-17 10:40:54

But my point is that if it was a mother trying to get her partner out in the same circumstance she would be told ring the police etc......

It seems to be very biased towards the mother!

Anatidae Mon 19-Jun-17 11:55:02

The advice would be the same. Child has a right to see their dad unless it's detrimental to their welfare, and that if the other woman had substance abuse issues then to restrict contact with the other woman.

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