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Shall I wait to lose weight before online dating?

(12 Posts)
PixiePopPops Sat 17-Jun-17 22:22:58

I'm a couple of stone overweight, 3/4 stone away from my ideal weight (tall). Shall I wait before signing up to online dating? My self esteems pretty shit, and would be better once I've lost weight. But I'm very lonely.

HildaOg Sat 17-Jun-17 22:42:14

I think you need to feel happy and confident in yourself. Join the gym/start the diet... If you feel happy to meet people now, then do, if not, wait until you do.

There are plenty of men who won't care what size you are. Just be honest with your photos, change them every time you go down ten pounds. I think meeting people would be good for you, it might give you a bit of confidence.

LellyMcKelly Sun 18-Jun-17 06:30:44

No, I'm a bit chunky. Doesn't matter a jot. I went on lots of lovely dates and met my lovely DP. If you think that losing weigh would make you feel happier why not aim to lose a stone before signing up? Losing 3-4 could take a year and do you want to wait that long?

isntitapip Sun 18-Jun-17 08:42:43

Your size doesn't matter one bit. I'm a stone (ok, maybe nearly 2) overweight and dabble in internet dating from time to time. But I genuinely think I look good and think I'm a decent catch. So if someone isn't interested or suddenly stops contacting me I just shrug it off and move on. The key is confidence and self esteem. Don't date without it because you'll need it. So if losing weight will give you that then wait. But don't put your life on hold for it

Peewee23 Sun 18-Jun-17 08:50:32

Online dating can be brutal and not because you are overweight. Make sure you are in the right place mentally and from a self confidence point of view before embarking on this. Knock backs can hit your self esteem and confidence.

Maybe join some groups/classes/gym to build your self confidence first

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 18-Jun-17 09:36:13

Don't date, especially online, until you have sorted out your self esteem and you feel happier with yourself. You need to have a hide like a rhino for OLD as it is, so it can make the more delicate amongst us feel utterly shit.

Teddy6767 Sun 18-Jun-17 09:40:51

I did online dating when I was a couple of stone overweight. I wasn't totally honest with the photos I put up as I put up older slimmer ones of me. Every single date I went on rejected me after the first couple of dates, and one or two admitted it was because I was bigger than my photos.
I since lost 2 stone and my self esteem is a million times better. I had lots of fabulous dates and have now met my lovely DP.
So my advice would be to either use up to date full length photos that give a true reflection of your size, or wait until you have lost a bit and are feeling more confident

AguacateMaduro Sun 18-Jun-17 09:42:39

peewee is so right. brew It's more important to be in the right place mentally, and to know that even if somebody does come in to your life, and a closeness does seem to develop, that you're resilient enough and independent enough and content enough to spring back quickly if they disappear or go back on line or tell you you're not what they're looking for, or that despite what they said first, a relationship is not what they're looking for, or if it turns out they're really stressed and busy and irritated all the time and you want out, or they turn out to be more boring than you first thought.............

Try and lose a bit for yourself I suppose. There are loads of overweight men on line though. Message them while you're feeling self-conscious.

I've done two years of OLD (on and off) and I feel now I'm more focused on connection and two personalities complimenting each other than I was when I began. I recently connected with this guy and he's so odd, if I'd met him two years ago I would have written him off instantly.

9GreenBottles Sun 18-Jun-17 10:11:40

Whatever your weight, with online dating you will be attractive to some and not to others. That may, or may not, be because of your weight and rejection of you (or by you) is an inevitable part of the process sadly.

Your self esteem doesn't have to be linked to your weight and, as previous posters have said, lose weight for yourself rather than others. If you don't manage to lose weight, how long will you be lonely for?

I echo using full length recent photos - don't be tempted just to use headshot selfies taken from a great height. There is a photographer/blogger I follow who provides a session taking photos for online profiles - there might be someone in your area who does similar.

Good luck flowers

LesisMiserable Sun 18-Jun-17 10:40:28

OLD isnt guerilla warfare. It's supposed to be light hearted fun , a bit like going out for a night, where you never know, you might be the person of your dreams. You could be any shape or size and you'd be wrong/right for someone. If you're going into it but your shit self esteem to the fore then you're inviting yourself to be knocked down and that will be your own doing. You're brilliant as you are and life is happening now, so if you want to do it, go and do it, no excuses!!

TheNaze73 Sun 18-Jun-17 11:10:03

I'd wait personally, if you're not going to be confident & yourself.

PollyPerky Sun 18-Jun-17 11:20:02

Finding a man for either a few dates or longer term is not the answer to your loneliness. You need to make yourself happy not wait for someone to come along and fill that void. if you are so overly invested in finding someone so you 'don't feel lonely' you will give off an air of desperation. You will also feel shit of you are dumped, possibly blame your weight and it might throw you back into a cycle of overeating, weight gain and being unhappy.

Get out and make friends, join clubs, get more girlfriends to stop yourself feeling lonely, and then you are ready to meet men.

Some men like larger women, some don't. But in general, yes, men prefer slimmer women - plenty of surveys show that.

But your weight is not your real issue- it's your self esteem and loneliness. You are not in the right place for OLD where men dip in and out as if it's a sweet shop.

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